To My Fellow Friend,
Wow, what a year it’s been! This process of getting into High School is not a simple matter.
For years, I’ve been hearing about the difficulties involved, but I never thought it would happen to US. My daughter is really an amazing girl. I’m not just saying this because I am her mother. I get raving reviews about her wherever I go. She is BH very talented, capable, and has lots of personality. She is a true Bas Yisroel in her dress, actions and Tefillos. Her Middos are above and beyond. She is the one who always holds the door open for me and lets me walk in first. She is the one to jump up and help when she sees I am not managing. She is the first girl to approach another girl who is lonely or having a hard day. She is constantly looking for Chessed opportunities. Her teachers and principals love her, and had only the best things to say to all the High Schools we applied to.
I heard over from Rabbi Ashear (whose Shiurim have really helped me get through this) that when one door closes for us, Hashem is opening another. Multiple doors closed on us while we waited for answers. As agonizing as this has been, I truly believe it is 100% from Hashem and that He has a way bigger and better plan for us! I don’t believe in getting stuck on the school of “choice”. Just like with Shidduchim, our job isn’t always to look for the best, but rather to accept with love what Hashem gives us. Obviously, we cannot and should not give up on what is truly crucial and important, and we should never lower our standards. But we have to honestly ask ourselves: by wanting a specific school, am I doing it truly because that is what is best for my daughter or because the alternative (for example, a new school) is not respectable enough for me. Am I taking into consideration that every day my daughter is not in school is taking a heavy toll on her that will follow her forever?
BH after shedding many tears and Davening and Davening and Davening, I have come to the realization that Hashem is opening a door for me. A school where my daughter can thrive. Where she will be appreciated in so many ways, and not just be a number. A school that is perfect for my daughter in every way!
If your daughter is still not in school, and you would like to find out about other options please email me at: [email protected]. I can’t promise that I can help you but I will definitely BEH try.
If you would like to comment on this letter, please keep it POSITIVE, as we are trying to create a Kiddush Hashem and REBUILD the Bais Hamikdash, BEH very speedily in our days!!!
Sincerely,
A Friend
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thank you for addressing this. This is an ongoing issue as everyone is aware and it’s nice of you to offer your help. We didn’t either think it would ever happen to us in a million years but this year, to our disbelief our twin daughters were not expected anywhere due to their weight. They were born with a bad giene and now they are both extremely heavy and that’s why they are not accepted anywhere. This is a major issue and I would like for you to help out if possible. I don’t understand why weight has anything to do with what school they go to since they are amazing girl all around
Wait… What!? My knowledge regarding HS acceptance is limited; but I find that incredulous. Does one’s weight really factor into Lakewood HS acceptance? Thank you,
I think it’s a troll. Notice the word “expected”. Also, if this really was the case, these twin girls would hardly be unidentifiable and I don’t think a father would actually post something like that on a public forum. Finally, no school would ever do that and if they did, they wouldn’t specify this as their reason.
Im sorry. I will not allow my daughter to attend a newer high school. I will only allow her to attend one of the schools that have been open at least 7 to 10 years. That is my right. I dont care if the newer schools have 25 students in a class and the school I want already has 40 in a class. Its nobodies business to tell me what is good for my child. I will sit it it out and wait till my daughter is accepted into the school that I believe is the right school for her. My daughter is entitled to that .
Thank you
I assume this is a joke, but I will reply in case others may be of this warped mindset.
My daughter is B’E”H going in to 10th grade this year. She is currently in a school which is starting its 2nd year and could not be happier. She actually got in to a few schools, two of which have been around for a while and the new school was her 1st choice. We were a bit apprehensive sending to a new school, but familiarity with the person who started it and the menaheles helped alleviate that a bit. We couldn’t be happier with how things have turned out and the school is truly amazing.
For us as parents, we actually asked a shaila prior if we should send to the new school or one that was more established. The Rov told us we should send to the new school that my daughter was adamant about attending (she didn’t want to be just a number like the person in the OP referenced). He was familiar with the people heading the school as well.
Again, I believe your comment was some type of bad attempt at humor, but if there are actually people of that mindset, I don’t feel bad for them. They are the ones who are causing the “getting in to school” issue to be worse than it already is, and it is an issue, but not for people who say “I will only send to such and such school”.
