1. Thanks so much for posting this!! We cannot stick our head in the sand anymore. We have to look at Lakewood and other Litvish Communities in the USA and make significant changes!! There is no Shidduch crises by the Litvish communities in Israel as the Litvish Bochurim there start younger. Making Changes by the Litvish community in America is PIKUACH NEFESH and no less then being Mattir a few thousand Agunos!!! see the Sefer Siach Shidduch which has the written Haskama of Rav Chaim Kanievsky pages 107-117 for an extensive list of Gedolim who spoke out strongly and unequivocally against the freezer policies some Yeshivos have. Siach Shidduch brings from many Gedolim including Rav Elazer Memachem Shach, Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman, Rav Shmuel Auerbach, Rav Yisrael Yaakov Fisher, Rav Moshe Sternbuch and of course Rav Chaim Kanievsky against the Freezer policy. How can we not listen to our Gedolim (or selectively listen to them) and then look our neighbors families and friends in the eyes whos daughters are suffering from the Shidduch crises. Years ago it was acceptable in the Litvish communities in the USA to get married at 21-22.

   The last decade we let things out of control and unless addressed quickly there will be more Karbanos. Rav Elya Ber Wachtfogel at the Agudah convention clearly stated that we cant rely on Tefillah to get us out of this crises… Rav Elya Ber said we must immediately make changes to save our precious Bnos Yisrael!!!

   • 1) Today’s Bochurim are at 18 years old are about as immature as ever.
     2) And who, exactly, are they going to marry? 16 year old girls? Hardly. 21 year old girls? and the girls will respect them? I doubt it.

     • Ingrid. If you raise your son to be a baby he will be a baby. If you want your son to be an adult make sure he knows what an adult is and looks like.

       • and you plan to raise mature 18 year olds ready to live with and respect w fie, raise a family, support said family, how?

         • 2 separate issues. Raising mature boys and girls is one thing. Second issue is the age. I’m not saying boys will be ready for marriage at 18, however, they don’t have to be babies and turn to others for everything at 30.

         • The Chasidim have done it. Boys know they’re getting married at 18/19 and the system gets them ready for it. There is no reason the Litvishe Oilam can’t make the societal changes needed over time if the will is there.

       • BTW, how old is your oldest?

       • Great point

2. There must be changes made. Although some Roshei Yeshivos are keeping their Talmidim in America till they are 22!!!!! because they tell them they will shteig better….. they have to understand that this is causing the bochurim (the majority want to spend two years in Israel) to come back at 24 and then there’s a freezer for half a year so the Bachurim don’t start till they are 24 or 24.5…… The Rosh Yeshivos that are not sending their Talmidim younger to Israel are indirectly (perhaps directly) harming so many Bnos Yisrael. Some people say the Israeli Gedolim are not so informed with the nuances of the American mentality. However if we see Boruch Hashem that there is no Shidduch Crises in Israel and there is a HUGE one in the USA we have no choice but to follow Daas Torah (and the Torah) and make immediate changes!!!

   • THERE IS NO SHIDDUCH CRISES

     Hashem already setup your sons and everyone else’s son/daughter zivug 40 days before they were even born. Forget about the fact that now they are holding at around 20 or so years later since they were born. Hashem has their zivug waiting for them and can send it to your son/daughter immediately but is just waiting for each person involved in shidduchim to do their RUCHNIUS hishtadlus of Bitachon and Emunah(faith and trust in Hashem) together with Tefillos/Prayers.

     Mrs. Seminary girl,/Mr. Learning/working boy Are YOU doing your RUCHNIUS hishtadlus? Not just your gashmius hishtadlus of dating and speaking to shadchanim etc….?

     Start turning directly to Hashem for help in all your needs, especially shidduchim that they say is a bigger miracle than the splitting of the Yam suf.

     • You are wrong. The reason you are wrong is because you forgot that once a person says no to their planned from Hashem zivug, they are no where. Since today people care more about status symbols than right from wrong, you get where we are now. Most people today don’t look into a shidduch unless something jumps out from the resume or the info from the shadchan. They don’t talk with a rav that knows them personally, just the status of the system.

