As a yungerman who grew up in Lakewood, I write this with a heavy heart.
Like many others, I always dreamed of building my life here. But after being married for a few years now, I’m beginning to wonder whether living in Lakewood is becoming unrealistic for regular young couples trying to make ends meet.
I understand that inflation is affecting everyone, and I know costs have gone up across the board. But it feels like prices here have gone far beyond normal inflation. At this point, I’m not even talking about housing anymore – many people have already accepted that they may need to move farther out to afford a home.
I’m talking about everyday living. Clothing, basic household items, shopping, and simple necessities all seem to come with increasingly higher price tags. Everywhere you turn, there’s pressure to buy the newest, fanciest, and most expensive options.
Can we please take it down a notch?
Not every yungerman or young family needs luxury. There should still be affordable, normal options for people trying to live responsibly and within their means. A community as large and beautiful as Lakewood should make room for everyone – not just those who can afford premium prices on everything.
Many young couples are quietly struggling, and I know I’m not the only one feeling this way.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Yungerman
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Don’t mean to talk down at your situation but do you think you’re worse off than the Middle Aged guy with 5 or 6 kids and a mortgage tuition camp etc?
A young wife is not usually bringing in the income of a 35 year old. Even if their expenses are lower basic living costs are still very high.
Although I do agree that it is ultimately up to each individual to learn how to budget and spend less than they bring in, whatever that amount may be.
Noone is having it hard because of what they make! “Who is rich? one who is happy with what he has!” very simple words of Avos can change your whole “life struggle”! People have one problem PRESSURE! there should be mass therapist sessions in lakewood to combat all the pressure that everyone is feeling! I live in lakewood and for some reason dont have any of these issues that every other article is coming out about and coincidentally I dont have a pressure problem. almost every struggle people have has a lot to do with what other people have and they dont (Including real struggles that weren’t created through pressure, the pressure still feeds it) stop looking over your shoulder and appreciate what you do have!! BH I dont give in to any pressure and I manage to find cheap stores plus my wife shops online to get cheap clothing. Ever heard of Shein? We saved thousands of dollars from shopping online and not having to get the newest style everything! Learn to enjoy your own life and all will be well! And Btw enough with bashing lakewood and its gashmiyus theres many wealthy people and there was always throughout klal yisroel wealthy neighborhoods. Let the wealthy enjoy the gashmiyus why should it bother anyone else and those that cant afford just stay away from it! where I live in lakewood theres NO gashmiyus and even where i grew up in lakewood there were a few rich people but I didnt see any crazy gashmiyus! so keep to yourself and youll stop noticing so much gashmiyus that keeps your anxiety up so high!
I am a proud member of the no pressure movement! My wife and I earn over $300,000. We drive 10-15 year old cars. We live below our means. At the end of the year we invest our surplus and have Baruch HaShem savings for our future weddings. We LAUGH at the ostentatious fools who spend beyond their means with all kind of excuses. Their fate is sealed.
Join the movement!!
If you have 5 or more kids – please explain how you put aside money
We have 8 children KaH.
We spend less than we earn. So we have money to put aside! Our mortgage under $3,000
Wow! Good for you!
Hashem should continue to send you that kind of Bracha and you shouldn’t give into the pressure of the times
How do you earn 300k with 8 kids? Is that from 2 high paying salaries?
Unless you have a really high paying job, and the second one is just a small supplement, don’t you need at least parent to be really flexible for the kids K”H?
The guy is trolling.
i think he means he and his wife both make over 300k, so its $600k
Read the whole thing he lives below his means
300k, you’re wealthy.
It’s plausible to be making over 300k. Could very easily be a guy who started off in a nursing home operating company and worked his way up over the years. This kind of guy also sounds like the kind of person who would have bought in Jackson ten years ago. So its also very plausible that he could have a decently nice house with a mortgage for just 3k.
Don’t know if this guy is real or not but it’s not unheard of and good for him for spending responsibly.
