Listen to this article
Dear Editor and Parents with Daughters That Went to Sem (or going) :
I want to be clear from the start: I’m not here to fight the battle of seminary. I’m not stirring the pot, and I’m not blaming anyone. The reality is that all our girls go to seminary, and if a girl doesn’t go, people ask why. As a shadchan, I hear that question from mothers all the time.
My oldest daughter is starting her seminary applications now. I have several girls after that. At roughly $35,000 per year, that adds up to close to $200,000, and that’s before we even get to weddings/support.
So I have one honest question for the community: how are people actually doing it?
Please don’t tell me I should have started saving at 20. That isn’t realistic for most families, at least not at the rate of $35k a year x number of daughters. Frum life typically does not allow for that, at least not for the average family. Please don’t say grandparents either. That’s a Bracha for some, but for the vast majority of us it simply isn’t an option. Scholarships help a little, but taking $3,000 off a $35,000 bill doesn’t answer the question.
So what is the answer? Is everyone just quietly going into debt because that’s what everyone else is doing? (And if that’s the case, does it really make sense)?
I’d genuinely like to hear from parents who have been through it, and from those going through it now. What worked? What didn’t? How did you manage without drowning?
I think many of us are asking the same question in private. Maybe it’s time to ask it out loud.
Sincerely,
A Lakewood Parent
PS bewteen my wife an I we make a nice Parnasaah (form RSK I am told above average) and we do not spend out of our budget.
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to us via Whatsapp or via email [email protected]
I sent my daughter to seminary in Lakewood and she is doing just fine. In fact she is still going to night classes there 3 years later. And her classes were full!! And her friends are getting married. So if you send your daughter to E”Y you might not get the resounding cries of sympathy you were expecting. And just FYI- if your daughter goes to E”Y don’t expect your other children’s schools to have any sympathy when you come for a scholarship; they are going to ask why they have to subsidize your daughter in E”Y.
Will a bachur that learned in Brisk be willing to be mishadeich with a girl that didn’t go to seminary in Israel?! Something to consider.
She’s better off it’s all status today … in the yeshivas
the better husband very often is not from brisk
Hashkafa classes don’t have to be out of town or the country. Nor do they only have to last for one year. We are obligated to learn as long as we are blessed to be able to. For some, the seminary environment is a necessity. For everyone else, the emperor has no clothes.
You really have to get used to this expense because it is really not much compared to support for each of those daughters. Don’t harp on seminary because if you can’t pay the sem fee, you for sure won’t be able to support. So keep her home, let her start schooling so she can support herself when she gets married.
I keep seeing articles about seminary and the expenses associated with it. I am not Jewish. An honest question, what is seminary and is it necessary? Thank you for answering my question.
Seminary is a post high school but before college education institution. Jewish customs(traditions), religion and other similar related topics are taught.
Your not supposed to be going to seminary at least not is Israel. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear but it’s the reality. And don’t think she won’t get married without it. It’s a bunch of bunk
Let’s be honest, it’s not necessary to apply to the $35K seminaries. They are all too expensive, but there are still several in the $18-$20K range and I insisted my daughter apply to those.
I also told my daughter she can go if she gets into a better priced option, otherwise she’ll stay here. She understood and worked with her options. I could’ve managed the 35k but have better uses for my savings, like support. You dont have to follow the crowd.
How about sleep away camp
Ask the seminary for breaks! Apply for fafsa!
There are a few excellent seminary’s in Lakewood. Hundreds of girls enrolled. I know One of them has 170. So Israel is definitely not the must have option. a neighbor of mine ask his Daas Torah this question. Was told not to send to Israel guess what happened she stayed in a local seminary and got married.
Honest answer is that they start billing you monthly from the time she gets accepted and the cost is spread out over many months. If you deduct the cost of her current high school tuition, room, board and food from when she is living at home it lowers your extra out of pocket expense. You can also negotiate tuition down (some seminaries more than others). This doesn’t explain how everybody affords it, but it makes it a bit more manageable.
We bh sent a bunch of daughters to sem. We only applied to the ones that will give a large scholarship. We are middle class so we aren’t eligible for govt aide but we can’t afford it either. The sems will make payment plans with you to pay from whe they get accepted through the year. Idk who ca afford those lump sum payments of 5k or more at once. The issue is keeping your daughter in a local sem I’m told isn’t that much cheaper and then they’re shopping and going to simchas. There are other costs involved in keeping them home. Maybe the idea is to stop the sem trend once and for all!!!!
I wish there would be a good answer but there isn’t just like it makes no sense that we send our kids to sleepaway camp for $3,000 a half. Seminary is a fortune but I can tell you that my daughter who is in seminary in EY now is absolutely loving it and can’t thank us enough for sending her. The inspiring lessons, amazing trips and being in EY are something she will remember for life.
Send her in the summer for 2 weeks it’s a lot cheaper and she can pay for it herself. Elimate seminary altogether no seminary here or in way. It’s time a girl start growing up get a job and saving up her Pennie’s.
Agreed my daughter is there now and is absolutely loving Seminary! It’s a great year that the girls cherish forever! There is a reason it’s been successful for so many years obviously it’s working for most girls! As far as the money just like with everything else it’s Mi Kamcha Yisroel there are so many generous people helping others whether it’s with buying homes paying tuition paying for camp and so many other things Seminary being one of them! Seminary is a great year and it’s a big zechus if your daughters can go and spend the year there! Wishing you much Hatzlacha!
Seminary was 26k.Masa which is a grant from Israel covered 2k.My daughter worked throughout the year and summer. She contributed 12k plus spending money. Grandparents gave 3k.
Have sent daughters to Brooklyn for under 6K, after fafsa, which was equal to another year of regular school tuition. Have sent to Lakewood, which was even less, after fafsa etc. as rabbi lewenstein (one of the biggest shadchanim in Lakewood) said it does not make a difference for a yeshivish shidduch.
There are girls who would benefit greatly from going away, but in general it is not necessary.
FYI I sent 3 of my girls to sem here in lakewood and was beyond thrilled! The program for learning and also extracurricular experiences were fantastic. There was a full day program and dorm for overnight, they came home every shabbos. They did not feel like they were losing out, they know EY is not in our budget at all. There are great local options that are definitely cheaper, and are willing to give discounts and scholarships. My girls bh got married to wonderful amazing husbands, without going to EY for sem.
There’s Seminaries here in Lakewood, Boro Park etc. A boy whom will make an issue about seminary in Israel is not worth marrying your daughter. And most boys look at the girl & not which seminary she went to , And a smart normal girl dresses nice, stays in shape etc. My wife went to seminary in Israel, it was an experience for herself but I couldn’t care less, I had seen a smart, good looking, responsible girl.
Seminary is not a necessity, girls should work on getting a degree/job to support their future. Even boys don’t necessarily need E”Y for yeshiva. There are some nice places in the states that can take their learning to the next level.
I sent mine and they had a blast. I definetely could not afford it, but if their friends are going then I have no choice. It’s not fair for you to say no if you raise them in a community where most of her friends go. Just my opinion. And once they’re going I tell them how happy I am for them to go.
I have three married daughters. The older two went to seminary in Brooklyn. The third one wanted to go to Israel. I told her she will need to babysit and save up money and pay for part of it, otherwise it is impossible for us to pay.
Boruch Hashem all three married Choshuver Bnei Torah.