1. Wow!!!

   Long overdue.

   Mi KiAmcha Yisrael!!!

   It’s never too late to fix up such a colossal mess.

   • This is the biggest challenge of our generation. We have to make changes as a Tzibbur as the alternative is more painful. The easiest fix is the Freezer. Although done with good intentions and despite all Israeli Gedolim saying it is Assur and Rav Moshe Sternbuch, Rav Elyashiv, Rav Chaim Kanievsky saying even if one signs the paper you don’t have to listen to the rule Masneh al mah shekasuv BeTorah. Now that there are so many singles No Yeshivah has a right to not let a bochur go out. Rav Kalman Krohn has a very sharp Sefer against the freezer called Torah BiTiharah which have strong Haskamos from all Israeli Gedolim. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

     • Unfortunately all pleas from the Gedolim and people who have spent hours compiling the increasing number of singles have been met with a nonchalant attitude. If the system is doing an injustice to so many girls and changes aren’t being made we are all guilty for not speaking up. It is equivalent if you see someone getting hurt and you don’t assist him…… if people are needlessly going like sheep to the slaughter without speaking up for themselves this is the price we are paying. At least the Roshei Yeshivah who went to EY “get it”. They will be able to say Yadenu Lo Shafchu Es HaDam Hazeh”. There are others that won’t be able to say that.

   • Can someone please post the time of the meeting tomorrow. It is perhaps one of the most crucial meetings for American Jewry in recent times. We are watching this crises spiral out of control. I would like to say the entire Tehillim when the meeting is taking place tomorrow. This directly affects hundreds of our dear daughter. Please can someone post the time of the meeting if they know it.

2. This is a true matter of Pikuach Nefesh. The Gedolim in Eretz Yisroel begged us to make changes. It will take a while to untangle this one but this is the best article I have seen in a very very long time. Thank You TLS for standing up for the Bnos Yisrael

   • Thank You to TLS!! I really mean it. You have stuck your neck out for so many years for the wonderful daughters of Klal Yisrael. Yihi Chelki Kimo Chelkichem

3. I think one can recite the Beracha of Shechiyanu on this. I salute all the Roshei Yeshivah who went to Eretz Yisrael. They are doing this to help out thousands of Bnos Yisroel. AMAZING.

4. Now we can all follow the lead of the Gedolim and make painful but necessary changes. What is going on by the Yeshivish Litvish Oilam in America is not a sustainable model….. the last ten years it got out of control. You can’t start the Bochurim at 23-24 this is creating both Agunos and problems in Kedusha.

   • Agunos???????? What in the world are you talking about? Age is creating Agunos????? OMG!!!!!

     • Yes! You heard it agunos.
       What is the tzaar of an aguna that gedolim of all generations did everything possible to be matir them? The tzaar is of a woman being alone forever. Our sick system is directly causing thousands of bnos yisroel to never have the most basic chance of getting married. This is a situation of agunos.

       Whoever has a yiddishe hartz needs to be mechazek this initiative will all their strength and even one who doesnt have a yiddishe hartz needs to mechazek it becasue the day will come when he will get affected as well.

       I cant fathom what drives the people who constantly mock any attempt at rectifiying this terrible crime which created a system that has one boy in shidduchim for every three girls. This is an unfathomable tragedy.

       • Really. So you call these wonderful girls agunos. Perhaps you can tell me what you call all of the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of divorced boys and girls most of who were not even married a year. What are they called? Are we caring about them? Or no, we just need to marry them all off when they are young and stupid and who cares what happens.

         Wake up. This silliness of making it about age is not only not solving the shidduch crisis but its creating a divorce crisis and a single parenting crisis.

         How about we take our heads out of the sand and make a movement to get both the boys and girls actually READY for marriage so they can date well and marry the right person at whatever age. Do that and the crisis will go away. Don’t believe me? Ask the singles and the divorcees and stay away from the shidduch organizations and dating coaches. In the end its personal to the singles and divorcees but it’s business to the coaches and organizations

         • Actually Tosfos in Kedushin explains what the heter was in his time to allow ketanos to be married off even though the G”m forbids this practice, in order that they not Igunos! Because of the difficulty marrying them off later.