So you don’t struggle with it everyone has different rent struggles you can’t just tell the person just snap out of the pressure because you don’t have pressure not how it works take any prob in your life and try to snap out of it not going to work takes a life time of work to change yourself so he is talking to the ppl that experience pressure you should thank Hashem that you don’t just because someone does he not a fool you have no clue If u would have a diff experience if you were in his shoes
Unfortunately Lakewood besides being the Ihr Hatorah is also the Ihr Hagashmi. There is more gashmius in Lakewood than any other frum community and it’s really sad to have to say this. Like you said everything has to be over the top. The shuls the school buildings the homes the cars etc etc. It’s never ending and unsustainable. Run far away you’ll be doing yourself and your family a favor.
The “ihr hagashmiyus” was imported from other affluent areas that focused on such living styles.
Unfortunately many have settled in Lakewood area over the years and have created that only stores that have that experience will have a chance of being successful. The cost to establish such modern stores comes with a price. And unfortunately that makes everything expensive.
This was not Lakewood ihr hatorah where food was cheaper than NY.
Not true. I’m from Brooklyn, and still in Brooklyn, Americas Ihr HaTorah, I have never seen the amount of gashmiyus that there is in Lakewood.
Brooklyn is not half as much into gashmiyus as Lakewood is! No store in brooklyn looks fancy like lakewood stores
Your trolling worked on me. To conflate Shuls being grand to Ir Hagashmi is a misalignment of priorities. Chazal talk about building beautiful places of Torah and Avodah. Don’t shmoosh everything together. Learn the sources first.
Move to Yeshiva area – the crowd there lives on much lower standards.
unaffordable- one BR old apt for 1800-1900
Like Yanny in the pines😉😏
I’m sorry and feel for you but your are very misinformed housing is still more in Brooklyn and clothing you have a choice don’t feel pressured and you do what you could if you try living within your means and don’t look at others then living costs about the same
Housing in Brooklyn is cheaper then Lakewood. In Brooklyn, we don’t feel a need to owna house, have grass etc. We are happy in our aprtment buildings, including many having a community sukkah. We also don’t require 2 cars as a basic need. We have an uncomfortable, but somewhat reliable public transportation system.
This isn’t a Klal problem. This isn’t anyone else’s job. You can live simpler. You can look for deals. You can move out of Lakewood. You can go to work.
silent struggle is a term for infertility or cholim….
Can anyone suggest where and we can bring down standards in Lakewood? Looking for ideas.
Just don’t live up to the Jones!! Not all your kids have to be matching! You don’t HAVE to buy flowers for shabbos, even for shavous if you can’t! Been there done that! And you don’t have to feel sorry for yourself either. Galgal chozer…. iyh things should get easier.
When we were tight, we did not buy yogurts or orange juice, salmon, ice cream, or anything that didn’t fit into my cash I had when I went shopping. I also cut down on cleaning help.
I still iron all the shirts, give haircuts to all the boys, make my own salads, never buy iced coffee treats etc. my little daughters sandals are from old navy (10.00)
IT ALL ADDS UP!
Any money spent on shabbos and yom tov is automatically paid back! Hashem says about shabbos Levu alay vaani poraya which means borrow on my cheshbon and I’ll pay back for you! But everything else youre right about (except yogurts thats what i eat for lunch)
As a general concept you are correct. However, our Rov advised that it means within your general level. So someone with credit card debt cannot take his family to a hotel for Shabbos and expect that Hashem will repay it. Someone who buys regular tomatoes may buy vine tomatoes for Shabbos and expect to get repaid.
We also live that way, and try to make due with as little as possible… but still the expenses are not manageable KAH with a family of children- we cannot always say no to everything – the kids need to go to day camp, they need normal things, etc etc. There are many expenses that there is simply no way around in our lifestyle!!
you may be living in the wrong area in Lakewood, every area in Lakewood is different world
Yes, you can stop voting for MAGA cronies who have lied to you in order to line their own pockets.
