Today, President’s Day – officially known as “Washington’s Birthday” – is a federal holiday.
Most federal employees have the day off.
Locally, Municipal offices are closed. Most public schools, universities and banks are also closed.
There is also no trash and recycling Monday. Monday’s trash will be picked up Tuesday, and Tuesday’s will be picked up on Wednesday.
There will be no U.S. Postal Service.
Is the Police Dept on 3rd Street open or closed?
When informed that most municipal offices, public schools, universities, banks, sanitation offices and recycling offices would be closed today in honor of him, a stunned George Washington told reporters: “That’s crazy! A lockdown?! What am I?! A pandemic?!”
“I’m sorry,” he said, “but no lockdowns on MY birthday! Period! Tell the American people to open up for business immediately, or I’ll have their citizenships revoked first thing in the morning.”
The late President added: “I didn’t pull off that whole breakoff thing from Britain, lead my men through battle and become US President, only to be treated like a pandemic and have my fellow countrymen declare lockdowns on my birthday, take vacations and enjoy siestas all day long!”
“My fellow citizens, this is the USA! We never close down! Open up your doors this minute, or I’ll call in the National Guard!”
However, after being presented with a beautiful birthday cake and a glorious reenactment of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the apparently-pacified late President declared: “You know what? This whole thing is just awesome! Tell the American people that they can take the entire week off, place themselves under lockdown and relax to their hearts’ content. G-D bless America! Wow, that birthday cake was delicious! Was that Gelbstein’s cake, by any chance?”