           More divorces: Actually the shidduch crises is leading to more divorces because the boy figures he can marry another girl that was never married. Solving this crises will lead to less divorces.
           In addition, boys are falling into terrible internet addictions from age 20+ which is causing grave marriage problems. If they got married younger, they would have a shmirah.

5. This is truly a big Chizuk for my family which has several older cousins in Shidduchim. TYH for putting this all in place. As Chazal say Shakdu Chachamim al Takanos Bnos Yisrael!!!!

6. This is Historic and I mean it!!! For way too long there has not been a grassroots movement to deal with this leading to so many Karbanos, Tzaar and a damage in Kedusahs Klal Yisrael. If one saves one Nefesh they get Schar like they saved an entire world. This is an infinite amount of Nefashos. I have full respect and commend all Roshei Yeshivos and Askanim who are spearheading this to help alleviate so much suffering which in part is caused by US!!! As stated in the letter signed by the Gedolim. Don’t blame Hashem for this problem if we are the cause for this.

7. Rav Moshe Hillel who is suffering from a serious illness (please have in mind R’ Moshe Hillel ben Mindel for a Refuah Shelimah) told my brother who visited him last week that this undertaking of making changes to the American broken Litvish Shidduch system is the best thing he can do for a personal Zechus and an everlasting Zechus for Klal Yisroel. I think the least we Bnos Yisroel can do is Daven that he merit a Refua Shelimah so he can continue to be healthy and help alleviate this calamity

8. Who are the Leading Rosh hayeshiva that went? Afaf

9. Amazing accomplishment, very difficult to fight the establishment. U should be successful without anyone being upset. And the freezer has to go.

10. there is more than one family where the younger sibling is now “back” from seminary and the older sibling is still at home waiting and waiting and they are obviously facing a silent duel where one or the other is suggesting the doom of singlehood to their own sibling against their will or better choice just out of the struggle to “sink or swim” and here in the US there simply are not enough boys at 24 who will even consider someone at or near their same own “old age” as a first pick over the 19 yr olds who are stacking resumes aimed at exactly those 24 yr old boys “fresh out of the freezer” so for the younger one to begin shidduchim is a hard blow to the older one and yet who will take upon themselves to tell the younger one to wait and then when she is close to 24 she will have an easy time…?

    and even if everything works out, does this stress help anyone??? will the boy that they will hopefully marry be a happier man because his wife endured searing humiliation, public trauma and pitiful looks and hurtful remarks to her face and behind her back? oh, so we are doing all this for him? he is now becoming “the glickliche”?

    why? for what? to which end? because nobody had the guts to get up and speak the truth? no one saw the need to stop squashing those already in pain? to find the nearest exit and call for help?

11. If only the people who are stopping the needed changes would would know the amount of Tzaar the older girls suffer. They would not only hinder the change, they would actively get involved in this Mitzvah

    • the girls should abandon Litvishe boys completely, start dating Chassidishe boys, and learn how nice life can be with a real partner who knows how to balance ruchnious and gashmius and helps put the kids to bed, and EARNS A LIVING, so you can stay at home and raise a family like the avos.

12. havent men ALWAYS married younger women?

    • many many Gedolim married girls older then them when they got married they were not yet Gedolei Hador but thanks to those special Rebbetzins many of whom were older and more mature and not spoiled their young husbands grew to become leaders of Klal Yisroel today you can check the birth records and marriage records and find that this is in fact true

      • please name the “many many gedolim”

      • Just come out and say it.
        Girls want younger guys today.
        Especially Girl’s in their mid 20s and older because they allready ruled out the Boys in their age group.

    • Not 3-4 years younger. Not when the growth of the tzibbur is so quick K”Y that the market is getting unbalanced much quiker as well. 40-50 years ago very few families were as large as they are now.

13. As the father of 2 daughters on the market, TLS, I hear all the cynical people poking fun at you, and cannot thank you enough for being relentless in spite of the cynicism. We also need to address how to “make it up” to the already stuck girls, and not just move on from here with a new system for those coming on the market now. I’m glad there is now an admission of the צער that has been caused, but wonder how תשובה is done by those who caused this in the first place, no matter how noble the intentions.

