(Click on letter to enlarge). (for those who can’t enlarge it, this is the exact context of the letter sent to the Readers’ Scoop writer : I am writing to you because I realize what great parents you would be. I promise you that if you accept upon yourself to wear much longer skirts and to always dress in loose (even baggy) clothing whether pregnant or not, Hashem will bless you both with children. Dear husband, it is your obligation to compliment your wife on how beautiful she looks this way. As it is truly beautiful to keep her real beauty just for you personally. You will both be blessed with children.)
I was hoping you can post the attached letter on your blog. I don’t know any other way I can express my frustration of inconsiderate and down right rude and thoughtless people. Attached is the letter and this is my comment: We’ve been married 2 years now, have no children and spend our time running to different specialist and undergoing fertility treatment. For some anonymous person to bud into my personal life and tell me he/she knows the answer to all our problems is wrong on every level. There is no rav, no person with brains (read more)
i believe that the guys who wrote the letter is a real idiot and very inconsiderate , but i think there is a very strong point to be made here. I dont believe that anyone who on the internet can even claim for 1 second that ladies dressing not tzniusdik in lakewood is causing men to be nichshal in averius, for a very simple reason. you can see more shmutz on the internet in 5 minutes than you can see in lakewood in 5 years and we all know it. i think that all of us adults have to learn self control , and stop blaming the woman for the mans lack of self control. go to manahatten for one day and you will see what dressing provoctive really means.
But there is one thing that i hold woman who do not dress tniusdikly accountable for . and that the children. if my children see a woman especially one who is married to a kollel guy dress not tzniusdikly the will think that – hey i can be frum and dress like this and its kewl and ok, and my parents must be old fogies who are not up to date with times. as for myself and almost all the other men who are online or in the business world , or even the yeshiva guys who can see more shiksas that are 3/4 undressed on any block of lakewood – have to learn self control regaurdless of how jewish woman dress . but for the children growing up to see a jewish woman dressing provoctive that is the biggest problem. i would rather that you took off your shatiels, got a big tatoo and a few pircings and walked around half undressed , that at least my children would think your a shiksa and not consider following your ways. you can do whatever you want. its a free country and a free world , but you obviously do not care about the children of our next generation and the examples you are showing them , and you expect others to care about your children or lack of children ?
trust me i know your pain of not having children. it is undescribable. but before pointing fingers back , just consider the fact that we all are the same self centered and inconsiderate beings as the the person next door, and it is time we all grew up . so to both of you – before you start pointing fingers at each other – take a good look in the mirror.
Anon 3:25 a.m.
Take a good look in the mirror and realize what an idiot you sound like. If only you read the original article and the numerous posts you would see that the couple who recieved this letter don't have tzinuis problem. Yes, everyone could always better themselves in every area, and especailly tzinuis, but to acuse a young couple going through infertility that their tzinius is problem and that's why you don't have kids, and then to have people come on this blog and say, yes you should work on your tzinius all you people are just as bad as the letter writer.
And stop blaiming the women all the time. Walk around lakewood and you will see many men who are not dressed as frum people. No, I'm not talking about the ones who don't wear white shirts every day…walk around and you'll see the men I'm talking about. Or maybe you won't, you just may think that they aren't jewish to begin with.
Instead of people pointing fingers keep your fingers in your pocket and work on yourself because everyone has something they can work on.
I'm disapointed with everyone,
ONLY 104 comments.
Were loosing our touch.
Anonymous said…
to "Lakewood Used to be Holy"
If i"m not mistaken the TLS posted a letter from all the Rabunim in Town asuring most off the close that the girls and women in Lakewood walk around in. So the Rabunim Dealt with it and yet the people arent listing. so what else is your recomondation on how to deal with tzineyus issues. Please Respond!!!
August 19, 2009 1:34 PM
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firt off it was NOT all the RABONIM in this town and second if my rav lives somewhere else i have the right to choose whichrav i use . If you dont like what you see then dont look and if you still dont like it then go live in a cave . And BTW if it so bothers you how can you shop at walmart., shoprite , kamart , homedepot and for that matter blog on line? you low life hypocrite that you are !
-Not reading those who preceded me…
May Hashem bless the two of you to become the parents of many healthy, happy, beautiful, smart, frum children. And forget the tznius issue….if only for the hurt and humiliation that that letter caused, you should be blessed with enough children to erase it.
You deserve it.
Since when is being married for two years considered a long time for not having chidren. This couple is seaking treatments just after two years ???????? Give me a break, they sound like they have a major self esteem problems and should move on with their life.
To anon 8:24
Talk about forgetting what the message of this post is. How insensitive of you. It sounds like YOU have major issues in judging others without having a clue as to what you are talking about. Do you have any idea what two years to wait for a child is? Do you know what their issues are? Do you know what they have been through already? Wow.
Dear Anonymous letter writer,
Who do you think you are??!! Do you think you are G-D?, Do you think you are a nice person? Do you think you are a smart person? As I qoute from your heartless letter "I promise if you accept upon yourself….Hashem will bless you with children."Dear husband…it is your obligation to…..before I continue to qoute these disgusting words let me set the record straight, you are not G-D, you are not a nice person, and you are not a smart person. How do you have the nerve to write such a letter, what were you thinking????? Did you actually think that any good would come out of a letter like this, let me break the news to you, all this letter did was cause pain, anguish and frustration and for that you should be ashamed of yourself.
We are approaching elul, yom hadin. For the sake of you and your family I would suggest you seriously think of what you did here, and ask this couple michila.
I hope we can all take a lesson from this of what not to do, and to be more sensitive to people's feelings.