Dear Fellow Neighbor
With Purim one month away, I wanted to bring up a topic that is surely on everyone’s mind.
Costumes and Mishloach Manos.
But really, what’s on many people’s minds is how can I make the most adorable, most impressive, most talked about, and obvious winner of the cuteness and creative award for this years Mishloach Manos.
Now, don’t get me wrong (and I feel some of you getting those defense mechanisms in gear), I get it that sometimes a theme makes it easier to spend less and give smaller stuff because it fits to the theme. And that there is nothing wrong if everyone looks just right and put together and the costumes and Mishloach manos happens to be a theme (along with a professional portrait attached so everyone that may have missed your cute matching bunch chops the matzav and gets extreme pleasure, of course not jealousy, on your picture perfect brood). No nothing wrong with that.
But let me bring you back to what Purim was like when I was growing up. (Granted, it was out of town and we were less pressured to impress neighbors, but I think Im not so off by suggesting this even happened “in-town”. Purim came, some people sent baskets of random stuff, some people sent kugels, challahs, or cakes. Others bought dollar store gift bags and put in a grape juice or wine with a pineapple. Some lucky well statused individuals received really fancy large baskets of random stuff arranged nicely, wrapped in cellophane and a bow. (I remember learning how to curl the ribbons with a scissor!)
You maybe had one or two families that were artsy and creative and they sewed matching cosutmes and crafted some sort of themed Mishloach manos. But the junk just piled up on the table and aside from keeping labels on the baked goods so we knew who sent them, all packages went the way of the trash can before you could admire the details and the prized goodies got divided into different bags that were saved to divide the nosh.
Costumes consisted of…. Now don’t get scared or anything (drumroll)….
WHATEVER THE KID WANTED TO DRESS UP AS!
Yes, you read that right. Ok, so the kids did want to have the best most crazy costume. We even had costume contests and I may have even won one of them. But all the pressure of matching and themes, well, we must have been in the dark ages I guess.
No adults made us kids wear costumes that THEY wanted. It was all about what we wanted to feel the excitement of Purim. Some of us wanted to be Vashti or Haman. Some policemen or an upside down man. Kallahs and princesses, and closeout costumes and masks from some outside sources may have seen the light of day too. But unless you were good with the sewing machine, we rarely saw a family with a matching theme. (And I’m not THAT old). Purim was fun and about each kid having a chance to be a kid. Not being forced to be a model for the parents (or older sisters, ahem.)
Fast forward to Lakewood, 2024, and Purim has evolved into a costume fashion show, with the most impressive of family creations and Mishloach Manos that are creative enough to win awards and trophies. Oh, and professional photo shoots. You can NOT forget the photo shoot. How can you send a Mishloach Manos without the family photo?!?!?! You may be deemed…. Oh never mind.
My friends, so many of our budgets are tight. We throw an INSANE AMOUNT OF MONEY into this incredible mishugas that we call Purim, go broke just in time to start preparing for Pesach (which is about to make us go double broke, but that is another conversation) and then many mothers are just thrilled with all the junk they just accumulated that must be consumed in record time before the Chometz dump begins. I get it. Prices are out of hand to begin with so no matter what the Mishloach Manos scene is gonna cost a pretty penny.
But am I the only one that feels like we’ve reached the level of insanity and lost the whole beauty of the Mitzvos Hayom?
Themes are fine. Im not knocking them. But where do your priorities lie? Am I wrong? Do you do it for you or do you do it for the kids. Do you do it for Hashem or do your do for the Ooohhs and the Aaaaahs?
Face the music. Let your kids choose what they want to be for Purim (and if it just so happens to end up with them all matching…. Wonderful). Do what you need to do for Mishloach Manos, set your limits on what you can give. And have an awesome day.
Signed,
Your not so fancy next door neighbor that is not as cool as you.
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Come out of town. It’s still the same- do whatever you want and nobody cares.
Everyone just stop caring and pressuring yourself because of Everyone else and you’ll be a lot happier.
I wonder if spending money on Mishloach Manos and costumes go in to the catagory that Chazal say that “Hotzas yom tov” is not included in the decree of how much money you will have this year. (For sure money spent on pesach is included so no need to worry the spending for pesach will make you go broke.)
True. There seems to be another disturbing trend and that is, that sudenly on Purim people don’t eat other people’s food eventhough they would eat in those people’s houses if it weren’t Purim. We all know about hand washing. Food that’s cooked or baked reach high enough temperatures to kill germs. People spend hours and money trying to be mekayem the mitzva of mishloach manos. (And I don’t think that gum balls and candies qualify as food), and then the recepient throws out all that hard work.
A freilichen and well thought out Purim.
I am disgusted every year when I see some of the Mishloach Manos packages I receive. So much time, effort, and money goes into the packaging, and it ends up in the garbage! Even the non-disposable containers get thrown out. How many platters or tin cans do I need? I, for one, am not impressed in the slightest.
It is incredible to see how people cannot control themselves from telling others what to do and what not to do. Who cares what kind of Mishloach Manos and costumes the neighbors do? And if people are forcing their kids to go along with themes and putting their six-foot husbands into sleeper pajamas, (for example…) Purim is clearly NOT their biggest problem.