    • any father who describes his daughters as “on the market” needs a middos check. You daughters are not for sale, and in fact you should not have to PAY a family for the privilege of supporting their son’s indefinite learning while your daughters go out of the house and work, leaving your grandchildren to be fed with formula and raised by strangers only to return home in the evening and manage the home.

14. The American Roshei Yeshivah obviously see that change is URGENT. Fo them to leave during the Zman to deal with this shows the level of serious and the quicksand that we are IYH going to get out of when the changes happen

    • The fact that 25 years ago the end of June wasn’t considered part of the z’man, and you’re calling it part of the z’man, is part and parcel of the bigger problem.

15. ATT Boys and parents of boys.

    Please do not listen to the two organizations called : “NASI” or “Lemman Bnos Yisroel”.

    There is enough data and hard evidence out there to show that by the age of mid to late ’20s, most girls are married and those who are not, are because of case-specific reasons. The male/female birth rate data shows that if we were to change the current dating patterns, there would be too many males and not enough females, just like we are seeing by the Chasidim.

    I am currently witnessing a real tangible shidduch crisis by the Chasidim of far more men than woman , and especially in the older age groups and the divorced segment. Now the men there do all that NASI says to do. They start earlier and they take older girls, no problem. And this results in a real surplus of males crisis.

    So I am adressing only to the boys and their representatives.

    Listening to NASI , and all boys getting married earlier then 23 will result in a real probem for boys definitely in the long term.

    Many shadchanim who dea with singles in their high 20’s and older have all told me that compatibility and misalignment are the problems here , but they have enough males per females.

    If you dont believe me, go to Youtube and type in shidduch crisis , and see what comes up.

    LongTime Shadchan

    • The facts on the ground prove this is bologna.

      • The facts on the ground show that the girls side does the rejecting far more then the boys.

        This is especially so in the older age groups. But also the parents of the girls in the low 20s say no far more then the boys do . This experience is also confirmed in the shadchan column in the Flatbush Jewish Weekly.

    • Will all due respect anyone with that level of aptitude has clearly never made a shidduch.

      • You have no idea what I did and didn’t do because you don’t know me.

        And Thank GD for that

    • Stick to shadchonus & stay out rational discussions because you’re repeating a long debunked study using responses from modern orthodox people online. No relevance to the situation in Lakewood. Every girls highschools knows the numbers of unmarried girls & it’s becoming worse each year.

16. The freezer can stay. The boys need to live in civilization and see what life is really al about. Face reality for a few mo ths and figure out who they really are!!!

    • so the freezer is meant to teach a bochur “what life is all about”? i thought it was to help him get settled and learn shtark without distractions back in the days when there was no late night takeout, cellphones and much less cars in the dorms, however today the “freezer” can chas veshalom be the venue where he is exposed to permissive “albeit necessary” use of the internet and a more broad minded lifestyle of consumerism and R&R incongruent with and unsustainable in any kollel environment all this while being denied the vital chizuk he may have had if he were to be already married and in a Torah’dige community or on the way there and in contact with Rabbonim who can guide him to the path of true yiras shomayim bekdusha ubetahara the way that Reb Aharon zt”l really meant it to be

