Reader-submitted: Where’s the Achdus in on the Shidduch Scene?

opinionWe are cushioned from our formative years through young adulthood under the umbrella of the system, Yeshivos, Bais Yaakovs, Seminaries…but what happens when our children come home? All of the sudden there to be thrown to the wolves? The chord cut completely lose? Why doesn’t the “system” follow during this pivotal sensitive Parsha? There should be a hierarchy system that we can have access to when home from seminary and Yeshivos. Rather than everyone navigating Shidduchim separately.

It should be a system where everyone is submitted into the account/when doing Dor Yeshorim and they are matched up based on a profile that they fill out. Why waste time (inflict easily avoidable pain) pairing people who aren’t even matches? On hand Shadchanim/Boardmmebers/Mechanchos should match people up, hopefully initiating at least 2 to three matches per individual. It’s not a Shidduch crisis, it’s a “It’s so hard to get Shidduchim to come about so why even put in so much energy for one fruitful final yes from a boy and then the girl says no…” let’s use technology productively. You’re in the bungalow colony, then and there you think of a match, send a text,email wattsapp! To the database and let them facilitate the rest. Simply initiating a Shidduch off the ground makes someone a shadchan.

This is the opposite of a “dating service’ it’s the ultimate form of Achdus. People feel so lost navigating the Shidduch scene, especially newbie parents with their eldest child. There should be the general resource where you can turn to for Sheilos, Hadracha and in general SHADCHANIM.

The system should have graduates from all corresponding Yeshivos/BaisYaakovs. It shouldn’t be that out of towners are completely obsolete from the in town system. Quite the contrary,every graduate should be submitted into the database making it so much easier to network.

Many Shidduch ideas are nixed simple because it’s complicated to Redt it…you don’t want to be the one to Redt it for fear of one side seeing it as an unfit Shidduch, however you know it’s worth a try- go directly to the hierarchy database tell them you think Raizy from Bais Yaakov…Boro Park, would be a great match for your nephew David, Chofetz Chaim of Baltimore…and the onsite shadchans email the corresponding parties.

Going out of town can seem like a great opportunity to meet new Shadchanim and connections, but by the time someone has even looked into you, it’s already time to go home, no more is it the age when people do a little word of mouth research and chick chock “meet”. There should be a system where you let them know…”I will be in Los Angeles’ this is what I’m looking for, is there anyone that you think would match my profile…definitely the harder something is to achieve the greater the satisfaction, but does it have to be herculean to even have our children meet each other?

What the message of the three weeks is clear, Klal Yisroel needs Achdus. What could be a greater form of this then for everyone to be joined universally under one umbrella Shidduch system? Why should everyone have to work separately, inefficiently, alone?

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  1. Very true! We started 18 months ago and set out to create an extensive system to centralize and help everyone involved in shidduchim, including the shadchanim, parents, singles… We launched version 1.0, which is currently being used by hundreds of shadchanim and organizations from across the globe to centralize and maintain their databases. We have over 16k resumes. Two months ago we began the design and development of Version 2 which includes all the features and functionality needed to accomplish exactly what you proposed in your letter above. Version 2 will be launched in the coming months. Although the continuous development of this system costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, our services are free forever. We will never charge anyone.

    We are here to help and prepared to build any additional tools and functionality needed to assist everyone in shidduchim. Please speak up and let us know your ideas and needs.

    Raphael Lasry
    [email protected]

  2. Very well said & we hear your point. Obviously you’re in alot of pain and it comes out as a complaint against the system, which, though I disagree with, I feel for you – But, Please, dont ask the mechanchos or rabbeim to get involved. They’re too busy & underpaid with their current talmidim/od to spend time on their former talmidim/os. I wish you much Hatzlocha with your single child.

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