Every year before Purim, the same quiet anxiety begins.
What are we making?
What theme are we doing?
How much are we spending?
Who are we giving to?
What used to be a beautiful, simple mitzvah has slowly turned into something else — a production.
Shalach Manos was never intended to be a financial showcase. It wasn’t meant to create pressure for families who are already stretched thin.
And yet, that’s exactly what it has become in many communities, especially the community I am part of – Lakewood.
Between themes, custom logos, matching packaging, professional labels, etc. These are at LEAST $30–$40 per shalach manos — sometimes more. Multiply that by 40, 50, even 60 people and that’s real money!
Even in families that appear “comfortable,” the math simply doesn’t work. With multiple children, tuition, seminary, weddings, cars, insurance, mortgages, groceries, and daily life — there isn’t endless “extra money” spending sitting around waiting for Purim. And remember, Pesach is right around the corner.
This isn’t about criticizing anyone. Many families genuinely enjoy the creativity. There’s nothing wrong with beauty. There’s nothing wrong with effort.
But somewhere along the way, the expectation quietly shifted.
And expectations create pressure.
Not everyone can — or should — be spending thousands of dollars on Shalach Manos. And many people who are spending it can’t actually afford to.
We don’t talk about that part.
What if we collectively decided to tone it down?
What if under $20 was normal again?
What if thoughtful mattered more than themed?
What if our kids learned that the mitzvah is about connection — not competition?
Interestingly, I just came across a contest encouraging exactly that — a Purim challenge rewarding the most creative Shalach Manos under $10. It felt refreshing to see something promoting restraint instead of escalation.
Because that’s what many families quietly need right now: permission to step back.
Purim is about simcha. Unity. Giving. Gratitude.
Not financial strain.
Maybe this year, the bravest thing we can do isn’t outdo each other.
Maybe it’s to reset the culture.
Hope this changes things,
Shulamis.
Lakewood, NJ
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to us via Whatsapp or via email [email protected]
There’s no reason to spend a crazy amount of money. Half the time it goes into the garbage. Keep in mind Pesach is four weeks away
Come to brooklyn. Here, mishloach man’s can cost between $2-$5. Who needs to spend more? Its the thought that counts, not the ‘who can out do the other’
How is each shalach manos costing $10,$20 or even $30 a piece? What are you putting in there?? It shouldn’t cost more that $2,$3 or $4!!!
If you remove the word ‘creative’ from the conversation, the cost will drop, and the message of comradery will rise.
Sorry, you’re a fool. You decide how elaborate to make your Shalach Manos, no one else. Ours is the same every year, is real food, and costs around $4.
Don’t hock if you’re part of it. We long decided we are not.
Spend $40 per gift and don’t complain. Or spend $4 per gift and don’t complain either.
Than you for your attention to this matter.
Nailed it!!!!!
💯 👍 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 👍 💯 💯 💯
If you are living in a neighborhood where everyone is spending $30 or more on shalach manos, it’s time to move. I live in a neighborhood where the average person isn’t spending more than a few dollars. There is no reason why anyone should be spending more than that, and if you feel like you are less than because you don’t want to spend less then maybe it’s time to move to a neighborhood with normal people.
Exactly my thoughts. I don’t know what the writer is referring to.
I have the same attitude. I give what I give – if you don’t like it, say no thank you and I’ll give it to the next person.
1000%!!!!
I dont know who you hang around with, but my average shalach manos is under $5.00 and have also never rec’d a shalach manos over $30, unless it was a special one for an employer.
maybe you need to rethink your life choices.
Come over to my side of town, creativity trumps $$$.
We will welcome you.
that’s a unhealthy attitude, make sure your young innocent kids don’t hear that, they need to hear a happy and excited momy
Idk what you’re talking about. I’m a very fancy lady and I spend $3-5 per shalach manos. Always make it cute somehow without spending a lot.
I live on quite a balebatishe/wealthy block in Lakewood, and we all give each other. NOBODY spends the kind of money you are talking about. NOBODY!! Maybe privately to their business associates they do but we don’t know about it.
Can you give some ideas of past years for those like me who arent so creative , thanks!
Hi! 👋 I’m faigy from @metziahs we actually made this contest to show you can make something beautiful on a budget- I hope you join Metziahs .com/contest
I am trying to take a vote…
What is something that you do not throw out from MM?
I am trying to figure out what to give that won’t be a waste.
Thank you to whoever votes!
Beer, chocolate, soda cans, those round waifers. wine. grape juice, beef jerky,
All else will probably be donated to a shul coffee room a week before Pesach
Salads, fruits, nuts, good chocolate or a healthy juice can.
I’ve always given what would be a light meal or snack. People call me up afterwards and always thank me for the first meal they had that day that made them feel good.
Fruits in small containers with a mini fork. Melba toast or rice cakes with a mini cream cheese, guac and water and a clementine.
Everyone in the family ends up having something while they’re on running around town. And they’re not high on sugar.
I’m taking my family to Florida for Purim (if our flight doesn’t get canceled.)
It’s cheaper at least for my circumstances, and more enjoyable.
Am I the only one suspecting this is another purim joke by the lakewood scoop?