17. When asked why he was not attending the historic Shidduch Summit in Israel on Thursday, President Biden told reporters: “Well, I think it is a
    well-known fact that I am fully supportive of ‘Shidduch Reform’ and the Shidduch overhaul initiative, or any initiative that helps terminate the single status of millions of Jewish girls and boys. However, I am also fully opposed to the Judicial overhaul initiatives that my beloved nemesis, Bibi Netanyahu, is seeking to implement. Hence, I refuse to step foot again in the holy land of Palestine, or to invite Bibi to the White House until his Judicial reform initiatives are abandoned.”
    “Here in the US,” Mr. Biden went on to say, “I have never, ever questioned the legitimate rulings of the judiciary, except when the rulings have contradicted hallowed left wing decrees that have been put in place decades ago, like abortion and other life-destroying edicts. And I expect nothing less from Bibi. The Judiciary must maintain complete control over the every day lives of Israeli citizens!”
    “I will soon be sending an invitation to the rabbis of the Shidduch Reform summit to visit the White House,” Mr. Biden added, “where we can discuss various solutions to the shidduch crisis, like doling out huge government grants to the shadchanim and distributing sizeable government grants to help offset the costs of the wedding halls, flowers, invitations, shtreimels, bekishes, Shabbos lychter, sefarim sets etc. etc. etc.”
    “The Shidduch Summit rabbis are more than welcome to visit me at the White House any time they choose,” Mr. Biden said, “except when Hunter is visiting, then the White House is off limits to everyone, except for a few dozen foreign business entrepreneurs.”
    “I sincerely wish the Rabbis success in their shidduch overhaul endeavors,” Mr. Biden added, “and I hope to see many more married couples in the Palestinian city of Lakewood! Best of luck to all the prospective brides and grooms out there! Mazel Tov to all of them! L’chaim!”

    • While you attempt to have good humor this is not a topic you should be cynical about. This is a legitimate catastrophe….. it also is a very personal and sensitive topic. Use your humor elsewhere. You obviously are from the lucky few spared from this Litvish American Shidduch Plague….

      • Before the Rebbe Reb Bunim of Pshiske became well known, he was working near a lake when a child fell into the water. The people standing nearby panicked – the child’s life was in danger. The Rebbe Reb Bunim called out to the child, “Send regards to the Levyosin!” The people standing nearby couldn’t believe what they had just heard. A vitz?! Suddenly a piece of wood appeared out of nowhere in the water, right near the child. The young boy grabbed on to the piece of wood and managed to use the piece of wood to reach dry land safely.
        “The child was in need of tefilos,” Reb Bunim later explained, “but tefilah is answered mitoch simcha. And in this situation it was very difficult for those standing nearby to be b’simcha. With the little vitz I threw out there, it provided a slight glimmer of simcha that allowed the tefilos of the rabbim to pierce the heavens.”
        I am not Reb Bunim, and not all situations are appropriate for vitzen, and I certainly wasn’t even thinking along Reb Bunim’s lines, but nevertheless……..
        Moreover, how do you know what kind of difficulties I may be facing? Perhaps, it is okay for me to make a weak attempt at humor, even when discussing a shiduch crisis, as long as I am not slighting anyone, which I sometimes do – somewhat inadvertently – and then regret. Vehu rachum yechaper avon……

        • Another pshat can be that he was giving him a berachah to see a livyasan that will save him. The livyasan is like an eitz yovesh since it can’t have offspring. [See the Haftorah of ta’aneisim] I think that only parts of davening that are praising Hashem are supposed to be with simcha. When you have a tzara you are supposed to beg and cry for mercy. Although you should not overdo the crying. Especially if a kid is drowning, everyone needs to be focused on saving him and cheering him on, not crying. But I agree with Asinine Commenter. Just about all situations are appropriate for vitzen as it says in mishlei, tov lev mishteh TAMID.

          • This sounds interesting. What’s the source for this? I couldn’t find it in the haftarah

          • Livyasan without offspring and an eitz yovesh, an interesting derher. To expound on the biur hadevarim a little: One, who at the current moment has no offspring, finds it difficult to to be hopeful for the future. But davka the levyasin, who appears to be an eitz yovesh and childless, is the symbol of salvation and a symbol of hope for the future.
            Nevertheless, I am merely repeating the story of Reb Bunim as I remember reading it.
            And I certainly understand that when people are experiencing tzarus, they typically aren’t interested in hearing a vitz – and it might very well be inappropriate to say a vitz to a person who is experiencing a tzara, although sometimes – and only SOMETIMES – a vitz might be exactly what the person needs at that moment.

          • @wwm, Kehas is referring to the haftorah of Dirshu Hashem behimatzo in Yeshayahu, towards the end of the haftora.”

