In recent weeks, we have become aware of various campaigns encouraging people to accept kabbalos to strengthen the sanctity of our shuls. Some campaigns focus on refraining from talking during davening, with incentives such as being entered into a raffle for a significant prize. Others encourage people to commit to leaving their cell phones outside the shul.
These are certainly worthwhile goals. Any effort that helps a person improve his davening, show greater respect for the Beis Haknesses, and create a more meaningful tefillah experience is valuable. If even one person stops talking during davening or leaves his phone outside because of such a campaign, that is a positive outcome.
However, we must ask ourselves a deeper question: Are these kabbalos addressing the root of the problem, or are they primarily addressing the symptoms?
What will the next kabbalah be? Not to leave shul early? To come on time? Not to bring coffee into shul during davening?
The issue is not that these kabbalos are wrong. On the contrary, they can serve an important purpose. The question is whether they are the ultimate solution, or whether they are a reminder that there is a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.
Why do people talk during davening in the first place? Why do people feel the need to check their phones in shul? Why do certain behaviors that are inconsistent with the sanctity of tefillah continue to exist?
At the core of the issue is a lack of basic education about tefillah itself.
We are fortunate to have countless sefarim and shiurim that explain the meaning, purpose, and power of tefillah. The resources are readily available; what is needed is for us to make learning about tefillah a priority. Otherwise, a person can spend an entire lifetime davening the same way without ever developing a deeper appreciation for what tefillah truly is.
There is more Torah learning today than perhaps at any other time in history. Daf Yomi, shiurim, chavrusos, and countless sefarim. Yet we must ask ourselves: Has all of this translated into a greater understanding and appreciation of tefillah? In many places, it appears that there is room for growth.
Many of us have been davening the same way for years without taking the time to truly understand what tefillah is, Whom we are standing before, why we pray three times a day, and how tefillah is meant to shape us as people. Many likely have sincere questions about tefillah that were never fully answered. That is not a reason for criticism—it is a reason for education.
When a person truly appreciates that he is standing before the Ribbono Shel Olam, respectful behavior during davening becomes the natural result of that understanding. The goal is not merely to stop talking or to remove a phone from the pocket; the goal is to develop a deeper connection to tefillah itself.
A kabbalah can be an important first step. Sometimes a person needs a concrete commitment to begin changing a habit. But a kabbalah should be viewed as a tool, not as the destination.
The real goal is to develop a meaningful relationship with tefillah—to understand its purpose, appreciate its power, and recognize the privilege of speaking directly to Hashem every single day. That type of change is lasting because it comes from within, rather than only from an external commitment.
The same lesson applies to our relationship with technology. Instead of only making a kabbalah not to bring a phone into shul, we should also examine our relationship with our phones throughout the day. Are we allowing ourselves to disconnect for a few hours when we come home and give our full attention to our spouses, children, and families? Learning to step away from constant distractions can help us become more present—not only at home, but also in shul.
Real change comes from changing the person, not merely changing a single behavior.
If we do not address the underlying issues, we will continue creating short-term kabbalos to solve long-term challenges. One campaign will end, another will begin, and the cycle will continue.
Imagine if every shul dedicated time to teaching the fundamentals of tefillah—not only the halachos, but also the meaning, purpose, and transformative power of prayer. Imagine if people left inspired rather than merely committed. That type of education could naturally elevate the atmosphere of our shuls in a way that lasts far beyond any raffle or pledge.
Kabbalos have their place. They can inspire. They can motivate. They can help people take an important first step.
But they are not the destination.
The destination is creating Jews who understand tefillah, cherish tefillah, and therefore naturally conduct themselves with the respect and reverence that the Beis Haknesses deserves.
This is the conversation we should be having.
Otherwise, one has to wonder: what will the next kabbalah be?
Worry about yourself. This article is pointless.
I hear the point as someone who does talk a lot and recently has been mekabel not to this makes a huge difference as now you need to focus on Davening.
Side point not sure why you need to knock a beautiful Kabbalah on such a public platform
I hear your point but the Kabbalos seem to really work at the end of the day and now people are treating prayers with more respect. But in my opinion the next kabbala that should be advertised is the ‘stop the over eating Kabbalah’. How many people are coming in to shul buttons popping, burping, and their breathing sounds like my noise machine running. They all have sweet chilli sauce dripping down their busting undersized white shirt. This is a real embarrassment these guys need to be reprimanded. I actually kicked a guy out of my shul last week because of this. I had to teach him that your a tzelem elokim and you can’t show up in public like this until you have a life style change. That’s how I decided to teach him. We can name it the ‘ozempic campaign’ if you’d like. I don’t care what you call it but if anyone comes into shul this shabbos with this behavior I will throw him out on the spot. There’s no room for them in our shul their simply a disgrace and too big for the chairs they will also break them
Refuah sheleimah!
Kabbalah believer. I haven’t had such a hearty laugh in a while!! Awesome response.
Why do you think this is a joke?? Grow up
This isn’t a joke. I did the same in my shul. I have blacklisted a number of people who all plus size. They come to shul breathing in everyone’s face and burping as well and then by the kiddush they just devour everything and don’t leave anything for the rest of our mispalellim. They are drinking the herring from the container and spitting herring oil at you when they talk. These guys were banned from our kiddush and need the stop over eating Kabbalah asap.
“The real goal is to develop a meaningful relationship with tefilla”- correction, its to develop a meaningful relationship with Hashem.
“The destination is creating jews who”…have a relationship with Hashem. See Him as real, as Who to speak to, as Who to turn to in gratitude as well as in need.
Firstly, is there any shortage of short burst of inspiration videos, or seforim in english and hebrew on tefillah that people can’t access?
Second, given that the fact that the tosafos yom tov said that the reason for gezairos tach ve’tat (the equivalent of the holocaust of at that time) was because people were talking during tefillah, I think that a campaign to stop talking during tefillah is very worthwhile. It is protection against middas hadin and that is something that is urgently needed right now.
And the point of all mitzvos is to create a meaningful relationship with Hashem.
This is completely unnecessary. First of all,who are you to judge how people improve, and second, the “prize” you are talking about is for your SHUL. Maybe work on yourself and not judging others.
The writer brings up a very important point. The Nodah Beyuda in his time wrote that most Jews view Tefilah as a chore to get through each day. People talk in Shul because feel bored & uninspired from the same monotony of Tefilos said day after day.
They also have little opportunity to socialize with others the rest of the day. There’s no easy fix for this.
I’d like to see a follow up letter with a solution to this.
point well taken. I suggested years ago the Rav give a shiur on tefilla, not halacha but hashkafa. that davening be slowed down so we could say every word comfortably. Since it was not on the rich people’s agenda, i was told just work on your davening I asked how should I do that if you wont give me the tools? no response pleas let this post go through
Concerned parent. Please keep your comments to yourself.
In our shul we are learning one mishna a day in the morning after davening. Currently, we are doing tamid. So many lessons on tefilla are there. Kohanim rushing to do the avoda, importance of caring for others, things that Hashem expects from all of us. All the workings of the Bais HMikdosh as apply to our own mikdash מעט
How about teaching the Halachos of Beis Hakenesses and the proper way act in a shul? Many people seem to think that if the tefillah hasn’t started yet (meaning Baruch Sheamar or Hodu) then you can schmooze, drink coffee, etc (even during brachos and karbanos).
You don’t know what your talking about