The Kishke Method: A Tried And Tested Recipe To Get To The Root Of Your Child’s Behaviour, In A Few Easy Steps

Aah. A kishke recipe from der alter heim. A bissel pepper and a pinch of salt. Lovingly passed down through the generations. Admittedly, there were changes along the way. Most notably, fixed measurements were included, and shmaltz was swapped for a non-artery clogging alternative. But the taste, the love, and the results remain the same.

To schedule an initial free call with Miriam (Manela) Frankel, OTR CTC, the director of The Thrive Group, visit www.thethrivegroup.co or call/ text 973-602-7744.

To schedule an initial free call with Miriam (Manela) Frankel, OTR CTC, the director of The Thrive Group, visit www.thethrivegroup.co or call/ text 973-602-7744.

My grandmother’s recipe has a bit of a twist. It began when she, together with my grandfather, started HASC, the first school and camp in America to help children with special needs. Their ideals, vision, and commitment were passed down to me, instilling my desire to help children with behavioral needs.  

One of the approaches I have developed in my quest to help children and their families is the Thrive Kishke Method. Navigating life and the emotions that come with it can be difficult. As we embrace and understand how our children react to the world, we can support them through it. As children and even as adults, we often encounter difficult, overwhelming, or unfair moments. Many children, particularly those with ADHD, may struggle with rigidity and the ability to see and understand another person’s point of view.

To schedule an initial free call with Miriam (Manela) Frankel, OTR CTC, the director of The Thrive Group, visit www.thethrivegroup.co or call/ text 973-602-7744.

The Thrive Kishke Method, as its name suggests, is about getting into the kishkes, the depths of what your child is thinking or feeling. Parents usually do this naturally, as they talk and connect to their baby’s needs, and the baby intuits that their parents understand their needs and feelings. (Why is the baby crying? Hungry, tired, or diaper change?). The Thrive Kishke Method is a means to harness this natural ability into a powerful parenting technique that helps your child regulate their behavior and allows you to achieve flexibility and perspective. One caveat: just as a piping hot kishke might not be the best meal during a 100-degree plus heat wave, so too, this method is not recommended in public or when your child is out of control.

To schedule an initial free call with Miriam (Manela) Frankel, OTR CTC, the director of The Thrive Group, visit www.thethrivegroup.co or call/ text 973-602-7744.

The Thrive Kishke Method is a multi-pronged, systematic, and detailed approach. Here is a taste of how it works. Let’s picture the scenario. It’s Shabbos afternoon, and you are longing for a nap. You hand out Peklech of nosh for a Shabbos party, and as you walk upstairs, you hear what starts as a wail and crescendos into a screech, “It’s not fair, Dovi got two more sweets than I did!”

The Kishke Method breaks down your response into three parts:

1.   Recognize how your child is feeling and connect feelings to actions

This requires you to feel and imagine what your child is thinking and feeling and connect to it, even if you do not agree with it or it does not make sense to you. It involves being open, curious, and non-judgemental. You think about what your child may be feeling in that particular circumstance. You then verbalize it out loud in a non-judgemental way and curious tone. Finally, you ask if you are correct. The point is to connect your child’s thoughts and feelings to what the child is saying and doing. In this case: “Dovi got more sweets than you did, and that’s not fair, so you are yelling to let me know. Did I get that right?” If it is an older child, you may ask them to verbalize it. “I wonder why you shrugged your shoulders when I asked you to help. What was happening that made you react like that?”

  1. Help your child to understand other perspectives and the consequences of their actions.

This part involves making your child aware of how their actions affect those around them. Tell it to them succinctly, as a fact, and without emotion (your voice should be monotone). “When you yell at the top of your voice, Yanki wakes up from his nap and starts crying.” It can also be a reality check. “It’s hard to measure out sweets, and sometimes one person gets more, sometimes another person gets more.”

  1. Problem-solving

Seek solutions for the future. You can give your child at least four options and explain the consequences of each one for them and those around them. Alternatively, they can come up with the options themself, or it can be a collaborative effort. Involve your child so they have a locus of control as they learn to choose between negative and positive choices and outcomes and problem-solve.

To schedule an initial free call with Miriam (Manela) Frankel, OTR CTC, the director of The Thrive Group, visit www.thethrivegroup.co or call/ text 973-602-7744.

The important thing to remember is that what you see at the surface is not necessarily what is happening inside your child’s kishkes. Taking the time to connect to your child’s feelings, together with giving them an awareness of the consequences of their actions and others’ feelings and helping problem-solve, enables your child’s heart and mind to open up to understanding others—and a more restful Shabbos Shluff for you in the future.  

At The Thrive Group, located in Lakewood, Passaic, and Brooklyn, we work with you to develop a personalized therapeutic plan for your child based on their unique challenges, personalities, and needs. To schedule an initial free call with Miriam (Manela) Frankel, OTR CTC, the director of The Thrive Group, visit www.thethrivegroup.co or call/ text 973-602-7744.

This content, and any other content on TLS, may not be republished or reproduced without prior permission from TLS. Copying or reproducing our content is both against the law and against Halacha. To inquire about using our content, including videos or photos, email us at [email protected].

Stay up to date with our news alerts by following us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

**Click here to join over 20,000 receiving our Whatsapp Status updates!**

**Click here to join the official TLS WhatsApp Community!**

Got a news tip? Email us at [email protected], Text 415-857-2667, or WhatsApp 609-661-8668.