Yeah. vote for democrat politicians who have never worked a day in life, yet once getting into office become multi billionaires. AOC is worth more then majority of succesful Frum Jews. She’s a bartender. How did she get so wealthy? A crook. majority republican politicians are porfessionals long before politicians.
Your comments would be laughable if you weren’t so delusion. Magat mentality(or the lack thereof) is truly alarming.
The author starts with the added costs of inflation making it difficult to make ends meet but then pivots to, “pressure to buy the newest, fanciest….”
They are 2 very different issues.
I thunk he’s saying he cant find affordable pricing because everyone gave into pressure and is selling high end things far beyond what he considers as basics
Compare Lakewood to Monsey, Brooklyn, La, Miami, Chicago and you’ll see the tuition, rent and even housing is a lot more affordable here. As is groceries. And if you shop in the right stores clothing too. Plus you can shop online and save plenty that way.
Add to that the ability for a women to work 4/5 hours and bring home a decent salary is definitely something that’s a bonus here too.
as for the pressures that’s on you. Pro Tip: Stay in your circles and they’ll fade away quickly!
I’m not saying there aren’t people struggling. There are MANY unfortunately. But the system in this town was built for all families from living many different “lifestyles.” I’m not sure what your problem is.
pro tip 2: If you really can’t make it maybe it’s time to tutor at night or teach English in the afternoon. And if you still can’t manage, getting a job may be an option too!
I’m happier Brooklyn then majority of lakewood people. No private house. No 2 cars, and certainly not a newish car either. No joneses to compete with.
The 1st generation after the holocaust had heaven when they arrived in America, a factory worker put down $3,000 and bought himself a beautiful large house in Brooklyn for $16,000, Yeshiva tuitions were a $10 a month which included hot lunches etc.
Since then every generation has it harder and harder.
It’s no bargain to move far away to some western city where $150,000 will buy you a nice large fixer upper but all the other stuff is more expensive as kosher food etc must be trucked in from far away, cholov yisroel & fancy cake must be ordered a week in advance and costs double, guaranteed to hear distant shooting after dark, you may have a few local friends but no family whatsoever etc.
Stay here & use your brains and young energy to make ends meet.
Are you serious??? We are the richest generation in the history of the world. We have luxuries those generations never dreamed of. Yes, some are struggling because we as a community decided that we must all have what the richest guy has.
That house for $16K was 1000 sq ft with 2 bedrooms and one bathroom, no AC, a tiny kitchen with no dishwashers. You get the idea. And you can still get that house for the same amount of money, adjusted for inflation. You just don’t want to.
It’s doesn’t get harder with each generation, it’s just that each generation wants more and more. Things that were luxuries 20 years ago are now bare necessities.
Our financial woes are of our own making. And as Einstein said, if we keep doing what we’ve done, we gonna keep getting what we’ve gotten. So, yes, we do have to change the system. But that’s not something we do well. But one can dream.
Well said. I’m more then happy in my small Coop in Brooklyn. Smaller then the new devlopement basements in lakewood. The ones everyone needs to move out of and when, as soon as number 3 is on the way.
We are proud to live simply and do not use a credit card at all. I learn the entire morning and hustle in the afternoon. We have a combined income of less than $200,000 with a large family and we scrimp and save and wear clothing from season to season. Our cars are older models with low mileage(Leather seats!)
Join the movement of living within your means.
Because we do not use a credit card we some times need to put back items because our card declines!! Yes, it’s embarrassing, yes, it’s extreme however, it is a peaceful way of living.
Extreme is trying to keep up with everyone else when everyone else is trying to keep up with you!
No one cares so much about you, get over yourself!
Be frugal and proud!
Stop bashing the town and make good decisions based on how wise people who are above this nonsense act.
Good luck with keeping up with us!
There is an issue written here that has not been addressed. Just because you can’t keep up with certain standards, what does that have to do with others? Because you can’t have XYZ, does that mean other people can’t have it either? This is a farginning issue. You can’t control how other people spend their money. You can only control how YOU spend your money.
Its called conspicuous consumption and it has nothing with frum population only. Look up the term.
I’d give this comment 1000 likes!!!
