Why Some Frum Singles Are Choosing Not To Get Married

[COMMUNICATED]  “When I was 13 years old, my mother passed away from cancer. We thought we would never heal from the pain. Then at 17, my father passed away too. I went to live in a dormitory for orphans, and learned to get by on my own. It was a rough place. Now I am Baruch Hashem a kallah! But I am feeling the loss of my parents more than ever. On my own I don’t know where to start. My chassan is an orphan too.

We were accepted for this month’s Vaad HaRabbanim orphan wedding fund. We are praying that people will donate so that we can have what we need to get started. Thank you so much to anyone who can help – I will pray for you under my chuppah! My parents may be gone from this world but to me you are like family.”  – Chava

This is a true and heartbreaking story from a young kallah who is getting married this month. A group of brides & grooms who are suffering in poverty after losing their parents have been approved for this month’s orphan wedding fund. Their stories were brought to Rav Yaakov Hillel, who was so moved by their plight, he wrote the following powerful letter (read original Hebrew letter here):

“Rosh Chodesh Shevat 5781

They are getting married after living the hard and bitter lives of orphans, and it is a great mitzvah to help these orphans build a true Torah home. Bli neder, I will pray for all those who donate the sum of 290 ILS ($88) towards the necessities of getting married.

The Father of all orphans will repay you, you should be saved from all illness and hardship, you should have abundant parnassah and all your requests should be fulfilled for the good. You should merit to raise all your children with health and nachas, and bring them to their chuppah and good deeds, amen.

Yaakov Hillel”

The words of Rav Hillel & Chava the kallah hit home: Right now, these young boys & girls do not have their parents. But to them, donors can be like family. Donations go toward making a modest wedding, food for sheva brachos, and basic furnishing for apartments. There are 29 couples in need, and time is running out.

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  1. I believe you that yesomim need help to have money to get married. And I agree with you that this is a worthy cause.

    But why, why, why, the sensational title to get people to click on this legitimate and important call to do a mitzva?

    No where in this article does it even mention that this young couple had such thoughts of not wanting to get married, chas v’shalom!

    I even understand if the apprehension to get married is there, because they are worried that they won’t have enough money to support a family!

    But still, it is “insulting to my dignity” to be led by the nose to give tzeddaka to someone who asks in such a rama’usdike way. Eeew.

    Tzedaka is a mitzva. Period. So is having rachmanus.

    @TLS can you at least post that a rav said that making a story sensational (or just the title!) is a good way to get people to give tzedaka? It feels so wrong.

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