     • Tell that to the 100’s of girls passing their childbearing age with no one to date. The Pelah Yoetz says that most of us need to make a serious hishtadlus to find our basherte.
       Rav Elyoshiv also answered that we need to make a regular hishtadlus to find a shidduch.
       Agav, the Gemorah only speaks about the boys having a zivug announced before he’s born. It doesn’t say anything about a girl having a basherte.
       The sign is about Bochurim living in purity as stated in Shulchon aruch to marry by 20.

     • Each person going through this should have bitochon that Hashem will help their individual situation but to say to the klal that there is no shidduch crisis is closeminded STUPIDITY and shows that you are lacking a basic understanding of what bitochon is and what it is not.
       Listen to Rav Elya Ber Shlita, minute 32:30 https://mytat.me/v169104

       • To Shmuel
         Thank you for the link you sent and I listened to it. In regards to this Are YOU doubting Hashem the king of kings ruler of the entire world that he already has EVERY SINGLE PERSON FROM MALE TO FEMALE zivvug set-up already since 40 days before they were even born and sent down to this temporary physical world to complete their mission in this world? Cause that’s what it sounds like from what you wrote and the link you sent me.
         Sure we all need to do our HISHTADLUS but when a person knows deep inside him or her that Hashem already has it all taken care of rather it’s in Shidduchim or Something else like Parnassa then it’s not a lack of HISHTADLUS.
         As an example for everyone if a gadol Hador on their Kedusha Ruchnius and great level would C”V get sick and need medicine or a doctor and wouldn’t take it then it wouldn’t be a lack of HISHTADLUS cause the tzaddik on his high level doesn’t just know how fake the medicine is but actually shockingly on his high level the medicine or doctor is like Avoda Zara and like an Idol and knows that truthfully only Hashem can heal him. Sure the Gadol Hador knows he has to do his HISHTADLUS and still eat and drink or sleep etc….

         In regards to this, this is one of the most important things every person needs to work on from the minute they are young already. Their Faith and trust in Hashem to make it through every step of life.

         May Hashem help you and every Yid complete their mission in this temporary physical world so you can go upstairs to the true world and serve Hashem with holiness and love face to face

         • 40 days is only if you accept the zivug when presented to you. If you decide that you deserve better you lose that person. Possibly for life.

         • Not sure which cool-aid you are drinking but just as it is well known from The Steipler zt”l and others that a person can throw away his bashert because of a silly reason so too can a society and specifically some roshei yeshiva who refuse to deal with an obvious crisis, rcm”l throw away shidduchim for thousands of girls. It is obvious, Rav Elya Ber said it and any person with minimal brains knows that 800 boys cannot marry 1000 girls. You can and should have bitochon that you will be from the lucky 800 but that is not helping the tzara of klal yisroel.

         • Actually only males are told of their future zivvug, there’s no such a chazal about females. Possibly because only males have a mitzva to get married. This has nothing to do about bitochon. This is about taking achrayus for the Klall.

     • I’m sorry… but to use the trite troupes of Hashem has a shidduch for everyone … 40 days …  blah blah blah… and just have bitachon is flippant and insensitive. Try using those exact same lines as a argument against other communal issues that we’ve tried to solve as a community. So disband Bonei Olam, Chai Lifeline or RCCS and let Hashem deal with the cancer and infertility?  How does that sound? The “just have bitachon” line doesn’t sound so great now, does it?

       Yes, there are problems facing our community, and as a community we should face those problems head-on and find solutions. Especially those problems are of our own making! We were the ones that created the system that caused said problem. So to now put it all on G-d is kind of ironic.

       The imbalance is clearly caused by girls starting shiduchim at 18/19 and boys at 22/23, a 4 year gap that compounds the disparity by 5% each year, leading to a 20% discrepancy.  Why do we have this gap? Because that’s how our education system is set up. WE set it up like that. It’s not Toras Moshe MeSinai. This is a system that has evolved over the past 50 or so years that we cling on to for dear life because as we all know, the thing that we as a community fear most is CHANGE.

