A funeral was held in Lakewood today for Raymond Coles Sr., the father of Lakewood’s Mayor Ray Coles.

Mayor Coles shared the following post on his Facebook page about his dad, who died at the age of 90:

My father, Raymond John Coles passed last Sunday, one day after his 90th birthday.

He was born in 1935 to Raymond & Mary Coles. He has one sibling, his sister Peggy. They lived in a walkup apartment in the Bronx.

He and my mom Noreen were married in 1956. They moved into her parent’s 3 family home on 55th St. in Brooklyn. Dad told me, not too long ago, that he had a rocky family life in the Bronx. He said that my grandparents, Marie & Oscar “Pete” Peterson, saved him and taught him how to have a positive family life.

That wasn’t all! Pop also taught him basic & finish carpentry. That skill served him well his entire life, but especially when starting a family on a New York City Policeman’s then meager salary. He joined the NYPD in 1957, a year before I was born. I remember “helping” him as he finished other people’s basements.

In 1964, mom’s parents paid the down payment on 4 houses in Staten Island. One for themselves and 3 for their daughters, Joan, Gail & my mom Noreen. The homes were the then unaffordable price of 14,000.00! Dad said he had trouble making the 100.00 monthly mortgage payments on his patrolmen’s salary. He lived in that house the rest of his life.

Dad dedicated himself to his family & the NYPD, in that order! He used to take me to the Brooklyn Train yard to watch the trains as he studied for the sergeant’s exam. And probably to give my mother a break from me! Anyone who knows me can properly deduce that is where my love of all things trains began.

He never told us stories about what his job was like or what happened during a normal shift. He left that all in the precinct. Home was for his family.

By 1964, the twins Kathleen & Noreen joined Susan and me along with our dog Duke. Our family was complete. Dad said our three bedroom house wasn’t big enough for a family of 6, so he finished the basement by himself and built a bedroom for me in it. We were a typical suburban family. We never had much money, but there was always enough for us. When my baby furniture needed to be repurposed for the twins, dad built me a complete bedroom set. It went with me to my first 2 apartments and was then given to my cousin. The wall shelves made it to Lakewood with me! The man knew how to build things to last!

His career with the NYPD took off. Patrolman to Sergeant. Lieutenant to Captain. He knew he would need a college degree to advance further. He went to John Jay & Saint Johns at night. He graduated alongside the twins with a perfect 4.0 GPA. Deputy Inspector soon followed, and then Inspector. About 2 weeks from a promotion to Deputy Chief, he had a heart attack on the job. They saved his life, but his NYPD career was over.

That was the only time I was ever worried about him. Not the heart issue, but how he would adapt to civilian life. My fears were baseless. He embraced his second chance with a vigor we could only have hoped for.

A large part of that was due to his family. In all that time, we had grown & moved out. Susan & I had started our own families. The twins were acclaimed video editors in NYC. More than anything, it was the grandchildren. He became Papa. I have not called him Dad since our niece Debbie was born in 1985. Next came Danny, then our daughter Caitlin. After that, we took turns, Susan with Chrissy & Luke and Jan and me with Ray & Kelly.

We moved to Lakewood in 1988, a few months after his heart attack. 6 months or so later, when he saw our home for the first time, he announced our kitchen was too old and proceeded to build an entire kitchen for us, from scratch. No store-bought cabinets! We had the kitchen until last year. When he came for Christmas Eve, he told me the kitchen was starting to show its age and that I should replace it. He added the caveat that he would not be able to build us a new one. Having his blessing to let it go was what gave me the ability to do so. Jan loves her new kitchen almost as much as the old one!

He pulled me aside one day in 1990 or 91. He looked very serious, and I was concerned. He asked me if he could come & help out at my new company a few days a week. He told me that he loved my mother far too much to stay home with her 7 days a week! That began a 30 plus year run. He would not accept any money from us. It was a stretch to get him to take a credit card to pay for his gas and an EZ pass to pay the tolls back & forth to Staten Island. In true papa form, we taught him something he had never done in his life, and within a month he was showing us how to do it better and making fixtures to speed things along.

In the mid 90’s, Jan started watching Susan’s 4 kids during the summer. Papa told me numerous times, that the memories of the trips back and forth from Staten Island with the kids were some of the happiest of his life.

When mom’s dementia came on a few years ago, he made the decision to stay home with her 7 days a week, because of how much he loved her. Her decline and passing were the darkest days our family has ever known.

Thankfully, great-grandchildren started to make appearances. Debbie and John had Gwen. Chrissy and Ricky had Finn & Rory. Luke & his wife Emmy had Violet, Gia and Serena Jaymes.

Our Kelly and Chris had Wesley Ray & Hailey Noreen. Our son Ray & his wife Alyssa had Raymond Shane. It was a highlight of my life that I got to introduce papa to his namesake, Raymond Shane Coles, the 5th generation of Raymond Coles’ to bless this planet!

The past few years were marked with love and sadness. It was hard watching as he declined physically. Thankfully, his mental facilities were as sharp as ever. He spent more time making wooden ships (from planks of wood and dowels, not pre-formed kits). I’m very apprehensive about carrying out the promise I made to him that I would finish the ship we got him for Christmas last year if he were unable to complete it. He got about 80% of it. I intend to keep that promise.

The past couple months were the hardest. We could tell the end was approaching. Health issues multiplied, and he started losing the joy that marked his life for so long. His main wish was to spend his last days at home. That wish was granted in large part due to my sister Susan, who became mom and dad’s main caregiver when mom got sick and continued helping dad. She put her own life on hold for over 4 years, and we will all be eternally grateful to her.

We had a celebration planned for his 90th birthday on Saturday. He felt ill that morning and asked Susan to cancel the party. Later that day, he passed out and was hospitalized. Things seemed to be under control. Kathy and Noreen spent the afternoon with him, and we hoped he would be home in a few days. It was shock when Susan called to tell me he had gone into cardiac arrest. Jan and I raced to the hospital, but he was gone by the time we arrived. In true papa fashion, though, we were soon laughing through our tears as Sue told us that a beautiful tall blond nurse held his hand and that he squeezed her hand just before the end.

I can’t count the times this week that I thought of something he would enjoy and started to text him. My sadness is tempered by the joy he installed in my life. Memories of trips to Yankee Stadium in the 60’s & getting to see Mickey Mantle hit a home run, countless trips to train shows, the Friday night pizza ritual and the taste for a good single malt scotch.

I look forward to taking my own grandchildren to those same train shows and continuing the Friday Night Pizza parties. And, I hope I’m still around to see them develop a taste for good scotch.

I’m grateful for the man he was and for helping me become the man I am.

Thank you, Dad. I love you.