Too many times I’ve seen letters complaining about various aspects of what we’ll call the bochurim culture, and I think it’s time somebody finally stood up for the people upholding the continuity of Klal Yisroel.
People talk about the vaping, the smoking, the drinking, the waking up late, the off-Shabbos trips, and the bein hazmanim road trips. I’m not coming to defend or excuse any of this behavior. However, I want to focus on the aspect no one ever seems to talk about.
The fact that there are any yeshiva bochurim today is a massive, eternal testament to their dedication to Yiddishkeit.
To all those complaining, do you understand what kind of generation you’ve brought your children and grandchildren into? Do you understand what it means that today every child grows up reading “Jewish” publications in which every ad glorifies the best vacation, the best steak, the newest clothing trend, or the shot that will solve all your life’s problems by making you skinny?
This culture of complete and total immersion in physical pursuits is not coming from the bochurim. It’s coming from the generation raising them. The same generation that dares call these bochurim’s yiras Shamayim and mesiras nefesh into question. The generation idolizing everyone with a few dollars and a nice house dares complain about the standards of our yeshiva bochurim.
Please try and understand what it means to show up every day and put one foot in front of the other, with half the world complaining about you and the other half lauding individual accomplishments that you may not live up to, and not a single person celebrating just who you are—that you’re still trying, still showing up, and still putting in an effort—with zero credit for being the incredibly special person that you are.
Try to understand what it means when you’re looked down upon for having texting, when there’s a Walmart a 10-minute walk away where you can buy a smartphone for 20 bucks.
Understand what it means to push yourself to your limits, day in and day out, never with recognition, often even without encouragement, and then open up a magazine Friday night and read an essay on why bochurim shouldn’t smoke, why they have no business going skiing on off-Shabbosim, and why it’s ridiculous for them to go on road trips during bein hazmanim.
Let me be the first.
Our bochurim have my love and respect, and I value them just for who they are. I appreciate the sacrifices they make for Torah on a regular basis, even though they may not be loud about it, and even though the efforts they’re putting in are often invisible.
When Bilam tried cursing Klal Yisroel, only bracha came, because although he thought that if he could find shortcomings in the Yidden he would be able to curse us, Hashem taught us through Bilam that every Jew is holy and beloved, no matter what they may or may not be doing.
Because ultimately, I guarantee you that everybody is trying their best, and we’re all making our Father proud.
With pride and appreciation,
Ben Noam
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to us via Whatsapp or via email [email protected]
Thank you for actually seeing the good. I so agree with you. This young gener6have so much Simchas hachaim. Hashem is soo proud of them.
You couldnt of said it better.What a beautiful kiddush Hashem letter.
Couldnt of said it better.They are bringing all the Brocha for the world.Thank them!!!
100% correct, I’d like to ADD that besides all these, they try their best to help others with their Internet addiction.
Besides the ads, etc., the internet and especially “Smart Phones” are a big part of our current Golus. I’m not making accusations but just a thought.
I wish our devoted Bachurim much Hatzlacha and Berachot.
amen
Not buying it. Been there done that and it aint as hard as you make it to be. For some, yes. And we make allowances for them. But the complaints are about the culture as you yourself stated, not about the fringes. And the more you make excuses, the more you normalize it and encourage going further.
Oh. You need to lighten up a bit, don’t you think?
So in other words, harmful behavior should be overlooked, so long as they’re religious and following religious social norms. I’d like to see people be okay with this if it was about girls. Maybe local publications should think about this before posting about how girls have too much free time, and how it shouldn’t be acceptable for girls to be chilling when they should be doing school assigned chessed all day every day.
Perhaps you missed the part of his letter “I’m not coming to defend or excuse any of this behavior”
I didn’t say anything about it being excused. I said it seems as if the letter writer while not thinking these behaviors should be excused, thinks these behaviors should be overlooked so long as the boys are learning.
He didn’t say that either though. He simply said we can see the good
A bachur can be commended for learning 10 hours a day even if he also smokes. And yes, they should deal with the smoking issue separately but that’s not the point
But obviously if a high school girl who got a 100% mark in every class gets her license while she’s still in school, all the work she did in her four years of high school should mean nothing, and she shouldn’t get a diploma, right?
Make that make sense.
Very Well Ben Noam, love your attitude!
People like to kvetch thereby calming their own guilt! To all naysayers I say קשוט עצמך hire yourself a good shrink and get better with yourself only after you have done work on your self can you even entertain what’s wrong with others!
Where are the parents?
Playing cards.
SOME of them are busy with latest home renovations, talking million$$ whether true or not, not reading anything other than so- called frum magazines, or lectures with regurgited boring platitudes. Not teaching excitement about Torah yiddishkeit.
Thank yuou to the one who wrote this letter i think there should be an adirei hatorah event for buchorim like bmg
There have been – it gets done in a roundabout way – such as for cell phone daas Torah, but at least at those gatherings, there are also many points discussed all around, and compliments and recognition.
Rav Don Segal once said at such a gathering in Lakewood, about ten year ago, that how is it that passengers on a plane are willing to literally place themselves in the pilots’ hands? One answer is given that the pilots themselves want to live, but a deeper answer is given too, that when the pilot knows the people are relying on him, that empowers him to do a good job.
So too, when a person knows his purpose in this world, he is empowered and enlivened to perform well.
Very nice points.
At the same time, let us help them to get a good night of sleep, to eat healthfully, be besimcha, and to help them out with any concerns and questions they may have. This can be both through shmuzen and seforim and with personal conversation (making it clear that anything personal will remain confidential).