      • perhaps the catastrophe could be solved my matching Chassidishe boys with Litvishe girls. is that too far of a bridge for achdus, though? is the type of hat you wear and gebrochts more important? yeah, I thought so.

        • This has nothing to do with sinas chinom, and more to do with practically, most litvish girls will not want their kids to have laanga peyos , speak mostly yiddish, etc. etc. etc.

18. Not sure what is being accomplished other than Tircha. Daas torah is to have the boys start dating earlier!!!!! Can’t they have a conference call!!! I have both, a boy and girls in shidduchim for a long time. The problem is not what the Gedolim will say, that we all know. The problem is that no one is listening to the Daas Torah and it’s a huge Chilul Hashem

    • please dont throw around a halachick term, “chillul hashem”.

      • when you visit any given block and hear about more than 10 older girls who are totally frum and from great families and who can and will support who are not married just because nobody figured out back then when these girls were younger that it is vital to allow the group of boys from the corresponding age group to look into the prospect of marrying them- ok what do you want to call that? an “amazing” situation?

19. EVERYONE agrees on one the thing. There is a serious issue with shidduch situation and we must do something years ago!
    Everyone please continue to do anything you can so that some type of relief is implanted and this issue not continue to get ignored. its pikuach nefesh!

    • This is Pikuach Nefesh times a few thousand. Probably Should be Pikuach Nefashos. As Rav Elya Ber said this is a man made problem and can be fixed by humans not the Ribbono Shel Olam. Of course Hashem will assist us if we initiatethe change.

20. I must have missed the first time that the scoop posted the letter from the Gedolim in Eretz Yisroel which is linked to this article. After reading that letter its case closed….. stop hurting the Bnos Yisroel and listen to the Gedolim.

21. As an older single girl with many friends in the same Parsha as me, I think TLS is missing a very crucial point. The level of Frumkeit we older singles face is not being addressed. Once we leave the shelter of seminary, after a few years of waiting with basically no dates, Frumkeit and Mitzvah observance is weakened considerably. This is a glaring omission in your article.

22. All post EY yeshivas must refuse to accept boys that have turned 22. This will immediately solve the problem. I refuse to send another penny to any that is not taking serious steps to remedy this situation

    • Just so we know the risk. How many pennies are you already giving these mosdos that they risk losing?

      Yup. Another brilliant suggestion. It’s mind boggling that you – a person not in chunuch, not a Rebbi, not a Rosh Yeshiva, not involved with Shidduchim – yet somehow you know the solution. Incredible

    • I’m not a prophet either, I’m just looking to make one.

23. Rav Michael Ber Weissmandel said the biggest Taanug in this world a Yid can get is to save another Yid. These Roshei Yeshivos should be commended for going on a plane across the world to help our daughters. It is a Nachas Riach LaHashem. But this Freezer is an easier fix. Why for five months. Even one month is too long. At least it should be shortened.

24. It’s a “SHADCHAN CRISIS”. Speak to anyone “in the pasha” and they will tell you that Shadchanim have made the process incredibly aggravating, stressful, demeaning, complicated etc. And that’s why ppl are not getting married.
    My parents didn’t get married through a SHADCHAN and neither did yours. The shadchan used to redt the shidduch and then leave the scene. Nowadays the shadchan practical goes on the dates with you. Deciding under what conditions you can meet, how long you can meet, how often you can meet, how quickly you need to respond after a date, what you can or cannot discuss etc. the list goes on and on. Plus the shadchan likes to make you feel dumb and incapable, they can be demeaning and belittling. No wonder ppl stopped getting married.
    The shidduch crisis started at the same time that being a shadchan became in style. 1 + 1 = 2 . Enough bandaids, time to face the real issue.
    Hatzlacha

    • Yup. Now we are talking. Finally a comment that speaks reality. Bravo!!!!

25. The whole approach to the shidduch crisis is backwards.
    Why stunt a boy’s growth in learning in order that the girls shouldn’t have to worry! Crazy!

    Don’t allow the girls to go out before they reach the age of 20. Age imbalance crisis solved.
    Don’t allow the fathers to offer support. Girls would then be judged by their compatibility rather than by how many dollars are on the table. These two items would go a long way towards solving the divorce crisis.

