I’ll never forget the look on my father-in-law’s face after he took a sip.

I had just invented what I called the One Time Refresher — my own energizing drink to replace that sugar rush from Coca-Cola. I put in all the healthy stuff: caffeine-free tea, ginger, turmeric, lemon, a little cinnamon, some honey (and a few top-secret ingredients :). Usually, the honey balances the bitterness, and when it’s cold, it’s actually refreshing — delivering consistent energy.

But that day, I must’ve gotten the honey measurements wrong.

My father-in-law took one sip, and his face twisted like he’d just tasted moldy bread. He quickly tried to straighten out his expression and said, “Hmm… different.”

That feeling — when you expect something sweet but get something bitter — that’s exactly what it feels like after an argument.

When you’re in the heat of it, letting all those emotions out — it feels good. You’re fired up, adrenaline pumping, alive, alert, ready to win. But just like that drink, what follows is bitter.

The Science Behind the Feeling

When you argue, your body releases stress hormones — adrenaline and cortisol — the same chemicals it uses when you’re in danger. Your heart rate jumps, your muscles tighten, and your mind locks in on the “enemy.” It feels powerful in the moment.

But after the argument, the cortisol lingers. It can stay in your system for hours or even days. While my father-in-law felt fine a few seconds after his taste buds were ambushed, the bitterness after an argument sticks around much longer.

So why don’t I argue with my wife?

It’s the same reason I don’t argue with the hotel manager to get a refund when there’s a problem with my room, or snap back when someone who’s ignored my messages suddenly texts asking for a favor.

Because I don’t want that feeling.
I don’t want those chemicals.

Just like I don’t want the sugar crash from chocolate cake coursing through my veins, I don’t want the cortisol of a heated argument running through my system.

The Real Pursuit: Feeling Good

I’ve realized that all of us want the same thing — to feel good.
Some chase it through sugar, others through honor, money, or control.
But the greatest people are those who learn to pursue high-quality pleasure — the kind that lasts, the kind that uplifts.

Yes, I’m not perfect, and sometimes I do get upset. But I try to break out of it quickly.
A quick comeback in an argument might feel good for five minutes — but why rob myself of a great day?

How to Implement It

Here’s what helps me:

1. Picture the taste.
   Before I respond sharply, I picture that look on my father-in-law’s face — that shock from tasting something bitter. That’s what an argument will make me feel when it’s over. It’s enough to make me pause.
2. Value the long-term “sweet.”
   I remind myself that the energy from patience, kindness, or silence lasts far longer than the temporary “win” from arguing.
3. Breathe and reset.
   When tension rises, I take one deep breath — literally. That single breath can reset your nervous system before the chemicals hijack your brain.

In short, I’ve learned that when you have two options — to engage in a heated emotional debate or to step back and stay quiet a little longer — choosing the latter isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom.

Although speed is usually a good thing, in this case, a little patience goes a long way.

And just like choosing healthy food gives your body steady energy, choosing peace gives your soul steady joy.

So next time you’re tempted to argue, remember:
that moment might feel sweet —
but it’s probably just bitterness with better marketing.

Rabbi Eli Scheller is a dynamic speaker, storyteller, and founder of One Time One Time, a creative platform inspiring personal growth through stories, videos, and live events. His content has reached audiences worldwide through schools, shuls, and platforms like TorahAnytime and The Lakewood Scoop. Learn more at onetimeonetime.com.