Hey Jew, they hate you.

Not everyone. Not even close. Most of our neighbors are good people who want the same things we do. But there’s a vocal minority that seems to have a problem with just about everything we do, and somehow, they always find a way to make it sound like something else.

They’ll call it overdevelopment, zoning, taxes, traffic, buses, or protecting the character of the neighborhood.

And those are all legitimate concerns. But sometimes, behind those concerns, there’s something else.

They’ll say we don’t pay taxes, even though our property tax bills arrive in the same mail as theirs.

They’ll say we’re destroying the public schools, even though we pay school taxes and then pay again to educate our own children.

They’ll say we refuse to assimilate, but when we move into their neighborhoods, suddenly we’re taking over.

They’ll complain about our shuls, our eruv, our sukkahs, our black hats, our beards, our children, and sometimes even the way we dress.

And some will tell you they have nothing against Jewish people, only the Orthodox ones, as though adding the word Orthodox somehow makes prejudice acceptable.

Ever notice how quickly a conversation about traffic can turn into a conversation about Jews?

How a discussion about zoning suddenly becomes a discussion about our religion?

How a complaint about school buses becomes an accusation that we’re stealing from taxpayers?

And how someone concerned about preserving their neighborhood suddenly has an opinion about how many children Jewish families should have?

That’s when you begin to wonder whether the conversation was ever really about traffic.

Now let’s be clear. Traffic is real. Parking is real. Overdevelopment is real, taxes are real. And every resident of Ocean County, Jewish or not, has every right to question what happens in their neighborhood.

But there’s a difference between opposing a development and opposing the people who might live there.

There’s a difference between asking whether a Shul has enough parking and saying you don’t want another Shul in your town.

There’s a difference between criticizing a school budget and blaming Jewish children for its problems.

And there’s a difference between loving your neighborhood and believing certain people don’t belong in it.

They’ll tell us to go somewhere else.

But where exactly are we supposed to go?

We’re Americans. We live here. We work here. We pay taxes here. We raise our children here. We volunteer here. We help our neighbors here.

And when someone needs an ambulance, a firefighter, or help on the side of the road, our volunteers don’t stop to ask what religion that person practices.

They’ll say Orthodox Jews only care about themselves.

But when we volunteer, participate in local government, attend public meetings, or organize to help our communities, somehow that’s suspicious too.

And when we vote?

Suddenly, we’re a voting bloc.

So which is it?

Do you want us involved in the community, or do you want us invisible?

The human mind is a fascinating thing. When someone already dislikes a group of people, almost anything that group does can become evidence against them.

If we stay quiet, we’re secretive.

If we speak up, we’re aggressive.

If we vote, we’re taking over.

If we don’t vote, we don’t care.

If we build, we’re overdeveloping.

If we buy an existing home, we’re changing the neighborhood.

If we keep to ourselves, we refuse to integrate.

If we move next door, we’re invading.

If we explain our traditions, we’re making excuses.

And if we defend ourselves, we’re playing the victim.

At some point, you realize that you cannot win an argument with someone who has already decided you’re guilty.

But here’s something else I’ve learned.

The loudest people on Facebook aren’t necessarily the majority. Sometimes they’re just the loudest.

I’ve sat down with neighbors who had concerns about Orthodox Jews, and after some conversation, we discovered that we had far more in common than either of us realized.

Because most people aren’t looking for a fight. They’re looking for answers.

And that’s exactly why I started the orthodox 101.

Not to force anyone to like us. Not to convince anyone to agree with our religious beliefs. But to explain who we are, why we do what we do, and hopefully open a conversation with the overwhelming majority of good people who simply don’t understand our way of life.

And now I want to say something to every Orthodox Jew living in Ocean County.

Don’t hide who you are.

Don’t be embarrassed by your yarmulke, your payos, your beard, your black hat, or your traditions.

Don’t apologize for having a family, sending your children to yeshiva, walking to shul on Shabbos, or wanting to live near people who share your religious practices.

Don’t allow a Facebook comment section to convince you that an entire county hates you.

Because it doesn’t.

There are wonderful people throughout Ocean County who welcome us, respect us, work alongside us, and treat us like the neighbors we are.

And those are the people we should be connecting with.

We don’t need everyone to agree with us. We don’t need everyone to understand every tradition. And we certainly don’t expect everyone to become Orthodox.

We just want people to understand that being different doesn’t make someone dangerous, and practicing our religion doesn’t make us any less American.

So be proud of who you are.

Be a good neighbor. Say hello. Start a conversation. Invite someone for coffee. Help someone who needs it.

And when someone tells you that you don’t belong here, remember something.

We’re not visitors. We’re not outsiders. We’re not guests waiting for permission to stay.

We’re residents. We’re taxpayers. We’re volunteers. We’re parents. We’re Americans.

And we’re Jews.

We belong in Ocean County just as much as anyone else.

And to our neighbors who have stood beside us, welcomed us, defended us, and treated us with respect, thank you.

Because the loudest voices don’t represent an entire community.

And hatred doesn’t get to decide who belongs here.

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