Yom Kippur has a glaring inconsistency. Each year Hashem gives us a day for תשובה, presumably with the intention that we will do better next time. Each year we repeat the same עבירות, again and again. Yet Yom Kippur comes again. If we are going to take Yom Kippur seriously, we must understand why Hashem keeps giving us Yom Kippur if we keep failing at doing our part. Why does He trust us again and again?

Many of us live in a polarized perception of ourselves. We alternate between denial, rationalization, blame, or blissful ignorance of our faults and shame, worthlessness, inadequacy, self hatred and despondency when confronted with the hard truth of our failings. Our self image does not tolerate our חסרונות. The only way we hold on to our self esteem is by turning a blind eye to our faults. That’s why we have the question of why Hashem keeps giving us Yom Kippur. If he sees how much we keep failing, why does he keep giving us Yom Kippur? Doesn’t he hate us by now after how we have repeatedly let him down?

Our purpose in this world is to emulate Hashem. What is Hashem’s ways? We say it in Yom Kippur davening in the יג מדות. Hashem is רחום וחנון ארך אפים ורב חסד ואמת. Hashem is compassionate, gracious, merciful, kind, patient, etc… But what’s really important is the end of that פסוק, where it describes how this manifests. Hashem is נושא עון ופשע וחטאה ונקה. Hashem uses his qualities of compassion, kindness, graciousness, and patience towards our עבירות.

Hashem designed us to do עבירות. We did and will continue to do עבירות, again and again. That’s part of the plan, it’s not a glitch. The purpose is to take stock and realign ourselves, again and again. Each time we choose to realign, we are choosing Hashem and in that choice we are emulating him by connecting to Him.

The real obstacle is us. Are we so turned off from ourselves that we can’t bear to see our עבירות and in the process go into denial, blame, ignorance etc? Alternatively, are we so ashamed of ourselves that we can’t move on? Neither is רצון השם. Hashem wants us to emulate him. How does he see our faults? With compassion, mercy, patience, and love. The only way we can look at ourselves and realign is when we can take a long, hard look at our worst flaws but with the eyes of Hashem, the eyes of compassion, acceptance, kindness and patience. Without that lense, we are so horrified by our flaws that we can’t see them.

Hashem gives us Yom Kippur each year because each year it works! The point is not to stop doing עבירות. The point is to realign and strive do better, because in that striving is the purpose of our existence. More specifically it’s about realigning in the way Hashem sees us, through viewing ourselves with the יג מדות.

Only with that lense can we truly emulate Hashem and realign with Him.

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Chaim Moshe Steinmetz, LISW

Chaimmoshesteinmetz.com

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