26. Our generation became to Jewish. We have over complicated a simple thing.
    Get married like your grandparents did, see someone at a wedding, meet someone at a shabbos meal, notice someone at the grocery store etc, exchange contact information and work it out from there
    If you ready to get married, your able to do it on your own.
    Singles are way smarter and capable then we credit them for
    For goodness sake just let the kids meet and they’ll know what to do from there.
    Sheesh.

    • Your not totally off but truth is that the Shulchan Aruch has many halochos regarding shadchanus so its real. That being said, it has nothing to do with the business created call shadchans

    • from time immemorial shidduchim went by suggestion and every chosson and every kallah are accompanied by those who help them through the process

    • There lies the problem. They aren’t able to do any of these things on their own. They are raised, particularly the boys, to rely on Mommy and Totty for everything.

27. Everyone can help. What is needed is the mothers and boys to just START. do NOT go back for ANOTHER zman. Stay, start dating. (and look at the older girls first!) Hatzlacha

28. Someone once gave this suggestion:
    If every shul had an appointed Gabay/ Shadchan, that everyone can trust , that would go a really long way.
    In addition, I hope the oilem does’nt jump on me, WE NEED A LOT MORE MEN SHADDCHANIM!
    People with sechel hayashar
    Smart people .
    talmedai Chachomim to have a vested interest in marrying off each girl.

    Also, doesn’t really help when some Roshei Hayeshiva suggest , ” Only marry Rich”.

    Like whatever happened to Emunah and Bitachon?

29. almost every day i hear of a bachor in bmg that the shidduch is off after 5 or 6 dates and usually it was the girl that said no, so if you compare to eretz yisroel and chassidim compare it all the way and by chassidim and in eretz yisroel youre not hearing this every day, just saying…

    • Not true. It’s 50/50. Each side blames the other. Check with the Shadchan who called it off.

30. I have many older brothers and they are baruch hashem all married and most of them went out with alot of girls and the majority of the no’s came from the girls side, and one of the boys in my family recently got engaged to the 6th girl he went out with and he never gave a no, ALL the no’s came from the girls, including a few that were at least after 5 dates, so every time i hear of people saying shidduch crisis i think about the diference in the way boys date and the way that the girls date that the girls are much quiker in giving a no than a boy and many times the reason is mamash shtusim AND I THINK THE REASON IS THAT MOST BOYS HAVE GOOD HADRACHA IN SHIDDUCHIM FROM REBBEIM AS OPPOSED TO GIRLS WHO DONT NECESERILY HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO SO I WOULD ADVISE GIRLS TO ALSO DISCUSS THEIR SHIDDUCIM WITH AN ADAM GADOL WHO IS ALSO INVOLVED IN HELPING PEOPLE IN SHIDDUCHIM , HATZLACHA.

    • I also went out with a lot of girls most said no. That didn’t feel good. But what in the world does that have to do with anything. If a girl cant get a date because of the age gap problem it wont make a difference what she says. If the situation was equal and all boys and girls had an equal ability to get dates evenly then you have a point perhaps that girls should be more open minded. But for now your point is completely moot. Also part of why they are saying no is that due to this imbalance they are agreeing to go out with boys that in the first place they would have agreed to otherwise and once they have gone out they realize why they would not have said yes in the begining.

31. I believe zeidy & bubby have the solution to the shidduch crisis.

32. I hope that single girls are not looking for “zivugos” as the article claims. I do hope they’ll find their zivugim soon!

    Also glad that this story is not about car accidents, though in a way I wish the biggest, most tragic news would be just that

33. please let us know which roshei yeshiva and which askonim went to Israel? Why are their names kept secret?

    • if they felt you should know they would have called you but you can always call the Gadol and ask i am sure he will understand…

34. This mission is very secretive!

    For a move that is supposed to effect so many lives so personally, were told nothing.

    Please come clean about whos behind this whole thing ?

    What was the game plan and the ask going in , and what the G’dolim in EY told?

    Folks… Start asking questions !

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