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Letter: Attention Seminary Girls and Parents
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Well written and so true.
Agreed. or at least bring a house item gift they can enjoy or at bare least a nut/candy platter
I personally think that if a family can’t afford to host, they shouldn’t! If they’re willing to host 4 or 5 girls then it’s on them if they can afford it. I do think seminary girls get a little pushy and end up bringing more friends than the host wants but that’s just plain bad middos. Also it’s the same thing with Bochurim. I do think that seminary girls do cheap out, if someone’s hosting you for a yom tov seuda bring something nicer than a 30 shekel candy platter.
I agree 100% this shouldn’t be falling on Israeli families by default. But why shouldn’t it happen anytime soon, that seminaries getting paid $30k a year per student, don’t take responsibility for this? Not all are in this category, but how is it okay that many only provide food and board for 5.5 days per week, aside from occasional in-Shabbasos? And also not for Yom Tov. It’s crazy that this is the way it is.
It’s time we open a tzedakah organization that deals specifically with this issue.
/s
Hachnosas Orchim is a beautiful Mitzvah that can be done in so many ways. Each family can be makayem that Mitzva however they are able to based on what they can do and afford.
The idea that guests should help pay for their meals makes no sense. A suggestion to perhaps send a (food) gift maybe makes a little sense but even that is not something single boys or girls should feel they need to do. If parents would like to tell their kids learning in Israel to send/bring a bottle of wine, maybe a candy platter or a cake or a gift that’s beautiful and up to the parents what and if they want to spend the money on.
Your suggestion just adds more pressure to an already volital situation. The costs in EY are out of control as is and there is no reason for the boys and girls there to now have to feel more pressure by paying for their Shabbos meals. And, neither should the young couple hosting. If the couple can afford to have guests then beautiful. If not it’s just as beautiful.
The last thing we need is young couples turning to AI to create their personal ads for hosting a meal. Can’t you just see it already? Friday night Seuda like your used to at home, join us for an American style 5 course Seuda with regular and sourdough challah, 5 dips, 3 salads, real soda and imported poland spring water all for $45 a girl. Bring 4 friends for a package deal all inclusive of only $200. Add $35 for a small oneg after the meal
The parents are paying enough, but the seminaries should have most Shabbosim mandatory to stay in!! The people who live there shouldn’t have to take on the seminaries’ responsibility of providing for the girls.
In my seminary experience ( years ago) shabbat chova was once a month. Many girls somehow wrangled out of being in the dorm by eating out but in the neighborhood. Another issue who are the girls going to when they go away. Are those homes vetted? And by whom? I’ve heard many stories that were not so okay. I think that if the seminaries want to give the girls an Israeli experience by having them eat out by different families, the seminaries should vet out the families and pay them a stipend for hosting the students. This way the girls get to be by very nice, chashuv, experience worthy families and the families can be paid for hosting.
Unfortunately, the families are put into an extremely difficult and uncomfortable situation. The seminary girls compile a list of people with their phone numbers that they were hosted by. They then call the families and tell them your name was on the list can we come for a meal. It is extremely difficult to say no to a request for a meal.this happened to my daughter in law so often she had to request to be removed from the list. Not everyone knows/ or can be assertive. And, then of course come along the guilt with having to say no.
Great business idea, I should try that
🤔
One more in our face lesson about how the system is broken. Forgive the technology reference, but we are in serious need of a reboot. While it is true that so much positive happens on both sides of the ocean, the “system” is like a series of dominoes or a deck of cards. It’s an analogous conversation to the tuition concerns and schools not meeting expenses. New approaches are needed
Why doesnt the seminary pay them
Because it cuts into their profits.
Because the parents don’t want to pay the real cost. They are used to paying $5000 for high-school and think they are paying for half the class.
The same question lies year after year and nothing seems to be done: why do the girls need to go scrambling for meals and the seminaries cannot give anything?
