VIDEO: Here’s Why Some People Need Baggy Shorts

Surveillance video shows a man walking into a liquor store in Lakewood today, and stuffing a bottle of alcohol into his shorts before walking out.

Police are investigating.

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7 COMMENTS

  1. If we catch this guy, maybe we can advise him to move to California.
    California is the only state where it is 100 % okay to fill up your shorts with bottles of vodka up to $800.
    Once you steal more than $800, you better watch out because you can technically be arrested.

    • I do. An addict is at fault for becoming an addict.
      I do blame him. I do feel sorrowful for his state and plight to. But one certainly should blame him.

      (btw, in the steps recovery program, they teach an addict to acknowledge and admit that it’s their fault and their fault alone that they ended up where they are. And it’s the truth too.)

  2. Hmm. Small minded shikkur. Had he been wearing baggy longs, he could have taken so many more bottles (who’s losing his pants here?)

  3. Up to $950 I think in California. ALSO VOTE REPUBLICAN PLEASE. Stop voting in trash. Republican straight down the line. Your choices have consequences. TRUMP 2024.

  4. Lakewood Mayor Issues Executive Order Banning The Wearing Of Baggy Pants
    After a man was caught on a surveillance video walking into a Lakewood Township liquor store on Wednesday, stuffing a bottle of alcohol into his shorts, Lakewood Mayor, Ray Coles, promptly issued an executive order later in the day banning the wearing of baggy pants inside Lakewood township.
    “The alleged thief was wearing baggy shorts when he stuffed that bottle of alcohol down his shorts,” the Mayor told reporters on Wednesday, “which allowed him to pull off the heist.”
    “Due the strong likelihood that copycat thieves will study the aforementioned robber’s technique, and choose to wear baggy shorts, instead of tight-fitting shorts, in an effort to conceal their crimes,” the Mayor said, “I am issuing an executive order, effective immediately, banning the wearing of baggy pants in Lakewood Township.”
    “According to a recent study conducted by researchers at the prestigious Johnnie Walker whiskey distillery,” the Mayor went on to say, “95% of alcoholic beverage robberies, in the past 12 months, were perpetrated by thieves who were wearing baggy, loose-fitting pants at the time of the robberies. Hence, it is high time that we all start wearing non-pleated, extra slim-fitting trousers! This will greatly reduce the current scourge of alcoholic beverage robberies.”
    An additional proposal to ban the wearing of pocketed pants – a prime hiding place for stolen booze – was shot down by the Mayor after he received dozens of complaints from charity givers and shadchanim who argued that often the largest charitable contributions are given straight from the pants pockets to the hands of the charity solicitors, and that many successful shidduchim are often initiated on the spur of moment, with a name inscribed on a piece of paper that is spontaneously pulled out of a shadchan’s pants pocket.”
    “Charity is important,” the Mayor noted in his rejection of the ‘pocketed pants’ ban proposal, “and, let’s face it, we’ve already got one shidduch crisis, why create a new ‘pocketless pants’ shidduch crisis?”
    The response to the ‘baggy-pants ban’ among township residents has been muted thus far, except for one Lakewood yungerman who was heard moments ago muttering to himself in anguish: “I can’t believe it! So now we’re gonna follow the latest fashion trend and wear extra slim pants?! Oy, we’re only a few days away from Yom Kippur!”

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