Every time I read one of these “kvetch-fests” whether it’s about the cost of seminary and simchos, shidduchim issues, someone’s fancy car or house, and now, Shaloch Manos, I think why don’t YOU be the Nachshon and do whatever works for YOU?? Who cares what yenem does? Stop looking at what others have and choose to do. Saychel seems to be in very short supply in your neighborhood. Too bad they don’t sell it in Lakewood along with the fancy meatboards 🙄
you can order sweetbreads on your meatboard.
Yes. Siz shver tzu zein ah Yid. Each Yom Tov is supposed to be a simchadika time. If you live to please the naysayers, you’ll never enjoy a Torah life.
I am very into themes and creativity and have never spent more than $5-6 on a single Mishloach Manos. Kudos to that contest for showing that creativity doesn’t have to go above and beyond a normal process point. Use your creativity! Not your money!
Uh-oh!!!
I’m only spending like $5.00 on mine, and only making 20.
I had no clue we were socially off.
This is so embarrassing!
Thank you for this letter. Now that I know the standards, I will open a credit card, and this year we will send the standard creative shaloch manoses that our friends, families, and neighbors expect.
Scratching my head… is this just trolling? $30 a piece?? Never in my life got such a shalach manos. This isn’t a Lakewood problem, sorry…
lol, ive gotten a 200 dollar shala h manos, and it was a mistake. A company that i did a few jobs for, accidentally had me on the wrong list:)
Did they ask you to give it back?
Shulamis,
I feel your pain.
Therefore, I will let you in on a secret.
That secret is that my “fancy” Mishloach Manos which cost $30-40 each, actually only cost me $5-12 each and are heavily uplifted be the time, love, and effort put in to the presentation.
Once you give yourself a budget you can peruse the weekly circulars or wander through the aisles of a few local groceries and brainstorm.
This will cost you a little more time, but not so much more.
Sometimes it’s helpful to analyze the “professional” Mishloach Manos to see how nerdy and empty they actually are.
A couple pointers: shrink bags are a cost effective way to hold it all together (you can get them cheap at center of town or hobby lobby), crinkle filler is a cheaper way to fill the bottom of your bag or basket than doubling the amount of foodstuff, most people will have deconstructed what you sent to recycle it on to the next people.
You can buy labels off the shelf at so many stores, but if you want your own design, you can use AI or you can go to Mrs Segal. She charges a flat rate per sheet including design and printing.
Reach out if you want some professional looking ideas that got positive feedback in previous years that can still be achieved for under $15-20.
if you are spending that much on mishloach manos it’s time to stop acting like a peer pressured teenager. I spend about $2 a pc and the same for my kids and my mishloach manos are beautiful (and taste delicious). And my kids are thrilled they don’t expect more they get the same from they friends. I live in the Lakewood area too!
The mitzvah was not given to be impoverished. With pesach coming, one should do on purim what they feel comfortable with . Don’t look what others give.
I guess I’m living in the wrong neighborhood! No one is giving me $30 shalach manos.
i suspect this is a made up story. my block is very well off and nobody gives expensive mm.
no could be she is a wife of a rabbi but she doent have to send back fancy ones she can guive back whats in her ability nobody expect her to guive back a fancy wine like she got
I have a good idea for you. Dress up in green, whatever green stuff you have from color wars gone by and say “The ____ Family Goes Green” and then you can make a recycling theme and recycle all the $30 MM. make sure you include the original tags and a special “this MM has been recycled” sticker 😂 #yourwelcome
The problem of excessive shalach monos was being discussed over 60 years.
It just get s worse.
I don’t know what the writer is referring to.
We have given the same thing every year since the last time Purim fell out on Friday.
A small homemade challah in a mini garbage can.
Its the perfect Mishloach Manos gift. Why make the recipient put the challah in the garbage? Just send it in a garbage in the first place. No Baal Tashchis. No need for the cleaning crew in the shul/yeshivah coffee room to throw it out. Best of all, it costs less than $3.
Best comment 😂😂
You can always DIY and not overspend and be creative. Do not give in to any perceived pressure to do something you can’t afford!
Hashem wants a happy Jew doing a mitzvah not a worried stressed Jew being negative on Purim…
Just like all such articles, they reflect the author’s issues.
Many of us have merited to live a life of emess, and do not suffer from this kind of peer pressure. If someone chooses to live amongst shallow gashmiyusdige people, he/she should not demand they adjust for him/her. They are sick in the head, but one suspects that the complainers are secretly jealous and do not really wish to lower the standards. They would rather that they had the ability to elevate the standard, which they can’t.
Those who see success in Torah, mitzvos, and dveikus, feel bad for those who feel like failures because they can’t afford to spend money on junk.
We made adorable shaloch manos with custom vinyl labels, a matching toy, and a nice chocolate and candy.
Cost about $4.75 each.
I heard our bus drivers really appreciate being given our leftover Shalach Monos we were gonna throw out for Pesach.
Stop trying to keep up with the Johnsbergs, it is easy to make inexpensive beautiful Mishloach Manos, no more than a few bucks, stop worrying about other people and do what you are supposed to.
I usually get home made muffins and challah rolls…2 or 3 frank in blanks platters.
Nothing close to $2 a piece.
Then do your own thing. Forget what everyone does and that was do what works for you.
I always make something small useful and enjoyable that’s healthy. People thank me for it because it’s so simple and everyone likes it. The entire budget is maybe $40. You don’t have to do what everyone else does and it will still be wonderful.