Readers’ Scoop: Letter To Neighbor: Please Don’t Wear Red Tops

(Attached is the original letter given to neighbor) (TLS welcomes your letters at [email protected] . The views are solely those of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views of TLS).

“Do you think this is a man’s business to tell this to my wife? I think people should be minding their own business”.

(The following is the exact text from the letter).”It is forbidden according to everybody for a lady to wear a red garment. This is not a decision based on today’s Rabbinical decisions (although that should be enough anyhow). It is a ‘Psak’ from the Gemarah explicitly referring to the color red as a forbidden garment.We would really appreciate if you could kindly conform to this Halacha. This note is not written to hurt or offend you & I sincerely apologize if it does (as you prob did not know this Halacha). We are just begging you kindly please don’t be Machshil other people. Thank you very much.”

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109 COMMENTS

  1. I think the commenter is 100% right. He said it in a very nice way and there is no reason for this woman to take offense. If she can't take any constructive criticism, she will have bigger problems in life.

  2. I know TLS is not a forum for halacha, but perhaps you can clarify one inyan. Officially the style of wearing a shell with a short sleeve top above it is considered not so tzniusdik. Yet there are Lakewood stores that actually advertise these styles and its being worn all over.
    Perhaps someone can clarify this matter.

  3. Actually it's not at all a clear halacha, and according to the Steipler (cited in Orchos Rabbeinu) is not applicable in our times.

  4. Can I ask this husband why the neighbor had to be the one to tell his wife and not him??!

    The Lakewood of old is long gone. Let's hold on to whats left.

  5. Even assuming there is no Halacha issue with women wearing red,
    if women can demand Bochrim smoking in the street to go far away (see last weeks letter about smoking)I don't see why men can't dictate to women how they should dress in public

  6. first describe the color red and then we can talk . does it mean blood red or off red or a deep red?
    are red socks or shoe laces a problem too? are red skirts with white tops a problem or does it mean that the entire dress is red? please explain this supposed halach that you ate referring to

  7. This husband is considered a mesay'ah when another yid ends up being mz"l b/c of the forbidden way this guys wife dresses, and will also give a din vecheshbon when his time comes!

  8. i think that husband should take his prutzah wife and get out of here instead of being even a bigger minuvel and rasha than he is already and publisie this as if he is proud of his wifes clothing

  9. Re Shell w/ Short Sleeve:
    This shell does not, 1)Show any more skin, 2)and does not show any more of body figure.
    The only problem is that at first glance, it might hit you as actual short sleeves. But since the style became so prevalent, it no longer appears to anyone as short sleeves anymore.
    It's the same thing when Reb Moshe used to asser shabbos clocks, because, lights going on in a house on Shabbos gives the appearance of someone putting on a light. Until the clocks became so commonly used, that this reason was no longer applicable.

  10. "Can I ask this husband why the neighbor had to be the one to tell his wife and not him??!

    The Lakewood of old is long gone. Let's hold on to whats left."

    June 23, 2009 1:26 PM

    Just because you think it's assur, doesnt mean that everyone has to hold like you.

  11. If it is assur is besides the point.

    If a man notices and remembers what color shirts his neighbor's wife wears he is being machshil himself.

    Normal men men dont remember things like that unless they are thinking about the woman more then they should

  12. It happens to be a clear halacha, how else should he have handled to situation.

    June 23, 2009 12:51 PM

    It just so happens NOT to be a CLEAR halachah

  13. This husband is considered a mesay'ah when another yid ends up being mz"l b/c of the forbidden way this guys wife dresses, and will also give a din vecheshbon when his time comes!

    June 23, 2009 1:48 PM

    YOu Idiot!

    You're jumping to conclusions that it was prutzisdig, Read the letter, the issue here is the color red.

    The husband is right.