Why don’t seminaries simply close up shop they are not necessary for the mainstream girl. That will save the parents and the Israeli hostesses from the burden.
Someone explain to me what the girls are doing in Israel to begin with
They want to get that top tiered shidduch with a bachur from Brisk or Pragers. Only the best will suffice. In that way they can get araingiton in a Rambam by the Shabbos table, or a random Tuesday night supper. Isn’t that what a husband wants when he comes home from Kollel? A wife that is a talmeda chachama? A masmid atzum?
Seminary is useless. Another ridiculous part of this equation. Girls go to seminary at a very exorbitant costs and the seminary isn’t responsible to prepare Shabbos meals for their students? Keep your daughters home. No one can teach her better than her mother how to be a yiddishe momme and balebuste.
Hashem Yerachem. The focus is not in the right spot. Seminary is an unnecessary item in a girls life. Girls are taught to support the husbands learning in kollel. Let them start a year earlier and work to save up in order to support the husbands learning for additional time instead of spending a year in Israel!
The clear answer is not to send to seminary if they can’t/won’t make Shabbat provisions. I’m against this whole seminary business from the start if it’s costs are untenable. Educate at home & save & invest all that floose towards a wedding or a down payment on a home, perhaps?
Can som1 pls explain to me why the seminary doesn’t provide meals for these girls?? I mean u wud expect for 40k that they charge it shud include meals. Am I missing something??
since your so worried about the israeli families, why not mention her own family back home, that borrowed from just about anyone who knows their last name, in order to send her to SEM in the first place. after all 30K isnt a small number (by the time your finished paying 25k for sem , 2 round trip tickets, shopping before,during and after and more shopping after that ,erev shabbos snack and as you add help the israeli families shes eating at
why not just have the girls stay here instead of taxing struggling families to send their daughters to a year long camp
just saying…..
Nobody is forcing these families to send to seminary. Obviously all those sending are independently wealthy or middle class enough to afford the expense. Im sure that all those sending have paid full tuition to their Lakewood Elementary and High schools for 12 years so they certainly have the right to decide how to spend their hard earned money . Let people soend as they please. Its not your business
Sefer Chassidim says when poeple show up to host like that, it is Gezel Gamur Min hashamayim and teshuvah is Kasha. the Chida list this aveira at partaking from such poeple who barely have themselves as gezel.
Why was my response not approved?
Skip seminary altogether
This is a very touchy topic. Yes, food is a big expense and when you host, you generally spend more on special dishes. ?The seminaries should offer something by way of payment to the families. But expecting the girls to spend every single Shabbos and Chag in the dormitory at the school DR is unrealistic. The students need a break from school, from their constant friends. They need the opportunity have a good, festive home cooked meal. They need to spend time with family and friends who are living in Israel. That in itself is a formative experience. Perhaps they should up the silly candy platter or cheap wine bottle to something of value for the home.
Say NO. It’s so simple. Nobody is forcing you to host.
I actually really think that the hachnosas kallah organization should only assist kallahs that did not go to ey for seminary if you can afford to send your daughter to seminary then you should be saving those funds to pay for her chasuna expenses, no reason that the klal should be sponsoring. Obviously there are occasions and it’s not the every girl that do benefit from going to ey but 97% of the time there is no need. Besides the expense there is nothing like the chinuch of sitting at your own parents Shabbos table, what a pity that those that go to ey miss out on for a full year.
This whole sending girls to seminary is the stupidest idea ever. The chasidishe girls graduate school, get a job and move on in life. Whatever they learned in 12 years of school is plenty. No need to spend $40,000 on seminary overseas and going to strangers’s homes for meals that have no money to put food on their tabls.
Maybe don’t go to seminary at all. It’s a completely unnecessary waste of time and resources.
I think the problem is the way these girls come at the families with a sense of entitlement. But what can we expect from them? They’re growing up seeing married siblings who are not even 30 years old buying 3 story homes in Jackson with pools.