I think the Scoop should poll “how many people made a lifestyle change after reading someone’s op-ed on the scoop?”
Agreed!!
I second this poll. I really would love to see what the answer is.
I live in lkwd for 25 yrs, have never been pressured by other people. My kids wear what they want to, sometimes we buy new costumes, sometimes they are repeats…. whatever works. For MM we always buy store bought items so there should be less bal tashchis, and just 2-3 items. Always within a budget. So if you want to, you can be just like the out of towners. Who’s pressuring you?
Same! Was going to write something similar, glad to see another Lakewood lady refusing to join the expensive mm craze. Purim is supposed to be a time of simcha, not stressing out/maxing out your cc. My kids are dressing up in whatever they decide. I have a nice low-budget 3 pc mm with a fun, understated theme & my husband I am dressing up a bit to match it. My kids aren’t interested in doing so & I def don’t see the point in forcing them.
Why should we go back to when you were growing up & stop there?
My Zaidy told me in the old country his best Purim was when he received a 1/4 of a hard boiled egg & 1/2 a slice of black bread (made with sawdust).
As for costumes all the children received a burlap sack to wear which they decorated using their own creativity.
Please, I implore all Yidden, let’s go back to how things were in the Alta Heim.
I love this article. I haven’t agreed 100% with one of these submitted articles in a long time. 2 years ago I made a huge mistake of trying to put lots of stuff into each of my bags, whereas last year I stuck to the super super Basics and I really kept it all under budget and I was very impressed with myself. And you know what? My friends like me just as much last year when they got fewer items and less expensive items.
Repeat after me: I’m very happy for my friend/ neighbor/ fellow Lakewooder but I am not getting involved in that race.
There!
Now you can enjoy people’s creativity and not feel the slightest bit of pressure. Your friends and family will not think less of you.
I’ve always felt sorry for the boys who probably want to be a soldier or police man but their mom is forcing them to be a baker matching all his sisters so they can give out rugelach.
When I was a kid I used to plan all year what I was gonna dress up as on Purim. It was so much fun.
And why do you care?
Stop focusing on the few Look at the vast amount of people that do the Mitzvos Hayom just right!
At the end of the day all the children are having fun this is what it all is about let the kids be kids already.
From the Type of Mishaloach Manos one gives you can judge their personality:
One whom gives everything Home Baked & Home Made you know that that lady is a big Baal’Habayistih.
One whom gives the richest, sweetest, creamiest bakery cakes you that person has a “sweet tooth” and is fighting to keep their blood sugar under control.
One whom gives a Salad & healthy foods you know that they are constantly dieting and struggling to keep their weight down.
One whom gives a $150 Mishaloach Manos which includes a fancy wash cup, a challah board & fancy foods & Wine you know that they want something from you , usually people whom have a nice few dollars get those from machtanim or a Yeshiva etc.
Lol, Mutty.
FYI, I’m very into speaking proper English and try to use “whom” instead of “who” correctly. But your use of “whom” in your post in incorrect. While “whom” sounds very fancy, sometimes a good old “who” is correct.
From your fancy use of the word “whom” you know that you must send very fancy mishloach manos!
You only get pressed if you let yourself be! Work on yourself within to know what’s right for you and your family!
We live in a free market capitalist economy. People are entitled to do what they want on Purim! We don’t live in a communist society!!!
I really don’t understand this letter.
The person who wrote it sounds like they’re basically complaining that they’re not creative enough or have enough money to spend on impressing the whole world with their matching costumes and MM.
If that’s the problem, then just daven to Hashem to give you a creative idea and theme for MM this year, and to give you the money to purchase everything you need to impress the whole world.
I know many families that let their kids dress up as whatever they want, and I don’t think it traumatized any kid that they wanted to be a cop and instead they ended up as a farmer or something else because that’s what their family was doing. It’s like they’re wanting to go to the zoo, and their family instead went to skyzone. It’s part of life.
Also whatever you spend on MM is a mitzvah, and whatever you spend on a mitzvah you get paid back for, I asked a Rav this specifically. So I’m going to enjoy spending a lot of money on MM and making something that I know will make people smile, because I davened to Hashem for it, and won’t worry about how much I’m spending because I know Hashem is paying for it.
My kids are too old to care about ” costumes” anymore. I only give non-allergenic foods, maybe 2 or 3, so IYH, everyone can enjoy.
Why do we inflict this pressure on ourselves? Guess what? I do not subscribe to this. I am not a nerd, I actually am a creative person, but I am quite comfortable in my own skin. I do not look over my shoulder to check what others are doing. I hold my head high and give my own Shalach manos. If you want to make yourself pressure, I fargin you, but I am proud to be ME!!!
‘How I grew up’ whining is also part of the Minhag.
Seriously though, hiddur mitzvah is a wonderful thing. Stop belittling it. If you can’t do it, don’t complain about others who can.
And stop measuring yourself compared to the minority. Plenty of people in Lakewood still don’t have matching costumes.
Those who ‘grew up like you’, wish to be the hotshots in town, and then bash those who beat them at the game. That is called sour grapes. If you want to play the ‘in-town’ game, stop whining about ‘how I grew up.’