As the mother of the children of which the article was written up about, I will shed a little light and share some facts about our situation. As of today, my daughter entering primary has not received ONE interview! Not ONE school has shown an ounce of interest in my sweet girl! So NO, I am not being ‘picky’ about my school choice because a choice has never been an option!
As for my other daughter, the school she was in was not a good ‘match’…so we have opted to find somewhere more suitable. At this time, both the school and I feel that this is the best choice. Also at this time, the school has not given an answer to me or husband, (or to my rav) for that matter if in fact we don’t find a better option if my daughter will be welcomed back or not for the coming year. So basically I am 100 percent not sure how they feel.
As a parent, I have more than fully cooperated with the school with my utmost abilities! The amount of stress is not something one can describe. Each and every moment, awake or not, is devoted to this cause. The amount of phone calls and pleading has no time for rest!
The bottom line is, is that no matter the background of the families involved in this situation each child deserves a place for a frum education!
On a side note, my husband and I are your typical Lakewood family. We live in a typical development, and drive your typical mini-van. And yes, my husband davens with a minivan 3x a day- everyday! And as far as the tznius discussion, my hair is always covered- and my knees as well-ALWAYS! which i know is something that has been of an issue of late. But like I said, it doesn’t matter- each child deserves a place.
If you really want to help, storm the vaad with phone calls that this is enough! This has to end! The school cannot open until each and every child is placed!
ummmmm…….. exactly what ‘article’ is this mother referring to?
Every Jewish child deserves a Jewish education. My heart goes out to every child that still has not bought her school uniform, her school supplies, and may not go onto a bus the first day of school. The child is an innocent pawn in this game, and those who cause this child pain will be reimbursed.
The question is, who is causing this pain to the child?
While many are quick to blame the schools, I would suggest, based on being intimately involved in the school placement “askanus” (without any thank yous, by the way), that many parents are to blame.
I don’t know your particular situation, but I do know of many situations where the child could not get into school because of tznius issues. The schools have made it clear to the parents that they cannot accept children from a family that does not follow Judaism. One of the rules of Judaism is tznius.
Frankly, I don’t understand why people don’t get it. How can an Orthodox Jewish school take in children from a family that does not follow Orthodox Judaism.
If you insist on not following Judaism, by insisting on not covering your knees and your hair, why does the community need to help you get into an Orthodox school.
And yet, the askanim do everything they can to get your children into an Orthodox school. Most of the time, the schools will bend their standards slightly. But there is a limit. Would you want an Orthodox school taking in children from a family that doesn’t keep kosher or Shabbos? Tznius is in the same Torah, and we all expect our schools to only accept children from homes that adhere to the Torah.
As for the writer of this letter, again, I don’t know your particular situation, but you make it very clear that your child has had some issues with the school she was in. That was probably the reason that they didn’t want to take in the next child. That may also explain why other schools are hesitant to deal with you in the first place, because they don’t want a “repeat” of those issues that you dealt with in the first school.
There are many parents who are not to blame. But there are many parents who must carry the blame in this unfortunate tragedy befalling Lakewood’s innocent children.
I’m sorry, but storming the vaad is not going to help. Maybe if you try talking nicely to the vaad, which all they get is people complaining, maybe you’ll have a better chance. If you want someone to spend hours upon hours on your child, and put pressure on menahalim etc. you gotta ask nicely, no one is going to do someone a favor if all they are going to hear is negativity. Now think about it, maybe that’s the reason you weren’t helped yet. I was helped last year by the vaad, and I was told that people were doing me a favor, they didn’t owe me anything, and I appreciated their help. Just keep that in mind! Sending letters to the tls etc is not going to get people to dance to your tunes. Respect the people that spend hours and hours, just for you!!
I have been in this spot not too long ago and it is degrading and leaves a person bitter for a long time. A few months after my daughter was placed in a school the day after school started and we were welcomed with a frown I met one of the top roshei yeshiva in America who know us well and tried to help as best as he could and before I said a word he said ” I know you are bitter and you have a right to be but you would be best off to leave it behind because even though you are 100% right don’t let it ruin you”
From going through all the begging and feeling like I was being played with I would say the following. I don’t think we can be upset at any school for picking what they think is the most appropriate children for their school and logically that is the way it goes. What was beyond a turn off was how the ones you spoke to from both many of the schools and “askanim” we’re sending you in circles in a degrading manor. If some of those people in these positions would make a concerted effort to treat people that are in this tough spot with true sensitivity and treat them like we were close friends or relatives and not in the degrading way we experienced then I truly believe we would all feel differently even if we can’t change the fact that schools may ultimately decide we aren’t perfect for their school in a town where they have so many great and truly good families to pick from! The stories are endless of the way people were burnt out from this but hopefully caring about others will prevail! Much luck to the ones who are where we were and remember don’t let them make you into a bitter person you are as deserving as the rest!
the guys on the vaad are trying as best as they can to place children we need to have a way that the schools will listen to the vaad like a hechsher that states which schools cooperate with the vaad and the vaad should report to the community so when the collect they can present that they are a cooperating member of comunity and accept vaad recomendations on kids in school
Go to any other jewish community and see that you have all types of Jewish children in a given class!! Stop judging! You will one day be judged! Think abouit it!
