Readers’ Scoop: Response To The Shadchan Crisis

Dear Editor,

I’d like to respond to yesterday’s post, “Shadchan Crisis.” There are Boruch Hashem numerous dedicated Shadchonim who work diligently on the difficult Parsha of Shidduchim. They are moser nefesh on a daily basis. Their families deal with a father or mother who is on the phone many hours a day. These hardworking people are here to help. They aren’t in it for the money or the Kovod. It’s neither a Bakovodik nor a well-paying job. For the most part, they are L’shaim Shomayim. Sure, there are some exceptions, but overall – Shadchonim are overworked and underpayed. They have no lack of headaches or agmas nefesh. So why are they in this field? To help others! To claim that Shadchonim are the reason behind the crisis is both foolish and dangerous. (Read more)
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12 COMMENTS

  1. Uhh actually, lewinstein and levy are both known for getting very high fees for making shidduchim. They most certainly ARE in it for the money! (Hey if i were in their shoes i would too!)

  2. I beg to differ with Anonymours 4:18. They may have started getting fees recently as this has become their sole source of parnassa. But I remember years ago offering one of them $$ up front to help my older daughter. He refused, but still had us in mind. He was definitely in it Lshem Shamayim. As years passed and his family grew and he decided to make this his career, I guess he started taking fees–Kol Hakovod to him for making this his parnassa. It isn't an easy field to work in!

  3. SHADCHANIM for the most part are in it for the money/parnassa . If you feel overworked and underpaid? then find another job just like i did when my boss cut my benefits .

  4. I don't see why Shadchonim are being singled out on this blog.True some shadcohnim put undue pressure, but that problem is probably more prevalent by friends then by shadchonim.And this is not a new crisis. Ten years ago I heard Rabbi Forscheimer speak publicly, about how upset Rav Shnuer used to get about young people with no life experience thinking they can lead other people in areas like Shiduchim.

    As far as the L'Shem S'hmoyim aspect goes, I can think of many fields (e.g. therapy) that people go into semi L'Shem S'homayim but after a few years become all about the money.Please don't pick on Shadchonim.

  5. Shadchanim who do work l'sheim shomayim are deservant of all the credit in the world. However the shadchanim who make shidduchim in order to cash in on program incentives, or to perpetuate machloikes are beneath contempt. A shidduch made to be marbeh machloikes and tzaar for other people won't have brachah or a kiyum. V'ain Lehoisif.

  6. Ten years ago I heard Rabbi Forscheimer speak publicly, about how upset Rav Shnuer used to get about young people with no life experience thinking they can lead other people in areas like Shiduchim.

    Not only isn't this limited to Shadchonim, it's not limted to the topic of Shiduchim either.The Whole blog world is just an endless overflowing abundance of people who don't seem like they have
    no life experience or depth, but talk as if they know everything and are certain as to how other people should or should not be living their lives.

  7. Some of these comments are really wrong. The two shadchonim mentioned above don't have a fee. They, and the many other shadchonim, work very hard to make shidduchim. There's so much time that goes even into each shidduch. Instead of blaming them, thank them!!!

  8. Families who are committed to marring off their children only via the Shadchonim System have to play by the rules they’ve created for themselves. Five of my seven children (the other two are still in high school) are happily married and raising frum Torah observant familes and I’ve never spoken to a Shadchonim in my life.

  9. Getting money has nothing to do with L'Shem Shamayim. Rebbeim nad Morahs are L'shem Shamayim and get paid. I am sure that with the great salesmanship skills that shadchanim need to have, any successful shadchan would be able to have a top sales position if he would devote all his time to it. So let them get some reimbursement for all the time they spend on helping us marry off our children. And, I am sure they will reap their rewards after 120 years – the Keren Kayemes in Olam Habah.

  10. Getting money has nothing to do with L'Shem Shamayim.

    Although one can be getting paid and also have L'Shen Shmoyim in mind, and get Mitzvos etc., there is no way someone getting paid can be considered in the same league as a volunteer.The Sifrei Halacha differentiate between a volunteer and someone paid by issues like Osek B'Mitzvah Poter Min H'Mitzavah etc.

  11. "Five of my seven children (the other two are still in high school) are happily married and raising frum Torah observant familes and I’ve never spoken to a Shadchonim in my life"

    well horay for you miss unsensitive- some of us don't have the right "connections or contacts " and have to rely on shadchanim from an hishtadlus point of veiw.

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