       But to now just suggest that boys start dating earlier is unrealistic as well. A few are ready, but most are just not. Like Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. We have to change what we are doing with the boys to expect a different result, namely for them to be ready to date earlier. We must do something to raise the maturity level to have them be ready for marriage a year or two earlier.

       So how do we do that? We must change the education system for boys to more closely resemble the one girls are getting. The system we have for girls is obviously doing a better job if girls are ready to date four years earlier. Yes, I know girls are intrinsically more mature, but it shouldn’t be by four years. There’s obviously something different we are doing the girls than with boys on a communal level, right?

       What’s the obvious impetus for maturity? Responsibility. Girls have way more of it in our education/societal structure. So we must figure out a way to spread the responsibility to our boys as well. We must restructure our boys education system to incorporate more responsibility for the boys (more than the current; finding a hitch to/from school situation we have going on now). Our boys can and must do better. We have to put and end to the system churning out immature, entitled and helpless little boys.

       Upping our boys education system will also help prevent the growing percentage of boys going off the D, which also contributes to the shidduch market imbalance. Yes, everyone knows its easier to be a good girl than a good boy. So lets, as a community, create an education system that will help the boys stay “good boys” and not hinder them. Otherwise we’ll keep doing what we’ve always done and keep getting what we’ve always gotten.

     • You sound like the man who when asked by a poor hungry person for food responds, “Why are asking me? Go Daven to Hashem & he will help you.”

   • Daas Torah is only meant to be listened to when it doesn’t interfere with your agenda. If it does we say that gedolei eretz yisroel don’t know our society. The American Bnei Yeshiva crowd did the same when Rav Shach zt”l said to cover more ground in learning instead of dryeing in svuros on 3 blatt a zman. This is שפיכת דמים ממש . We learn “משום עיגונא אקילו בה רבנן” and then in practice create agunos. And the the צדיקים come out of the woodwork and say have bitachon. Huh???? Jump in front of a speeding bus and have bitachon. It doesn’t go that way and there are hundreds of old unmarried women in the American litvish community to prove it.

3. The first person who we find who spoke against the “freezer policies” was the Chazon Ish. we find in the Sefer Maaseh Ish Volume 2 page 207 that an Israeli Yeshivah wanted to impose a freezer policy and the Chazon Ish said that even if a Bochur signs a paper that he will not start Shidduchim till a specific time, he is not required to keep to what he signed as it is masneh al mah shekusov B’Torah. This Psak was affirmed by Rav Shach, Rav Elyashiv, Rav Chaim Kanievsky and many others. Freezer Policies in the USA exist for less than 30 years!!!!! I”m sure they were done with good intentions…. However considering the circumstances today they have to be changed.

   • At least 30 years.

4. First solve the divorce crises and the Shalom Bayis crises

   • Kosher Phones. I’ve seen enough that would convince anybody.

   • If guys and girls in shidduchim looked for what they felt was for them rather than the clique, aka have to be in Lakewood or kollel, that issue would resolve itself. I’ve spoken with too many young Kollel guys who chose where to live based on what the world does not what’s best for them or their kallah/wife. It’s not about Torah, It’s about the clique.

5. The problem is 1)there aren’t enough shadchanim and 2)there isn’t enough hadracha and 3)heimish Keit.

   • Hadracha is a huge problem. Shadchanim come and go based on their success.

6. There never was a Shidduch Crisis. There is a Bitachon Crisis.

   • Rav Elya Ber said at the Agudah Convention it is not appropriate to say there is a Bitachon crises. He said we cannot blame Hashem for a man made problem that we are doing in the United States. Rav Elya Ber added we have to do a lot of introspection and make fundamental changes.

     It was just Rav Chaim Kanievsky’s Yahrtzeit. We have to actually listen to him as well…..

   • There’s More talk about bitachon today than ever before. Hotlines, weekly’s, books, & seforim.
     Rav Chaim Voloziner said that part of the tzorah of ikvesa dimishicha is that people will give up from doing anything to help themselves & instead say Ain Lanu Lehishain elah al Avinue Shebashomayim. & that he says is the worst gezeirah of all!
     Shidduchim is compared to Krias Yam Suf, there, Hashem said, Ma Titzak Alai, stop the tze’oka & start doing!