  14. DO YOU WANT HEALTHY CHILDERE CHILDREN THAT GO IN G-DS WAYS HOW DARE YOU BE MACHSHIL SOME ONE DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUE HOW MUCH GEHENOM AWAITS SOME ONE WHO LETS HIS WIFE WALK AROUND IN UNTZNIUS CLOTHING ..GO DO TESHUVAH INSTEAD OF WRITING LETTERS TO THE SCOOP HOW BAD THAT OTHER PERSON IS YOU RIGHT NOW ARE THE PROBLEM THAT HAS TO BE DEALT WITH NOT HIM
    YOU HAVE WAY TO MUCH TO LOSE IN LETTING YOUR WIFE WALK AROUND LIKE THAT AND ZERO TO GAIN EXCEPT HASEM YIRACHEM..

  15. Whoever is claiming this Halacha to not be applicable today should please post an exact 'mareh makom' to prove his point & let the oilam check it out.

    Until then it is 100% pashut that RED clothing which attracts attention is 100% ASSUR!

    The letter writer could not have been nicer in bringing up this serious issue in a kind way to the violator and should be commended for his zikuy harabim.

  16. I think we should just put this on the back burner for now and concentrateon the fact that the women drivers in this town should have a madatory drivers education!!what is going on pay attention to the road and kids in your car HANG UP THE PHONE!!!

  17. What a beautiful written letter. It is so nice to see such caring messages being shared among the Lakewood community. This is probably the best way to approach such a situation. Instead of making this fellow uncomfortable by a personal discussion or having the neighbors Rav approach the evil neighbor, this person sent a anonymous letter. Besides the ultimate sensitivity displayed this was probably the most effective way to change this womans rotten dress choices. May Hashem bless all those who should be blessed and punish the wicked who deserve to be smoked!

  18. anon 2:34,

    Please don't share with us the details of everything else you and your wife like.. THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM > Things like this should only be kept between you % her… The whole world doesn't need to see all the things which you both like so much..

  19. OMG i'm wearing a red necklace today and i have a red phone. im also wearing shoes that have a hot pink bow on them. Am i gonna get bleached?????

  20. The Bais Yaakovs have to teach the girls to dress tzniusdik even during summer vacation. Mark my words there will be scandal this summer followed by a major Tznius Asifa.

  21. Many young husbands today are unfortunately excited by displaying trophy wives to staring oglers. Nebach – then the trouble starts….

  22. June 23, 2009 2:34 PM

    THE WORLD IS NOT HEFKER YOU CAN DRESS HOW YOU WANT BUT YOU WILL NOT WANT THE GEHENOM THAT COMES WITH IT THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU LET YOUR WIFE OUT THE DOOR IN SUCH CLOTHING IF LIFE MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU THE AOUNT OF PEOPLE YOUR MACHSHIL IS SCARY THERE ARE ALOT OF SCARY STORIES ABOUT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO PEOPLE WHO DRESSED THAT WAY ……..

  23. If it is assur is besides the point.

    Men who concern themselves complaining about the details of how woman dress (like what color shirts they wear) obviosly have issues and feel guilty about it.

    If a man notices and remembers what color shirts his neighbor's wife wears he is being machshil himself.

    Normal men men dont remember things like that about a woman unless they are thinking about the woman more then they should

  24. Anonymous said…
    234 soon other guys will like her too

    June 23, 2009 2:41 PM

    YOU SHOLUD OF ADDED…..AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE HER ANY MORE

  25. Anonymous said…
    My wife were red i dont care

    June 23, 2009 3:16 PM

    YOU ARE PROBABLY A BOCHUR A REAL MINUVAL THAT LOVES WHEN THESE TOPICS COME UP AND JUST MAKING SUCH A COMMENT TO IRRIATATE OTHERS SICK MIND GET A LIFE

  26. To answer your question:

    Being that you are the type of person that it bothers you more that he wrote the letter, then what he wrote about, then you are 100% right. (obviously someone saying something to you or her will not change anything) He should not have written the letter at all.

    If you see someone doing something wrong you are suppose to let them know. That is only if you know that it will help, but if you know they wont listen to you then you are not allowed to say anything. I am not sure if that applies to a woman though. He should of probably sent it to the husband. I believe that writing a letter to someones wife no matter what it says is a lack of tznius. There are proper ways to do things.

    So basically the person that wrote that letter should be worrying about himself and doing it the right way.

