Accept them with Love – Part 3 | Rabbi Dovid Abenson

My rebbe, R’ Matisyahu Salomon shlita told me 10 years ago that it is hard for newcomers who want to move to Lakewood to get their children accepted in school. From my experience, (and desperate phone calls from mothers), many families who are also living in Lakewood are struggling to get their children into a Mosad. A Lakewood family whom I know personally, and whose children were born and raised in Lakewood schools moved to an out-of-town community but came back after a year or so. When they re-applied to the same Mosad in Lakewood, they were ” rejected” (unfortunately the family did not contact me for help). They were in panic mode as you can imagine. They were blessed with a large family of good and happy children and the father was a very hard worker. No one could help them. They decided to pick up their bags and moved to Eretz Yisrael where they settled all their children into schools BH. I am happy they moved to Eretz Yisrael and we all are meant to be there one day, b’ezras Hashem, but not forced to go because of “rejection”.

There is also another type of “rejection” that is, when a student gets“expelled” from his Mosad, especially during his final year. These students will never step foot back into those Mosdos again. I know countless cases like that. These “rejected” or “expelled” students will ultimately resent Torah and Jewish leaders and their rabbiem.

How can a Menahel who has either rejected/expelled a student daven to Hashem in the morning and say וְהַעֲרֶב נָא הֹ אֱלֹקינוּ אֶת־דִּבְרֵי תוֹרָתְךָ בְּפִֽינוּ וּבְפִי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל Hashem, please make the words of Your Torah pleasant in our mouths and in the mouths of Your people Israel?

When he himself, “rejects” a new student or “expelled one”? Or how will a student who was rejected say וְהַעֲרֶב נָא הֹ אֱלֹקינוּ, since he has tremendous resentment and has no rebbe to teach and show him the pleasantness of Torah? And how will the student be able to daven in the morning and say דְּרָכֶֽיהָ דַּרְכֵי נֹֽעַם וְכָל נְתִיבוֹתֶֽיהָ שָׁלוֹם Its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are peace when he was rejected?

This trend of “rejection” of students is not only from the heads of Mosdos itself, but unfortunately, it can happen with the parent body of the Mosdos being strong and having influence.

Let me explain.

There was a famous video of HaRav HaGaon Rabbi Aharon Yehuda Leib Steinman זצ״ל on 14/05/07. HaRav Shalom Ber Sorotzkin shlita came to the Rosh Yeshiva’s זצ״ל house for advice with regards to a young widow and mother of young children, who had remarried a man whose children had already studied in the local Cheder, and they wanted the mother’s children to get accepted there as well.

This request was met with resistance from the parents in the school. They demanded that the orphans be “rejected”. They were concerned that it was not their “type”. HaRav Shteinman answered that this is only because of, and I quote גאווה, גאווה,100%גאווה That same evening R’ Sorotzkin went back to Beit Shemesh, and the children were accepted, according to the encouragement of R’ Shteinmanזצ״ל

R’ Shteinman’s זצ״ל approached worked. Unfortunately, he is not with us anymore to help, and if we look around the Jewish world today, there seems to be no hope to solve this terrible crisis.

But there is hope.

To my dear readers, if you know anyone who is struggling to get their child accepted into a Mosad in England, Europe, Israel, or North America, there is hope, following the strategies I recommended to a family that had contacted me recently, wanting to move to Lakewood. Within two weeks their 5-year-old son got accepted.

Below is the link to the correspondence I had with the parent of the 5- year- old child.

The bottom line is that Mosdos must stop “rejecting /expelling students” once and for all.


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Rabbi Abenson is the founder and director of ShaarHatalmud, a unique yeshivah-based online program, which incorporates learning all Kodesh subjects, from Kriah up to learning Gemara, Rishonim, and Shulchan Aruch. He also conducts evaluations, remediation, and training, and consults with school principals to improve students’ underdeveloped skills.

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  1. yasher koach for being an ish. In a makom she’ein ish. Where for sure there are those that want to do something about this avla gedola, but don’t.

    The situation as it stands, and what you describe in this post is actually a busha and a cherpa, and BH for Rav Aharon Leib zatzal, for Gedolim who are above the politics, to call it by its real name: Gaava. May we always have the prope Einei Ha’eidah to lead us with emes.

    I heard a story where a family moved to Lakewood had no schools for their children. Then the mother was suddenly nifter and at the levaya someone promised to get the kids into school. The person who told me this story said BH at least the kids have a school now. Seriously? the mother has to be nifter for her kids to get into school. This situation must be changed pronto. It is outrageous.

    My humble eitzah is that we need to keep opening more and more schools so that there is less tacharus which is at the root of the issue. See R Dessler in Michtav Me’Eliyahu on how tacharus drives taking and selfishness. When there’s enough for everyone, hopefully it will solve a lot of problems in the bigger communities.

    May you continue to have siyata dishmaya in your avodas hakodesh.

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