     • We all understand that Hashem created this world with a need to do Hishtadlus for Parnassa. Shidduchim is not much different. A must read book on this topic is Rav Chaim Kanievsky on Shidduchim from Artscroll. Rav Chaim brings many sources that one has to do Hishtadlus for Shidduchim as well. Rav Chaim is also quoted there that it is not practical for parents of girls to expect there to be enough available Bochurim for their daughters, if they stat their own sons when they are close to their mid 20’s. We have to start the bochurim in their low 20’s.

7. This already failed. If you recall a few years ago a lot of Rabaiam push the Nasi project. What happens to all the ads? Well they saw it just not worth the gamble. You can’t make a guy that has in head that he doesn’t or shouldn’t have any responsibility’s and then just tell him to get married. It just leads to a lot of young divorced people because we would rather not work it out. You need to train a whole new generation that when they turn 18-20 they will have to take the responsibilities of being married and making it work.
   This may or may not solve the issue. But they will definitely be following Hashems will as this what is stated in chazel….

8. The first 2-3 items on the poster reveal the cynicism of this campaign, as no one involved in the discussion here in America (do Litvish bachurim in E”Y get married at 17-18?) suggest that non-Chassidic bachurim start shidduchim prior to 20. This, of course, means no disrespect to R’ Chaim ztz”l and other gedolim, just that their words are being used dishonestly. For whatever reason – rightly or wrongly – that we don’t and can’t do as this psak indicates, obviously there is another dynamic at play here. So please stop misusing R’ Chaim’s words.

   That being said, here’s another vote for moving up when the bachurim go to, and return from, learning in E”Y.

   • I agree with you that it shouldn’t be 17-18….. However we have to go back to 30 years ago when there was not a fraction of the single girls that we have today and no freezer policies in Yeshivos. it was acceptable for Litvish boys to get married at 21-22 with all the new nisyonos of our generation we have to turn the clock back to that time. It is currently out of control the late age bochurim are starting today.

     • As I indicated at the end of my original post, younger than 23-24 is definitely a good idea.

       Comparing to 30 years ago, however, is not necessarily reasonable. In pre-war Europe and post-war America, if anything the shidduch crisis went the other way, as there were not so many girls wanting to marry someone planning to stay in learning. (You see with a lot of the post-war gedolim that they got married late 20s to early 30s.) I rather doubt there were a significant number of 21-22 year-old Litvish bachurim getting married and staying in learning.

9. In America it’s all about the clique and the kavod for a few. Bachurim used to go to Eretz Yisroel then go back to their rebbi. Now they only go to the freezer. Then they must live in Lakewood and get 5-10 years support. If all the above isn’t in play, someone is going to struggle finding a shidduch. Chas V’shalom being a working guy, then you may as well be a gentile.

10. Boys getting married at 18 will solve the Shidduch crisis but it may start a גט crisis!

    • Why is that?

    • Boys, girls and their parents have to have a dedicated rav whom they can be open with. The boys and girls in particular need this. The rav needs to get them to open up about their personal feelings for their future. This way the rav can guide them what to look for. Today no one is honest in shidduchim. It’s all about the expectations. BTW there already is a divorce crisis. How about the alcoholism in our community, which has skyrocketed during this same time frame.

    • With all due respect. The Shidduch crises is creating a Get crises. Girls are rushing into Shidduchim after there aren’t a lot of names being redt to them and getting married even though some basic things aren’t okay because they see a few thousand older single girls around them with Zero chance of getting married. That is one of the reasons for the higher divorce rate. To the contrary keeping Bochurim around till they are 24 to start dating gives them way too much exposures to “other” influences. Unfortunately there are so many karbanos out there. Every day of inaction is a weakening of Yiddishkeit. We ALL know older single girls. The only way to make a real change is to start the Bochurim dating at 22 with NO FREEZER.

      • Emes. Though we will have loads of trouble convincing the Lakewood only crowd to wake up and smell the coffee.