    It's kind of ironic that he would be complaining about tznius when he is not careful himself.

    The question of, if you should have posted this or not… Thats a whole other story..

  27. I am a lakewood woman who dresses trendy Not trashy, & it's the guys who look the most yeshivish that look my way. I bet the guy that types in all CAPS stares the most & can't keep his eyes on his own wife. It wouldn't make a difference if the woman is wearing red or black, it's the same guys that will stare. Get help if you can't control your urges.

  28. WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE DECIDE TO DICTATE THEIR OWN WAY OF LIFE ON OTHERS!?!?!?

    HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT THEIR RAV DOESN'T HOLD DIFFERENT THEN YOUR RAV DOES!?!?!?

    WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BE AT THE LEVEL OF YIDDISHKEIT THAT YOUR AT!?!?!?

    YOU ARE THE REASON WHY MOSHIACH IS STILL NOT HERE!!!!!!

  29. I just have one comment to make regarding all of you that are screaming "ASSUR" and "gehinnom" etc. I am not claiming to be a tzaddik, so please dont label me as hypocritical. But where is there a heter for you tob ereading and posting anything on the internet that is not business related. There are CLEAR takanos and almost EVERY RAV has come out against this and , (we will see if TLS is brave enough to print this) all these so-called "frum news sites. This tznius story may be a topic of interest but it seems to me that everyone has his/her own shulchan aruch to follow when it fits their style and to "ignore" it when they see fit to do so. Lets all learn to STOP being so critical of others until we are doing the right things because I think that ANYONE so worried about the red dress for halachic reasons, wouldnt be spending his time blogging. Instead he would be learning, working, etc.

  30. I'm astounded by the talk here. Women are supposed to dress in a manner that won't attract a males attention. Men who get attracted are not sick or have problems. They are human and Hashem left the obligation to prevent sin in this manner on the women folk! Get it!? The guy who wrote the note is a tzadik.. The husbands who don't care how their wives dress or prefer the provocative attire actually do have a problem. First, ask them if there is a god

  31. Rabbosai ich ken nisht masig zein az se-iz duh etlicheh menner vus kukin oif prusteh meidelach vus hut ungetun roiteh kle'der. V'lo sosuru acharei levavchem ve'acharei eineichem. Rabbosai mir halten mamish mei'chevlei Moshiach, yeder einer darf machin zicher az de froiyin geit arois azoi vi Noshim Tzidkoniyos! Ubefrat Be'ir Hakodesh Lakevood! Vhoyo Machanechuh Kodoish!!

  32. If men can wear trashy clothing then why cant women . My husband chooses to dress like a shlub and shlump, leaving his shirt tail sticking out all the time . He hardly showers in the summers forget about the winter . Fails to use deodorant and refuses to brush his teeth or use mouth wash . You expect me to dress yeshivish too? RED IS THE WAY!

  33. FYI
    many members of the Lakewood PD have told me personally that they read the scoop to see whats going on in town. I would suggest that the comments be kept respectable.

  34. Rabbosai ich ken nisht masig zein az se-iz duh etlicheh menner vus kukin oif prusteh meidelach vus hut ungetun roiteh kle'der. V'lo sosuru acharei levavchem ve'acharei eineichem. Rabbosai mir halten mamish mei'chevlei Moshiach, yeder einer darf machin zicher az de froiyin geit arois azoi vi Noshim Tzidkoniyos! Ubefrat Be'ir Hakodesh Lakevood! Vhoyo Machanechuh Kodoish!!

  35. So is wearing a red garment considered like the scarlet letter or something? This must be a joke. And the comments here, they're laughable.

  36. as long as the tefilin are kosis leshmah its not a problem unless you are being motzi someone else in that cas even a blue shirt might be a problem

  37. i am having a very hard time understanding all the posts written by men who are concerned about the tznius of ladies. don't they realize that by them discussing in such detail what is permitted and what is not that this in itself is a major breach in tznius. i'm shocked appaled and disgusted.

  38. Why do you even allow comments?

    It is positively depressing to think that all these anonymous commenters might be my neighbors, relatives…

Comments are closed.