To #2
If I understand you correctly, a non Orthodox parent can NEVER hope to have his children get an Orthodox education in Lakewood. What has changed from years ago when I was accepted into a yeshivah even though my parents were non-observant? They wanted more for me and the yeshivah understood that. My presence in the yeshivah did not send anybody “off the derech” but it did put me “on the derech”.
Is such a think still possible today? And if not, does anyone think Hashem is proud of us? Just asking.
To “Yid” (#2):
Yes Tznius is part of Judiasm. So is Shmiras HaLashon. So when the schools begin rejecting children of parents who speak Lashon Horah then your argument can be accepted. Until then? REJECTED.
need more schools to be built in this town period !
where are all the askonim ??????
I believe that parents are handling this entire issue wrong. It is not the parent that has a product to sell, it is the schools that must sell their services.
Think of the turnaround in attitude if families decided to not pursue a school, but waited instead for the schools to pursue them. This attitude promotes competition, and better choice.
Parents should be in the position of selecting a school of their choice, based on the quality of the school. The schools need to earn the tuition that you pay. When schools become so selective, as to whom may attend, parents need to look for an alternative. If no alternative exists, then a new school is needed, that is ready, willing, and able to accommodate the children that wish to attend the school.
If schools charged higher tuition rates, they would have interst in enrolling more students. But if they are not making any money, than what is their motivation exactly?
The tuitions paid by the average parent are way below the cost of educating their children . The situation will never get better until we change our lifestyles and realize that tuition comes before everything else .
MOTIVATION?!?!?!? If a frum day school is lacking motivation they are in the wrong field!!
Dear Askunem and all who do such wonderful things like getting children in to schools to receive a Jewish education is in it self a sad time….. My father as well as many over the age of 50 growing up anywhere including Lakewood knows that every single class in every single school including the most frum always had children in there class that was not from very frum familys but the goal from the real rabbis of that generation was to make sure the Jews had a chance to receive an education. and do you know what? my father who works really hard trying to get kids in to school is a famous rebbi for 27 years and he turned out just fine even with children in his class that were not very Frum this was when he was in yeshiva spring valley and the Mir in Brooklyn…. Stop judging others and assuming that its always the peoples fault the system is quite a broken one….
the arguments—the opinions—the bitterness—the blame—-all are moot points now—the bottom line is—how many girls will be at home while their friends and former classmates begin the new zeman—and what can possibly be done for them? someone, please come up with answer, because this is causing infinite strife within our chashiva community. we must find a solution before the punishments are meted out by Hashem for the new year.
Been there!my kids were outta school for 3 weeks!the stress is indescribable..but 1 thing I can tell you hashem knows what’s best!my kids got into the perfect schools for them albeit not together unfortunately..but for each one it is perfect..n the schools..look around its sad to say but almost every mossad has something goin on midah kinaged midah breaking up there personal homes..like they do to so many!!I am happy I’m not in their position!but hashem is the judge of the world!let him do his job!
I know how this mother feels. I also know what it is like to be accepted to a school with a frown. Decisions are made but the parents are often the last to be informed. Years ago, our daughter took the last coveted spot in her elementary school a few weeks after school started. So, the stigma stuck with her. She was always known as the “new girl” when we tried so hard to spare her the knowledge that she had been rejected from the 4 schools we had applied to. Now that we have seen the “system” and how it works, the nepotisim and favoritism shown to certain families, we daaven that our daughter should be able to gain acceptance to high school with a smile and open arms.
I was in your shoes! here are some ideas that helped.1) try your best to not trash or speak negativly of your child school.(simple shmiras halashon) 2) there are times when you will get told off (stuff thats not even true) keep quiet and dont answer its an amazing zechus. 3)daven by childrens kevorim (best time for this is erev rosh chodesh). I know what I wrote is very hard to do but these things did help and my child BH has a school!
The system is broken because every school loses so much money ,there is no incentive to have enough schools .with every new parallel class the school goes deeper into debt .most administrators re close to getting sick from the constant pleading with parents to lay their tuition ,which in most cases is half or two thirds of the cost . So what do we expect . People are sending kids to camp ,and seminaries and going on summer vacations while owing thousands of dollars in unpaid tuitions . Most people can not afford even the minimum tuitions ,but the kehila does not com up with a solution to help them .
there IS money in Lakewood. the question have schools been put high up on the priority list??? i would think that schools should be a HIGHER priority than kollel.
Local schools should also be higher on the list than the latest and greatest Chinese auction.
it may just be easier to get ur kids into the lkwd public school….i suffered plenty trying to get a daughter into school 3 years ago…i will not forget or forgive so fast…
homeschool YOUR own children, and give them the education YOU wish them to have!