11. גזירת פרעה

    חז”ל explain “ואת עמלינו” refers to Paroh’s killing of our sons , as it says כל הבן הילוד —וכל הבת תחיון

    The ברוך שאמר על הגדש”פ writes that Chazal intentionally continued on with the last part of the Pasuk וכל הבת תחיון to teach us that the גזירה was also by keeping the girls alive and not having anyone to marry

    Unfortunately this catastrophic גזירת פרעה is happening
    today. Thousands of Yiddishe Techter and their parents etc. are suffering from this גזירה that the Yeshivah system is partially (good part) to be blamed.

12. Lets get real! Its always been and will be about the “M” word! The Kotzker said it best “The whole world is a mashal. The nimshal is GELT!” If a bachur gets married at 18 thats 4 years of tuition out the window and countless unemployed Rabbis! And then the eretz yisroel gelt. Rabossai get with the program!

    • Maybe you only care or cared about the money. Not everyone is that selfish. while the Kotzker said what he said, I’m not going to argue, there is always room to change.

13. There was recently a serious discussion among the senior roshei yeshiva about this topic. People need to reach out to the roshei yeshiva and let them know what they and their daughters are going through so that the RY fully understand the picture. If the RY don’t hear they simply don’t know the extent of what is going on. Don’t be embarrassed to say it the way it is because it doesn’t reflect badly on you or your daughter as the vast majority of us are going through the very same situation. No dates, no serious calls. Simply NOTHING.

    Whoever thinks that there is no crisis or that bitochon is the answer should please follow this link for some clarity and daas torah https://MyTAT.me/v169104.

    But please don’t just listen to the clip rather do something. Pick up the phone and pour your heart out to the roshei yeshiva so that they really get it and hopefully they will have rachmonus on us and our children and finally end this horrible crisis.
    Lets do out minimal hishtadlus and not stop davening that Hashem give the RY the courage and wisdom to do what is necessary.

    • If everyone would be more vocal about the issue and all parents would pressure the Roshay Yeshiva and Rabonim to take deastic steps to close the age gap, then there will be change and hopefully prevent Hundreds of more girls to go through this unbearable suffering.

14. all the halls are packed and vorts happen literally every night, until the Daas Torah in America and in particular our Ir kodesh tell us otherwise it is assur to date before once 5th year. There is no age crisis as that flawed theory was debunked as we know always marry younger women. I will listen to Daas Torah here in our ir torah the mehalech in Bnei brak is different as its a different tzura.

    • You must either have a lot of money or no daughters and no heart. By the way the Rosh Yeshiva Rav Malkiel and Rav Elya Ber are fully on board that something needs to change immediately and that bochurim need to date younger

    • In Bnei Brak there is no Shidduch Crises. The same Torah was given at Har Sinai to America and Eretz Yisrael. We have let this out of control in America and Ihr HaTorah in particular. Open your eyes and see how many Yisdisher Girls are suffering……. Even the Agudah recently said this is the biggest challenge for Yidden in America.

      • Are you Jewish. What happened to the רחמנים part of you?

    • There is only one ihr hatorah in the world. It’s called Tzion or Yerashalaim. A pasuk that jews who daven say before Krias Hatorah, Ki M’tzion Tetzei Torah Etc. There is no pasuk that says M’LAkewood. Stop being a denier of Torah. There is also no mehalech in Lakewood, It’s called a clique. Nothing more. Nothing less. Your grandfather had a rebbi that he went to for everything. Advice in chinuch. Questions in 4 sections of halacha. When was the last time you sat down with your rebbi muvhak? I forgor you live in Lakewood you don’t need a rebbi muvhak. You’re better then the rest of torah jews.