Just make sure you and your wife don’t own any smartphones.
Your point if view is hard to understand.
Clearly, the older schools are overcrowded. 40 girls in a class is not normal.
The new schools are being opened by experienced educators. They are very necessary in order to create more slots.
Yet you would rather have your daughter go through the very difficult experience of sitting at home, rather than accept a slot being offered in a new school
Have you discussed this with your Rov? Because there seems to be something preventing you from being reasonable and realistic.
I doubt any askan is going to try to help you force your way in the one if the schools you want. So it seems that you are harming your daughter because of your stubbornness or ego.
I’m sure someone has already told you this. But maybe it’s time for a wake-up call!
The original letter writer makes such a good point. Sometimes we just have to accept reality, instead of trying to force our way to what we want.
if this is your train of thought then your daughter should stay home and not attend school at all. the very fact that you carry “an entitlement” to things is probably why she’s not accepted to your school of choice. unfortunately, your daughter pays the price as now she’s the odd girl out and looked very down upon!
years ago when my kids were little they went to a brand new school and it was the best thing I ever did for them and they loved being there!!
but suit yourself
Wow!
A letter where someone is stepping up to help instead of suggesting what someone else should do?
Refreshing!
Wow! The entire klal needs to support tzadukim like you. Its well needed. The community should pay u to set up a full office.The pain of your child not having a school is something i experienced personally. Bh my child got in to a wonderful school. What’s even more disgusting is these schools that refuse to take my child have no issue harrassing me for money. Dont mix the fact that we didn’t expect your kid. Torah is Torah! Guess what. My Torah says dont embarrass somone. Dont hurt their feelings. Keep up your great work!
But how can the schools start ???
how can we as klal yisroel allow the schools to start when there are girls who are still not accepted into school
how ?????
schools should absolutely not start untill every future Yiddisha mame is in school
Correct in theory, but not when parents were offered an appropriate placement, and are being akshanim, as the letter writer above.
Their behavior doesn’t justify blackmailing the entire tzibur.
(There may be suggested placements that are highly inappropriate. That has happened, unfortunately.
But there are certainly some people who are being unreasonable.)
I really do hope that “Not accepted” is being sarcastic.
you are making a great point, and I wish you and your family much hatzlacha and growth iyh. As a parent who had to fight to get into my school of choice (a newer one) this argument has been made to me by other parents who thought i was being irresponsible and stubborn. a child being out of school for a few days, and weeks, sometimes months, can take quite a toll. but being in the wrong school for four years- that can cause a lifetime of damage. I’m not saying Ch”v that you did the wrong thing. Only that there is a lot of nuance. What worked for you, might not work for others.
We are going to be doing shiduchim with our kids and its important that our daughter is in a school that portrays us as being choshuv. We can not afford for her not to be accepted to the most sought after school. Its not fair for anybody or any vaad to try to get us to accept second best.
The school your daughter goes to does not determine how smoothly her shidduchim will go. This way of thinking lacks basic bitachon and does not align with the Torah perspective. Maybe learn some shaar habitachon.
this. is. sick!!
you think it will be easier for shidduchim if your child stays home from school?? are u insane?? your chilrens shidduchim will happen the way Hashem wants them to happen and not Bec you need to be portrayed as choshiv
Also, she can be groomed at home & save on tuition $$$. Think of that! Hashem & only Hashem runs the world & has a way of making shiduchim. Never forget that!
(For those confused about this comment, please learn to recognize what a troll post looks like)
I sent my daughter to a high school that opened right before school started it did not last because nobody wanted to send
There where a few schools that opened the last minute and they did not survive.
I am in a similar position with a beautiful aidel daughter. I would love to have her name to daven for her.
I personally know girls not yet accepted. Great girls, smart, terrific middos, wonderful families. I can’t even imagine the emotional cost. The system needs to change. There are lots of amazing Principals and owners but there are others who hopefully will daven very shtark this Yom Kippur.
and any Rav or Askan who is in a position to help produce this change should grab the opportunity
Did you ask all those parents if they were willing to apply to sone of the newer schools and still didnt get in , or if they were hung up on only applying to schools that are overcrowded? Ask and you might be surprised
To Moshe
Everybody is aware that weight is a big factor in the acceptance process. You shoukd have worked on their weight for the last few years t9 make sure it is up to par with their classmates.