An Open Letter to Parents Regarding Bain Hazmanim | Rav Simcha Klein, Ahavas Olam

Bain hazmanim is a time for a well-deserved rest for our bochurim, providing them with an opportunity to rejuvenate their kochos in preparation for the next zman.

Over the past few years, it has become increasingly clear that there is an issue facing our bochurim during the unstructured period of bain hazmanim at home. This issue revolves around exposure to inappropriate material through devices with Internet connections.

Unfortunately, there are a large number of bochurim, including metzuyanim from the best yeshivos, who get caught up with this inadvertently.

Regrettably, many parents hold the mistaken belief that their sons couldn’t possibly be struggling with this issue, either because they are exemplary bochurim, or because they assume their sons would approach them if they were having such issues. Experience has shown that this is simply not true. Every single bochur, no matter how high his level of hasmadah and yiras shamayim, can fall into this dangerous path. Many bochurim say that they would never approach their parents about it, either because they are embarrassed or because they feel that their parents wouldn’t understand.

It is therefore imperative for parents to be vigilant and ensure that their children have no access to unfiltered or improperly filtered devices, especially during Bain Hazmanim, when they have a lot of time on their hands, and they are not in their regular structure.

We owe it to them to keep them safe and to do whatever we can to make sure that they stay Kadosh and pure.

The following is a partial list of some common areas in which bochurim can stumble:

1) Parents’ phones, tablets, family computers, gaming devices, MP3, MP4 players and old devices not in use, all of which may lack proper filtering, including those protected by passwords. It is very hard for parents to keep children from figuring out their passwords, (especially mothers’ cell phones).

2) All cell phones, including “flip phones” should be properly blocked.

3) When traveling, whether to grandparents’ homes, relatives, friends, hotels, vacation spots, etc., the level of Internet accessibility can differ significantly from what is available at home. Many bochurim have encountered serious challenges due to this oversight.

4) Cleaning help, aides, nurses etc. come into our homes with completely unfiltered devices, and many times our children have access to them.

One can contact the TAG office for ideas and help with securing all devices.

In the z’chus of our heightened awareness and protection of our children’s Kedusha, may we all have a chag kosher v’sameach.

With care and concern for the spiritual well-being of our precious bachurim,

Rav Simcha Klein

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5 COMMENTS

  1. many road trips are also inappropriate because of what the world has become, and many “cleaning” ladies are actually carriers of shmutz, so the best place to be is in the Bais Medrash, and today smart and true Jews have organized shiurim and food in the Batei Medrash for learners and listeners.

    when you see a bochur in shul over yom tov instead of reminding him that you paid for 3-4 seats and so he should move over [to stand in the aisle], you should make him feel good about himself and his learning, and remember that he is what you really wished you were.

  2. While everything in this article is true – your only playing defense and not getting to the root and what can be fixed.
    There is a great book out there “From boys to men” has all the haskomos and backing from our gedolim.
    We need to create the conversations – no child or teen will be open with their parents if the parents don’t create that safe space.
    Filters – of course. AND create conversations about this entire subject so we don’t just push it under the rug.

  3. Bochurim? Bein hazmanim?

    Ask menahalim how many middle schoolers are exposed to the most vile content the web freely has to offer.

    Parents, open your eyes wide!

    Nuff said

Comments are closed.