15. As always, follow the money: if a Bochur is put in the freezer for 6 months at least the yeshiva is guaranteed 8-12 months of tuition being paid…. Sorry but I said it

    • I agree 100%! But we have to understand that when it was initiated 27 years ago the Chesbon of the Freezer was to make sure Bochurim are settled and learning. Today there is a far bigger challenge. Look around every neighborhood in Lakewood. So many older single girls. When my son was in Shidduchim my phone was ringing off the hook. When my wonderful daughter who is now in Shidduchim there are barely any Shidduchim being redt. We have to make real changes to this. We have to consider the Ruchniyus disadvantage of the single girls as much if not more than the advantages of putting a 24 year old bochur in a freezer for half a year. They also should be back from Israel alot younger

      • I’m in the same boat and because I’m anonymous I could tell you that this is despite the fact that my daughters are way more accomplished than my sons and should be a much better “catch” than my married sons.

    • Totally Maskim!

16. I heard a story (I believe it was verified) that one of R’Chaim Kanievsky Zatzal’s grandson’s was asked to leave yeshiva because he started shidduchim at 18, which was not the mehalech of the yeshiva. R’Chaim told the hanhala that you can’t throw him out as it’s Masne al Ma Shekasuv B’torah. This is apparent from this sign as well, that it’s a halacha
    B’Mechilas Kavod Hatorah, it’s not a halacha from the Torah, it’s a mishna in Avos, which is not necessarily a psak halacha but a hanhaga tova.
    R’Chaim was talking about the Israeli culture and that it’s the norm to start shidduchim at that age. It is not the norm in America and it will not be the norm either as it’s a different culture (Parnasa, etc)

    • Even the Gedolim in America don’t back the system of Bochurim to start at 25. Yes the freezer should be completely abolished but the real change is to get Bochurim to come to Lakewood at a younger age. You can’t send them to Israel at 21. They should be back from Israel at that age

    • There we go again. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!

17. Who is the 18 year old going to marry?1) A high school drop out who can’t support the guy 2) a 24 year old young lady who used to be his babysitter. 3)Another 18 year old who can’t figure out what she wants to be when she grows up.
    Let both of them stay single until they both are on the path of being self-supporting. Who said that parents have to work until they drop dead? Doesn’t the girls father deserve a chance to learn in Kollel during his senior years.
    The “Support the Learner” system is ok only for rich families. The 18 year old marriages will make divorce lawyers rich. A-young lady is better off single than married to a guy who is still wants to be fed, given clean clothes, a clean house,be given full financial support, etc. etc. Fill in the blanks. Gimme Gimme is what a 3 year old says.What an irresponsible way to raise children!!

    • Sara, very well said. today’s boys are generally not ready for marriage until 23/24. Many bochurim “chill” until they turn 22, since they know it will be a while before they start dating.
      Therefore, what we need is a system for maturing bochurim when they are 20 instead of 24. Perhaps we can look at yeshivos in Bnei Brak etc. for their methods of maturing the boys.

      • there is no method. people realize they need to mature only when they are planning to get married. its like saying “much more crashes happen with new drivers (under 20 or 25), so lets only allow people to drive from 25+”

        • Right on about raising the driving age.

    • You’re both correct and incorrect. The reason they are so immature is because that’s how they are being raised. No responsibility in the house. Mommy comes to yeshiva dorm to collect dirty laundry while dropping off fresh under garments. When boys are raised to be adults before 35, they will. When girls are raised to be ladies instead of slaves to someone who may or not be learning, they will.

      • I have a 19 yr 9ld son key, dorming locally, and I NEVER luck up his laundry or drop anything off to spoil him. When he comes home for shabbos once every 4 weeks or so, he is my most helpful kid! Having said that,while he may be mature, I don’t think I would take him away from his learning the next few years iyh! This is time. We all know that once he gets married, he is bound to his wife and demands and kids and life! Now he has him.and the bais medrash.

        • So happy to hear that you are raising a mature young man. However, most 19 year old boys today have no sense of responsibility to life. They have no knowledge of what it means to take responsibility for their own needs. Let alone take care of a family. Tzadok Katz, Shadchan from Lakewood, was recently interviewed in a main stream magazine. He said majority of boys in shidduchim believe the responsibility to pay the bills will fall onto one of these three groups. These groups aren’t necessarily in order. His parents, his in-laws or his wife. He has no responsibility. His rebbi never told him that in his kesubah he’s taking full responsibility for all finances of the house.