Your worried for yourself or your worried about the next guys overspending?
I don’t know about the original wĵ⁵fððq but YOU’RE not worried about YOUR poor command of the English language.
i feel your pain, but i want you to know its not all areas in Lakewood that feels the competition, you need to find a erlicher pushita area, in my area BH we don’t feel any reason to compete with each other, our wives are proud to buy shaitels for aprox $1200. we are happy with our Camry etc., hatzlacha
You’re the minority. A tiny minority.
Someone asked Harav Moshe Wolfson zt”lhe lives there is rampant antisemitism what can he do? He replied don’t drive fancy cars or live in fancy houses.
You are 100% LAKEWOOD IS NOT FOR YOU! This town is the biggest makom torah, but let’s be real, the gashmiyus capital of the world. If materialism bothers you, and it should, move out of town.
I live in Lakewood on the north side of town, and I noticed that the prices are wayyy cheaper on our side. Barbers, eateries, seamstresses, morahs, clothing and everything in between.
Maybe the businesses on our side of town are not paying for these huge and fancy storefronts so they don’t have to up their prices as much, or maybe the people willing to pay these prices are not on our side of town but whatever the reason, THANK YOU to our North Lakewood businesses!
As a kollel wife who grew up in Lakewood, I also feel that Lakewood is not an option for me to settle but mainly because of the housing. (Renting or moving far out is not affordable unless you have $300k to put down).
I’d love to know what kind of expenses the writer is referring to. We are able to keep our budget down when it comes to other expenses, you just have to be a little savvy.
Pro tip: There are a lot of free chats on Whatsapp where people are constantly giving away boxes of food with hundreds of dollars of groceries in them, often times including chicken and meat.
There are certain grocery items that I have not bought in over a year because I just keep getting them on the free chats.
(I’ve been wondering where these boxes are coming from and I suspect that these come from people who got Tomche Shabbos and don’t want everything in those boxes but that’s fine. Those boxes would be thrown out otherwise and the middle class could also use help with groceries.)
When I was growing up my parents both worked, these days no one wants to work
They are lazy.
Sorry, but you don’t have to look far to find affordable items. It is relatively easy to stay on a budget if you swallow your pride and just not care what other people think. There are certain stores that I won’t even walk into because I know they are out of my budget. The ‘pressure’ is coming from you. Relax, no one cares about your life as much as you think they do.
For clothing, Kidichic Outlet, Heads of Class Outlet, Sage, Clover, Serendipity (yes, they have new items with tags from the stores for crazy cheap) are great local options. You say you can’t have your kids walk around in last seasons clothing? Thats on you! I have outfitted my 10 year old daughter for an entire season for under $150 including outfits, socks, accesories, etc. from these stores. She doesn’t ask to go into the more expensive stores because we never have and its not a thing to her! For my boys, target t-shirts are $5 and polos are $10. Old navy has great options for pants and shirts at very reasonable prices, especially if there is a sale. Why are you even shopping in the frum stores for boys if you can’t afford it?
For food, produce is cheap in Walmart and Aldi, and if you buy generic brand products (especially cereal – Walmart brand is about $2.50 a box as opposed to $10 a box in a frum store for the same size), you save money there. Frum groceries have sales, stock up on non perishable items then!
I don’t need to get into every little detail of everyday living. The point is, stop looking at everyone else’s ‘luxuries’, just do what fits into your budget, and stop complaining.
someone has to start a new town based on Torah, it’s gonna happen, only shailah is if BMG does it or someone else, only matter of time
any developer can get 300 buyers in an hour in BMG coffee room, if he offers housing for 600k and a kollel built around a young popular Rosh Yeshivah
Why cant Lakewood have like Monroe cheap affordable housing not or a basement or a house for over a million $ ???
Because the price of land is out of control. If you want to build a school building today ,just the land will cost you many millions before you even put one nail in the ground. So obviously your tuitions will have to be much higher than they were 5 years ago .
The Lakewood vad should make major new rules to bring down the housing prices like Monroe