Reader-submitted: Think of Your Friend’s Child Left in Limbo

opinionAs those who have a bochur entering into mesivta know, the bechinas, the long-awaited bechinas, have begun. For some, the acceptance phone call comes right away. For others, well, let’s just say they wait in limbo as the Roshei Yeshiva decide on whether your bochur would best fit within the parameters of the yeshiva.

And yet, there are those, whom for whatever reason received the dreaded call that, although their son is a fine boy, the yeshiva is not for him.

Feelings of dejection overcome parent and child alike.

Entering into mesivta is a major milestone and ones’ future will be greatly impacted by the success – or lack thereof – of that yeshiva!

But first the bochur has to get into the yeshiva!

As many of us are busy deciding which one of the mesivtas to send our bochur to – as he aced all bechinas and was accepted into ALL of them! – we may have inadvertently forgotten our friend’s child. We perhaps overlook the fact that our child’s friend isn’t experiencing the same success as our own. And from one mesivta to the next he is being rejected with a polite but resounding: No.

My point: As we are busy with our own child, don’t forget your friend’s child. Mention him in your Shemona Esrei. Say a kapitel Tehillim for him. Give some tzedaka as a zechus for him.

Not only will you be helping others but you will be ensuring the success of your child as well.

Kol Hamispalel B’ad Chaveroi…

May we all be zoche that our bochurim enter into the mesivta most fitting to their spiritual needs and may they all be a great source of nachas to our families and Klal Yisroel.

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  1. Unfortunately we have developed a system where by 13 years old a boy is placed into a category and group. Many of the Rosh Yeshivas and Menahalim became who they are because no one judged or categorized them at such a ridiculously young age. Someone worked with them. Someone gave them some space and a chance.And you know that they may have grown and blossomed when they reached 12 grade. These days the talmidim don’t get that same chance.It’s like the free agent draft in sports. Each Yeshiva grabs the stars whom they feel will make them look better and their job easier. What ever happened to taking a boy and MAKING something of him? Remember…you got that chance…

  2. Wow, South Side, that is great.

    I believe the reason the writer chose this particular area is – as pointed out in the article – this time of the year is SPECIFIC to searching for mesivtas. And perhaps the letter writer is personally know a situation that drove him or her to write this article.

    So, there.

  3. Reb Rambo, you know what is interesting about people posting comments in general?

    I am guilty of this as well, but they just cannot let an article be what it is.

    Comment Away!

  4. I have friends whose kids didnt get into the High Schools they were hoping for. Friends whose children are on waiting lists for schools. I feel for them.
    We should all be carefull how we talk to them…think twice before bragging that “your kid was the first to get into ……. ” ,,,,, i know we are all proud when our children get accepted but lets think before talking .

  5. Until a couple of days ago my son was not accepted anywhere. I cannot convey how we and more importantly he felt. There has got to be a better way. (Not that it’s important, B”H we were now accepted into 2 out of the 3 he applied for.)

    And to the poster that said there are enough Mesivtas, this year for the first time there are not. There a 5 new 8th grades classes graduating and no new mesivtas opened this year. Yes, some already existing mesivtas had extra capacity but not enough to absorb the 5 new classes

  6. As a parent who is struggling hard to find a mesivta for my son,after being rejected by an elitist mesivta, ]yes there are a lot of mesivtas, but each one has it’s problems, and it has to be right for my son.]
    I would like to comment.
    #1 What I find extremely dangerous and disgusting and anti Torah Hashkofa, going in Lakewood, is the new trend that the mesivtas today only want “eluyim”!
    As far as I know only prestige’s colleges look for eluyim, mesivtas looking for eluyim is just gavah and kovod!!
    are we here to serve Klall Yisroel, or only boys that are eluyim [who by no work on their own Hashem gave them a super head]. And everyone else should go work.
    what’s wrong with a class that has a mix, why do the so called best mesivtas only let in someone with a lot of brains [that’s the only citeria, middos tovos and cheshek to learn doesn’t count at all?
    what message are the mesivtas sending out to our boys – if you weren’t born with extra brains, you are second class!!! You are not good enough for our elitist society. [how does the boy feel? He is in the dumps, by no fault of his own].
    How sad that most of our mesivtas have turned into colleges.
    Lakewood most do some big soul searching, we are trying to teach torah in the best way, but we are going about it in the wrong way and sending a wrong and bad message, it has to stop.
    #2 Everybody knows, Kllal Yisroel never really saw a lot of nachas from our eluyim! It’s the “hard work that counts”, and most boys fit into that category, to discriminate against them is a terrible averah.
    #3 I know a boy who stoped learning for a while after he was rejected by a certain elitist mesivta, when all his friends were accepted, [and he felt he was just as good as his friends].
    #4 How come there is no person to turn to in Lakewood, who really knows all the in’s and out’s of the mesivtas, and give proper advice which mesivta is proper for each boy on his level.
    #5 Don’t worry if you get rejected by the so called top mesivtas, there are lots of problems there which I can’t elaborate in public. Better go to the middle of the road to a mesivta that really cares about your son such as Rabbi Hirth or Rabbi Krupenia, Reb Eli Chaim Unger etc. shlit”a, where each and every boy is a star and they will work on each boy to bring out there full potential.
    Hatzlocha rabba to all.

  7. my son applied & got in to the mesivta AT HIS LEVEL. it may be a bit embarrassing that he’s not going to the top mesivtas, but being in a class at his level helps the rebbe focus at the level where the ENTIRE CLASS IS AT THE SAME LEVEL.

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