        • If you look in chazel it says your learning is a lot better once you get married. Regarding “responsibilities” regular husband responsibilities are good for a person. Regarding learning husband responsibilities that’s a big problem in Lakewood. Why are the mothers doing the husbands job(working) and the fathers doing the wife’s job( taking care of the kids) I agree both should be a joint effort if necessary. There was no other generation like this. Maybe we should fix things up and go bederch Hatorah not what the “normal people do”

18. I can’t wrap my mind around how bad the shidduch crisis is. I’m in my upper 20’s, and personally know a lot of single girls/women from their mid 20’s to their 30’s. The situation is genuinely horrific. The quality and quantity of guys is incredibly low. I feel so much resentment and anger and very alienated from the frum community, even though I don’t technically have anyone to blame.

    • My heart goes out to you and all the wonderful single girls. I agree with you.Most of you have resumes that are stupendous. Enjoy your single years. I know it’s difficult thinking negative thoughts,but Hashem will help each one you. You will have a wonderful life!Am Yisrael is so lucky that you lovely young ladies will be the mothers of the next generation.You will be able to make up for
      inadequacies of the young men in this
      generation.

      • You’re so sweet for this comment, amen and thank you!

19. This may solve the Shidduch crisis but then we’ll have to deal with the Get crisis.

    • the get crisis has nothing to do with their age it has to do with the lack of pre martial therapy that is not being done prior to marriage

      • It’s not therapy that is needed. It’s common sense. It’s reality.

    • Wrong. I posted earlier. The issue is they are all raised to be babies for life. Call mommy. Call the shver. We need to raise children to be responsible for themselves and their own bills. The next part is that these youngsters, boys and girls, need to have a rav for hadracha. A rav they can open up to about their personal feelings. Do they really want to be a secretary. Is he really up to learning several years past the chasuna. Most of lakewood under 50 doesn’t have a rav that they open up to about life. That’s also why drinking is so bad today. We drink away our issues and create different problems. Get a rav. Talk to the rav. If you’re married sit with your wife and discuss your children. Discuss your shalom bayis issues now. not after the children are no longer in the fold.

    • Why do you think there’ll be a get crises, LoAlenu.

20. start paying shaddchanim per hour and many more shidduchim will be made

    • Most successful shadchanim spend more time talking shidduchim per day then you spend during your day except for when you sleep. The more famous shadchanim in lakewood don’t sleep more than 4 hours on a good night. They spend no time with family. It’s all about those in need.

21. it used to be that there was high school to finish, college to consider, and maybe maybe Eretz Yisroel for a year, back then bochurim were not settled on learning or a lifestyle until they were in the low 20’s and they gained from the extra time.

    today, it may be just the opposite as the more years a bochur or a girl spends being single, the more venues he or she is exposed to and the more outlets he or she will experience, not all of which necessarily add up to an upgrade in his or her future home and lifestyle, and many boys and girls would prefer youthful innocence and loyal simplicity with all the mistakes that come with it, over post-mature concepts and habits, demands and expectations.

    the current crisis is not just about the older girls, it is for the younger girls as well, and for the children who will hopefully be born into a happy family.

    an immature couple does not at all warrant a Get chas veshalom, but a more cultured and exposed couple is far from a guarantee for a happier routine at home.

22. Just adding my two cents: so much of this argument is about perception. The image of the girl sitting at home “waiting for a call” (which literally graced the cover of Mishpacha a few weeks ago) is very easy to empathize with. But dates do not equal marriage. Bachurim may get more dates, busying himself with ideas, research, and dates. However, that does not necessarily mean he will get married faster. Perhaps the nature of a boy can tolerate the challenge of dating more frequently, putting himself out there, and especially the emotional challenge of dating, whereas a girl “in shidduchim” is better off “waiting” for the right one.
    In addition, perhaps the girls in shidduchim are seen in the community as more of a crisis because they are more visible. A boy in yeshiva is yet another guy in the dorm, in a suit at a friend’s wedding, another shtender in the Beis Medrash. He may have been in BMG for five years already, but no one would know. However, in our society, girls are “out there:” starting careers, college, teaching (yeah right). So their plight weighs more on the conscience of the community. Nobody is necessarily better off.
    What I am driving at is that everyone has their personal challenge. Let’s not point fingers at others. Learn to grow, to connect to Hashem, to be happy. To appreciate the multitude of goodness He does for us. Don’t victimize yourself, even if society clearly wants to label you as such. I’m sure there are many people in Bnei Brak who would look at your life and be envious. The grass is not greener on the other side. Because the grass you stand on is the perfect shade, for you.

