There is a common practice in some yeshivos today to make it a precondition of acceptance into the yeshiva that bochurim must agree not to date for a certain period of time (e.g. six months). This is known as “the freezer”. I have several concerns about this practice, first and foremost it would seem to be in contradiction to halacha.
Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer, Siman 1)
Every man is obligated to marry a woman in order to be fruitful and to multiply and anyone who
doesn’t engage in being fruitful and multiplying is as if he spills blood, And it is as though he is diminishing the [Divine] image, for it is written that in the image of God did He create him, and you shall be fertile and increase. And he causes the Divine Presence to be removed from Israel. And anyone who remains without a wife remains without goodness, without blessing, without a dwelling, without Torah, without a wall, without peace.
The Rem”a adds here:
He who does not marry is not allowed to make a blessing or to engage in Torah etc. and he is not called a man, and when he marries a woman his sins are plugged up, as it is said: “One who has found a wife has found goodness and gains favor in the eyes of God”. (Mishlei 18:22)
…It is incumbent on every man that they should marry a woman at the age of 18 and the diligent get married at 13 this mitzvah is for those who choose it, …..but If he is busy with Torah, or if it is too burdensome and he fears to marry a woman in order that he is not burdened in his livelihood and he will not fail in Torah it is permitted to delay.
A few points become apparent from this halacha.
There is a positive mitzvah to marry. This could be delayed if a man fears that the pressures to provide a livelihood would cause him to fail in his Torah study. In the yeshiva world, this is not usually a cause for delay as most bochurim are able to make it a stipulation in their shidduchim that they would like to learn for a certain period after marriage. Kollelim are abound and many girls in the yeshivish world are looking for “learners”. So why wait?
It is clear from the Shulchan Aruch that the choice to delay should come from the bochur, and not from any institutions in making this decision, certainly not to make blanket policies.
Rav Chaim Kanievsky would tell bochurim to start looking for a shidduch at age 17 quoting the posuk in Pirkei Avos (5:21) “age eighteen to the chuppah” and the Rambam Hilchos Ishus (15:2) which states that “the mitzvah to be fruitful and multiply” is incumbent on a man from the age of 17 and if he reaches 20 and has still not made attempts to fulfill this mitzvah, it is as if he transgressed this positive command.
Rav Chaim noted that if yeshivos would end the practice of “the freezer”, it would avoid the current “shidduch crisis” by making more bochurim available for marriageable age girls. He was concerned that yeshivos were insisting on “the freezer” more for their own needs than for the needs of the bochurim. (see Naftali Weinberger’s biography Rav Chaim p.86).
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Long Overdue. Thanks Rabbi Abenson.
I would hope that the leaders of these Yeshivos are familiar with everything you write and still feel the need for this policy.
As it is, I feel there is a need for a lot more hadrachah in the dating/marriage arena then is currently offered. Perhaps these yeshivas could utilize the time spent in the freezer offering help in this regard.
sounds silly its like saying offer drivers ed in elementary school when they can’t drive
the point is if you are an adult then you should be given the freedom of an adult and if someone else is trying to treat you like a child when you are past that then you should not buy in
R’ Mattisyahu said that older Single Girls is one of the two biggest challenges in our time (the second was technology. it has to be pointed out that if we revert to a time without the Freezer, it is not against our Mesorah… Freezer policies are less than 30 years old. I don’t think anyone in our generation understood the challenges of Bochurim and girls like Maran R’ Chaim did. That is why it is incumbent that we all listen to R’ Chaim!
Finally…. people are waking up that the Israeli Gedolim who begged twelve years ago for changes to the USA Shidduch system were correct. Let’s remember that a letter signed by R’ Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, R’ Aharon Leib Shteinman, R’ Shmuel Auerbach, R’ Chaim Kanievsky was not listened to. better to make the changes now albeit its lateness, than having more Karbanos. I know people will say the Freezer is insignificant. However, even though it is a small part of the problem it is the easiest fix!!!! time to listen to all the above mentioned Gedolim.
I checked the biography now. Although he writes that R’ Chaim was against the freezer as it only served the Yeshivas interest. He said if they would start Shidduchim younger it would end the Shidduch Crises…. Closing the age gap is discussed there as well as the main cause.
There were Gedolim in America and non of them insisted, or even encouraged, bachurim to get married at 18.
I think R’ Abenson point is to marry younger. Not at 18. Current average age in Lakewood is 24 (6 month delay for no reason because of the 30 year old freezer). If Bochurim get married at 22 or 23 it would save a lot of girls.
In case anyone was wondering from 18 until 24 is 6 years. the entire duration of the freezer is only 3 months not the sixth month the people keep claiming. You are allowed to date up until the start of the new semester and can restart 3 months later.
If you are quoting getting married as a source for the freezer being problematic this is a very interesting claim.
@HZ Thank you for saying this.
I am so tired of reading the “6 month freezer”, so I will write this is capital letters.
THERE IS NO 6 MONTH FREEZER
let me try that again.
THERE IS NO 6 MONTH FREEZER
If you want to fight against the freezer, be my guest, but please BE TRUTHFUL PLEASE PLEASE STOP CALLING IT A 6 MONTH FREEZER!! IT IS ALMOST HALF OF THAT!!!!!!
It is MAXIMUM 3.5 months for the longer winter zman freezer and MAXIMUM 2.5 months for the summer freezer.
I write maximum, because if someone started dating a specific person before they started the freezer, they are allowed to continue dating that person.
It’s extremely strange how they latch on to the shulchan oruch when they are 24 and insist that the poiskim say we should get married now but when they were 18 – 23 they ignored these same gedolim and their pesokim. They ignore those pesokim and create a minter for themselves and it become everyone’s problem except their own.
It’s like they are preplanning to revolt against the yeshiva system and want to create their own system.
If a Buchur has issues he either should get married before he goes to Israel or choose another yeshiva.
There is no reason for a Bochur with issues to insist to come to a yeshiva that has rules to protect the sidrei hayeshivah. The is no reason for the Yeshivah to accept a buchur with issues so that he can Sabotage the Ruach hatoirah in that particular makon Torah.
There are plenty good yeshivos out there without a freezer policy.
They go to Israel. Refuse to get married there even though it’s clear in Halacha not to wait.
They wait and walk into and create their own problems and now the Yeshivah is responsible for them before they even register there.
It’s like NYC with their migrants open policy.