If one gets good sleep etc, he’d laugh at vapes. If one is calmer, he has more of a mind to shteig and accomplish, and if one can discuss what is on his mind – and people will help him out to take care of things, not only if “they” think he’s right, but if he has a point that for example, he’s never getting a good night of sleep, they’ll actually do something about it – to stop others from making noise late, and that bochurim should not have alarm clock ringing early and awaking everyone in room/bungalow (because they think it’s some yichus to have early morning learning and forgot to take into account that the noise may be a mitzvah habaa b’aveira), and other such things. If “problems” are only extreme things which will affect one’s parnassa but not what someone else is concerned about, so who does he have to talk to?
But as with everything in life, these are decisions one must make. A bochur will have to decide what to do when he sees things are just not going as good as they could be.
For the full-grown adults: ומתלמידי יותר מכולם. It’s not only about you helping them, but about getting involved, and just as talmidim must adjust and can’t expect everything to be perfect – as the last time everything was perfect was Adam Harishon kodem hachet, so too, parents and mechanchim are expected to grow on the job too. There is a lot of good being done, but we should get more involved. And whoever can help out in whatever way, is a big mitzvah, and indeed, many do.
Even friends can help and encourage each other, and help with all these matters, it’s not so difficult, just takes some focus. People can discuss with each other and work these things out. You’d be amazed at what can be accomplished, and many do.
I didn’t read your comment, my thumbs down is for the length of your comment
Perfectly fine, as long as we know what it is for.
About the length, I’ll put it this way, the comment is for someone who wants to get involved; if he’s not interested to, it’s better not to read, as it may get one nervous.
Yeshiva bochurim are not spaced out; they’re great, as the letter says and as people are noting, but there are always things that can be better. Just as we are building nicer buildings, so too we should help in health and emotional ways. We do, and whatever more can be done is great.
At the same time, yeshiva bochurim – and all people – should know that the look of your building – and likewise how sharp you come across, doesn’t define you per se’. There are any things that if you point out to someone, he’ll say you’re being overly perfectionist. So where do you draw the line on anything? Obviously these are decisions that have to be made. Yeshiva bochurim are known that at the minimum, the Ten Commandments are solid – and there is a lot more. But while we certainly have that goal, we want all 613.
So does a person not need organic food and good sleep etc. for that? Is it right o say there were certain gedolim who strained themselves and anyway grew great? Can we expect – and is it practical – to expect others to do so too? If you’d ask the gedolim, were they saying that is perfectly the way to go, or were they saying that that was what they had and they did their best with it. But to “mass produce” gadlus, we need better health and sleep and calmer attitudes. We do have that more and more over the years, but whatever one can help is important.
To make sure everyone gets to sleep at a good hour- not to have FOMO, and for camps, not to have another reason to go to sleep late every few nights – trip, play, choir, counselors waking up campers for surprise birthday party. As much as it’s cutesy and they mean well, it’s just not healthy and not good and unnecessary.
I understand good sleep etc. is a challenge, but if there was a focus, it would happen.
So your basically solicitating empathy to avoid acting responsibly. If something is wrong its wrong. The gedolim arent happy with some of these behaviors that are inappropriate. You are trying to be positive which is commendable but its bieng done cancel culture style. If its wrong dont excuse it! Yes there are nisyanos but let’s separate the acceptance versus unacceptable behaviors. We also know that hashem gives us the tools to deal with the problems. You want to empower bochrim . Go ahead. Give Chizzuk. Hold them accountable as well.
His point is that if the bochurim are doing things that aren’t so good, maybe it’s because we have built a “frum” culture that is up to it’s eyeballs in gashmiyus. Maybe our “frum” publications are 85% advertising for an expensive, gashmiusdike lifestyle. Maybe we give all the kavod to people who are wealthy and $$ seem to be the ultimate value in our “frum”‘ culture. What do you expect from our bochurim?
So yuo need to stop being so inti gashmiyus, so your children will know that beinga baal gashmiyus and baal taavah is against Torah. Don’t blame the magazine. blame yourself and the mosdos for pushing the stira to torah.
This reminds me of an article I once read from R Yisroel Besser. He also similarly did not come to defend the negative behaviors. His point was to compare the bachur to any typical teenager in the world and you will see the tremendous difference be grateful for it.Ayin sham.
There’s no reason to bash bachurim in articles bec ppl who can change the system are not the ones reading it. Go talk to rosh yeshivas and rebbiem who actually have the power to make changes. Why do you think you’re smarter than the choshuve mechanchim running the system. If you do go talk to them. No ones saying there’s no problems just articles and letters don’t help the situation. We should be talking how we can better support bachurim instead.
He’s actually saying in a round about way, that this gashmiyus is actually pfectly fine. he’s not pushing for betterment.
What he is saying is that the choshuve bochurim of today are living today and not 50 years ago and as such their הנהגות reflect the “frum” culture of today, done their way.
Amazing ! I can’t say enough of our choshuva bochurim living through the nisyonos of todays world, it’s beyond our foggiest comprehension what they have to put up with on a daily basis. What we went through in the Yeshiva system 30 or 40 years ago we couldn’t have dreamt up such challenges, Sure, its not about condoning their short comings, its rather understanding them well. We should just be giving them our full appreciation for their Torah dilligence, and yes with the todays gashmiyus as well that comes along with it. for they are our future Kollel Yungerleit! Rabbonim! Roshei Yeshiva! Melamdim! Askonim! Balei Batim.. leaders of klal yisroel.
Maybe we should consider using the same logic with girls schools instead of just telling them that nothing they did in all four years of high school matters because they got drivers licenses before they were allowed to.
I guess the future mothers of klal yisroel don’t deserve the same appreciation or empathy as the future askonim.