    • The girls are not more out there to be seen. They actually are seen less than the boys. Girls tend to not wait around. They don’t get nearly the numbers of resumes’ that the boys get. Boys are known to sometimes have more than a dozen resumes’ and not respond to a single shadchan for weeks. Thus the girls don’t here of any hidduchim.

      • Again, getting resumes does not mean that you will get married. Dates or resumes do not equal marriage. That was my point. A girl may “wait” longer, apparently doing nothing. Meanwhile, the boy stands in line at Ariz a dozen times in the interim. Does that mean he gets to the finish line any faster than she does?
        My point is that amount of resumes/suggestions/dates do not necessarily reflect the outcome. Compare a girl from yichus or money to a “typical” girl. The former may get many dates and have many suggestions. But guess what? She may go out with twenty guys and get married after a year while the latter “waited” longer, scared and forlorn, “doing nothing,” feeling like a victim, only to marry her first guy a year “into shidduchim (whatever that means).” Let’s not mistake the ends for the means.

        • It has nothing to do with money. A girl won’t get a single resume to review until the boy says he’s interested in her. The boys decide which girls get to have a date. Maybe the reason a girl from money will get a few more dates is because the boys are immature and superficial. Thinking money equals happiness and successful marriage.

          • My point was that dates do not equal marriage. In my example, I was just demonstrating that getting more dates (i.e. coming from a wealthy family) does not equal marriage. Additionally, the fact that the boy does the research first perhaps shield the girls from the rejection they may get if the boy has to say no. Again, this is where the nature of boys comes into play. A boy getting rejected just on research is challenging, but perhaps he can deal with the rejection easier…

    • Everyone should try to see the good in their situation. Still, objectively speaking some people have it worse than others. The reason we term the current situation a “crisis” for girls is because there are genuinely not enough boys. It’s terrifying. It’s not easier for a girl to wait for months at a time just to get an irrelevant yes. It’s excruciating. All of my friends agree – dating sucks but not dating is significantly worse. The shidduch crisis turns the regular emotional frustration of dating into absolute agony and desperation.

    • Boy what’s your number 📱

      • this comment and the title of the commenter in context of the thread is totally inappropriate and should never have gone past the review dept. to get posted and this is one of reasons to restore the discretion and privacy in the shidduch efforts by moving up the age and having the parents more involved.

        • Because parents care about what’s best. How about they actually focus on their children abd not the status symbol. they are often part of the problem.

      • Smart woman

23. It’s so funny everyone like what diff rabbanaim say when it fits their agenda how about what RAV CHAIM said that no one should have internet, and no smart phones. That for some reason no one listens to, it’s always great to only pick what u want! Wake up realize your all just selfish and don’t care what he says

24. I didn’t read all the above comments.

    I would like to say, how many boy’s that are going to Eretz Yisroel at 21 or 22 to really learn?

    It’s a vacation before they get married.

    Look into it, and you will see I am correct.

    • And what exactly is seminary?

      • All seminaries at least supply 24/7 supervision. In aj or the mir and most of the big yeshivos there is absolutely no supervision.

    • Eh not as many as you think. Most boys go and return better people. Yea, some don’t. But most return with a clearer hashkafa, direction and connection.

25. Total baloney. You don’t get hashkafa and life direction, then go about your life without that person in your life. Without that rebbi on speed dial. Since 95% in Lakewood today don’t talk to a rebbi for hadracha I would have to say that what they get while in yeshiva is at best superficial.

26. My son learned in Ner Yisroel. At his chasuna, Rav Frand told him what his obligations are under the kesubah. He is now supporting his own family.

    • Baruch hashem A mentch.

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