Readers’ Scoop: Evening ‘Of Fear’

(Below is an unedited letter submitted to us by a reader. TLS welcomes your letters at [email protected] . The views are solely those of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views of TLS).

On very rare occasions, I get together with a friend to attend an evening function here in Lakewood. Being that i don’t do this often, I carefully choose which events I would like to attend. However, each year, my list of options is being shortened, ruling out one after another. It’s not that I’m so particular, I just strongly believe that organizers of events are doing women a great disservice! All I ask when I attend is for an entertaining, inspirational and enjoyable evening. What I get in return, is horrific stories of nightmarish proportions, speeches that make me depressed and visions which take months to erase from my mind. Why, may I ask, is it necessary to frighten and scare and sadden an entire audience of women? Much can be accomplished through fear, but more so through humor, fun and good cheer. Why must a Tznius symposium turn into heartrending personal tails of woe? We are all exposed to more than our share of sadness and gloom. When I go out at night, I want a break from sad realities. So far, the only function I plan to re-attend, would be Zichron Shloime, for they realize and appreciate a woman’s need of joy and entertainment.


Faigy K. Lakewood.

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  1. Whatis wrong with getting some musser to improve one self if not for these functions where will we receive some hisorrus especially in these hard times we allknow what the chofets chaim writes what chases the shechina away are you scared of doing tchuva the mesilas yeshorim writes one of the first important thing is zherus not to be blind and he says that by getting scared that makes aperson not do avairos this world. Isn’t to enjoy one self

  2. actually for those that actually paid attention and listened to the speeches and presentations, it was very inspiring! it was presented in a most straitforward fashion to the point. it wasnt intended to be a social event…
    kudos to bnos melochim.

  3. This wasn’t an evening out just for “entertainment”. Entertainment is not what we need, when we need mussar. There were plenty of women there last night who could use some chizuk in their way of dress, including myself. I thought it was very tastfully done. It’s about time girls and women stop wearing tight tops which reveal too much, especially maternity and I was happy that this issue was addressed in no uncertainn terms.

  4. I would like to preface this comment by saying that I wasn’t at this particular event. Having said that I believe that it is of utmost importance for us to look at these “tzoroz” straight in the eye. Aside from our need to feel the pain of another jew, it is a disgusting approach to think or say that “I can’t handle it” the truth is that each and every one of us needs to handle it or not handle it but to know the truth. Jews are suffering! How are we living our lives so peacefully. Feel the “tzar” of all of Klal Yisroel and may H-shem protect you from it.

  5. In all fairness to the writer – she is expressing her desire to have more lighthearted evenings in a real need – for very hardworking kollel girls who finally get a -few and far between-night off after cajoling their husbands to learn at home night seder with their chavrusahs – and a mussar inspiration was really not a good choice for that type of ‘entertainment’ – Faigy – look for the evenings that specify ‘comedy’, and take your mussar when you can handle it – Bnos Melachim is trying to spread a serious message – there are people with devastating crisis in their lives who can’t help but feel that we should all wake up and smell the coffee – we have to better our tznius, our lashon hora, our ahavas yisroel, because the tragedies are just overwhelming – May Hashem heal all the pain.

  6. Tznius, Loshen Hara, Rechilas,

    Why worry about these items. Just read the NEW letter that was mailed out from (what the rtn address said was from) the PARENTS OF BAIS FAIGA.

    Comparing someone from our community to Haman Harasha. This is Lakewood??????

    Haman wanted to kill ALL THE JEWS. Just because you disagree with someone you compair him to this RASHA.

    Go to all the asifas you want, hear speeches about Tznias, about loshen hara… as long as letters like this are being sent out to members of our community (and non jews will see these letters also) you are all FOOLS……..

  7. why is it that the nashim tzidkaniyos doent appreciate the Zichron Shlomo styly comedy and Letzanus, while the nashim that need to improve their tzniyus do? A connection perhaps?

    OY!!! The lack of tzniyus in this town is holding back mashiach!

    when mashiach comes there will be no ladies nights out of comedy and dance, this i can assure you!

  8. actually for those that actually paid attention and listened to the speeches and presentations, it was very inspiring! it was presented in a most straitforward fashion to the point. it wasnt intended to be a social event…
    kudos to bnos melochim.

  9. I am protesting – Janice K – I have serious problems with your comment – How dare you mention a name – and what’s with the dripping sarcasm – For SHAME!
    A bas yisroel does not speak that way – I am seriously appalled and know that i davened for you tonight – for clarity and ahavas yisroel –

  10. I did not attend this event and tznius is not one of the many areas I need improvement in. But I feel musar is more effective when it’s positive. Ivdu es Hashem B’simcha is a good approach.
    “Ages and Stages” was very inspiring, as well as light and entertaining.

  11. To Anonymous at 7:05

    Another of THOSE letters that are being sent to parents of Bais Fayga Girls that Spew loshan hara and hateful things (just what we want our young girls to read)was delivered today by mail (by the way I wonder who is paying for these mailings???).

    This one was 3 pages long, again spewing hatefull things about members of OUR community (I’m trying to leave names out).

    This letter is talking about 5 individuals and with one he compares this person to HAMAN HARASHA. (if you didn’t get this letter you should be glad).

    If you wonder why we are suffering so much it is because of people like this who try to distroy our community.

    If you do not like what is going on in your school, go ahead and voice your oppinion, don’t drag the rest of us down with you to this lowest of levels.

    Like I said before, Going to Asifas about tzinis, how to dress,loshen hara, shabbos learing for women, mean nothing as long as we have people like this sending out hateful letters like this.

  12. Voice Your Opinion to


    These are his cronies that are writting these letters.

    I will sign my name like they sign there letters,


  13. please inform me, what was this bais faiga letter???
    boy am i glad i am not part of this “chashuva farfrumte” aka- elitist crowd!
    why is it that ALL the women who NEED to hear about tznius werent there???

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