VIDEO: Gemara vs. Steak and Donuts

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  1. FBI Conducts Stakeout of Steak-Eating Premises
    FBI agents conducted a stakeout of a local shul on Thursday after participants of the ‘Vhaarev Na’ program were seen, inside the shul, suspiciously eating an abnormal and excessive amount of steaks within the confines of the shul.
    “When the FBI receives reports of bachurim being served 5 pieces of steak at a time, a stakeout is definitely warranted,” said FBI stakeout chief, Bill Fleishman, who also works part time as the head chef in a local steakhouse, and who is completely fluent with the inner workings of steaks, steak sandwiches and FBI stakeouts.
    “During the stakeout,” Mr. Fleishman told reporters on Thursday, “FBI stakeout agents witnessed Suspect A’ devouring juicy slabs of steaks, one after another, while simultaneously rating the steaks on a scale of 1-10 to a Rabbi who was taking mental note of Suspect A’s steak ratings.”
    “The FBI agents, who were at the scene, said they had never witnessed anything so strange in all the years they’ve worked in the agency,” Mr. Fleishman said.
    “Additionally,” Mr. Fleishman said, “Suspect A’s ratings of the steaks kept getting lower and lower as he continued to consume more of the steaks. Eventually suspect A’ insisted he had enough of the steaks. That’s when we entered the shul, seized the suspicious slabs of steaks, and arrested both Suspect A’ and the Rabbi on suspicion of engaging in ‘abnormal, excessive steak consumption’ and ‘incredibly strange behavior’.”
    “Thousands of doughnuts were also seized from the shul when FBI agents witnessed Suspect B’ and the Rabbi going through the exact same routine with the doughnuts,” Mr. Fleishman said.
    “A forensic investigation of the steaks and the doughnuts showed that no addictive or suspicious ingredients were added to the steaks or the doughnuts,” the FBI stakeout chief and former steakhouse chef said.
    “In a strange twist of events, however,” Mr. Fleishman noted that, “the ratings of the study sessions these bachurim were engaged in seemed to increase the longer the study sessions continued! I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years of stakeouts and steakhouse cooking!”
    Meanwhile, FBI officials released a statement moments ago, stating that, “The steak and doughnut guzzlers have just been released from custody, however, the two are banned from eating any more steaks and doughnuts until further notice.”

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