Readers’ Scoop: I Will Not Donate To Any Drunk Bachurim This Purim

To whom this may concern. As a Lakewood businessman who has donated quite a bit of money to multiple Yeshivas over the years on Purim, I’d like you – the administrator, Rebbe and Menahalim – to know the following, and I’m hoping other will follow suit.

Any Bachurim collecting who show up drunk to my home on Purim this year, will not be receiving a donation. In fact, they will be escorted out of my door quite quickly.

No, I’m not from another planet, and yes I was a Bachur too. But this new rule of mine comes after several unpleasant experiences.

In past years, I’ve answered the door to my home only to find young Bachurim so drunk, that when they started dancing around my home and left items ‘Tzebrochin’, they had not even realized what they’ve done.

And to make things worse, demonstrating their ‘Maalei Geirah’ talents due to the mixures of wines and other alcoholic beverages they consumed since Purim night, is not something my family needs to see.

So after seeing and experiencing what I have, I don’t think there’s much room left for blaming me for my seemingly-harsh stance.

I understand there’s a Mitzvah of Kol Haposhet Yad, but something tells me that the Mitzvah of getting drunk on Purim was not referring to those who the worst is brought out in them on this special day.

Therefore, I believe the only way to bring this ridiculous, Hefkeirus and foolish practice to an abrupt end, is by hitting them where it really counts.

A Freilichin Purim to all.

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  1. I am a local physician ( I do not work local, but live in town) and I normally give $3-$5,000 every purim, but I agree with the poster. I take this pledge to not give to any group that is clearly drunk. They break things, embaras themselves and scare my children.

  2. Great point and idea. I am signing up for this as well.

    If all adults who give out Tzedakah on Purim (and as it is a Mitzvah to, I imagine we all give out Tzedakah on Purim – how much we each can or do give is irrelevant) would sign up for this, we can END this narishkeit and health/physical hazard. Simchas Purim is not about how stoned a teenager can get.

  3. So what I understand is you enjoy showing off that u give $ but when they’re drunk they prob wouldn’t realize so that’s why you don’t give. The biggest mitzva of tzdakah is whens its hard to give so maybe think about it again be4 you don’t give drunk people $ a freilichen purim

  4. Sorry Nesanel, but if you think that you can put donors on a guilt trip to give when it pleases you, YOU ARE WRONG!!
    We give plenty of times, to plenty of people, when it is not easy but the point here is to discourage total hefkeirus. You can rest assured that this trend will grow and spread and any attempts to recreate what has been happening will be doomed to failure.
    Let us restore the true meaning and glory of Purim!!

  5. Oh and one more thing Nesanel. The OP is attempting to get the message out BEFORE Purim so that anyone that is planning on collecting should know and understand the consequences of their drinking. Lets see how L’shaim shomayim your collecting really is!

  6. #1 if you don’t give you are only punishing yourselves. #2 when you sit down and make a chesbon hanefesh that you are living your life exactly according to the dictates of the shulchan aruch and reguler mentchlichkait (I am not going to list examples….use your imaganation) then you can start making such importent pledges etc. (v’hanaven yoven)

  7. I too agree completely. I will BN not give any tzedaka to anyone who is inebriated. It is true that they break things and make fools of themselves. But the worst is the impression they make on my kids. If I allow such behavior in my house, I then am condoning it. I am telling my kids, it’s OK to drink till you’re drunk on Purim. It is OK to make a fool of yourself. This is not my hashkafa, and it’s not what I want my kids to learn.

    So, if you want a check for your yeshiva or mosad from me, show up dry.

  8. #3 if this is how drunk you are a week and a half before Purim – one can only imagine what you would be like on Purim itself. You totally missed the writers point which I think there is no one that can disagree with him.
    Why cant bochurim come (as some do) with a geshmuka vort on megillah or sing a song or something of that nature – it would be ‘mehane’ the person and his family and chances are you would get more money – and isnt that what your goal is. I know thats what I prefer more.

  9. I’m not able to give much anyway, but as I am a Rebbe, my students come to visit. One time a student was so drunk that he burned my living room carpet by lighting fireworks on it. I now warn them ahead of time that they are not allowed in my house drunk and not to even bother showing up because I do not want them around the rest of us like that.

    i have come across and in result had to deal with plenty of the drunk Bachurim and i can tell you the nasty “im king around here” attitudes, and generally rude behavior exhibited by these young men is appalling and would land any ordinary male in jail for publican intoxication.

    Some of these young men walk in the middle of the road on local streets, and when confronted by motor vehicles – instead of getting out of the roadway, they yell, and or loudly present their attitudes.

    I remember 2years ago, i was sitting in my vehicle outside a family member’s house in a neighborhood shared by both Frum and non-frum, i was berated by 3 Bachurim for not being Hasidic. They clearly were not in their right frame of mind, but being a level headed guy; i paid no attention. but if it was someone with no self control- a problem could have arisen.(and the Bachurim being drunk) could have landed them in handcuffs.

  11. I completely agree,I would like to add on something else,I never drink alcohol ever so as a result I’m always the elected 1 to drive family and friends home from vorts and weddings and party’s or any place that serves alcohol,I as well drive a whole bunch of yeshiva guys around on Purim for them to go collecting,I don’t mind the loud music or the yelling out the windows(not that they usually do) but the only rule I have is no open containers in the car,it is completely illegal and the last thing I need is big fat ticket or even arrested,nor do I want it spilled all over the place or broken glass,they know it’s illegal but sometimes they think because it’s Purim laws don’t have to be followed and I put them in their place very fast,as soon as I have them before we set out on the road I make that rule and I invite any person who has a problem with it to go with some other group,I have 15 years experience and I’m not going to let some immature 18 year old decide he’s going to do what he wants,because I always have 1 or 2 smart kids that will argue with me,for all the other drivers that do this as well I encourage you to do this as well,in the police eyes it is a serious thing and they are on the lookout for this as they should be,drive safe!


  13. I like this idea. Maybe we can give them a quarter to be יוצא the מצוה of כל הפושט יד.

    Bochurim: We expect your visits on Purim night, but you are there for the benefit of the Yeshiva or organization you represent. Don’t abuse your shlichus

  14. To add a little perspective, no one is saying don’t get drunk. There is a mitzva to get drunk on Purim, which can easily be mekuyem at the Purim seudah, which generally begins late Purim afternoon. Purim night (after megillah) is not the cue to start drinking.
    Collecting can be done Purim night and throughout Purim day (before the seudah), fully sober and with spirit, as befits a yeshiva bochur. Late Purim afternoon, in their parent’s home, or at the yeshiva’s mesibah, a bochur can drink “ad delo yada” and be mekayem the mitzvah without causing harm.

  15. Dear ANNON

    I wonder if the CAPITALS are being used because you’re trying to shout your opinion, or if you are already in the Purim drinking state. Either way it’s rude and obnoxious and surprising that TLS would even post your comment.

    As for the typical male bravado response of “it’s a mitzva” – it’s a mitzva to make a fool of yourself? It’s a mitzva to throw up on someone’s private property? It’s a mitzva to stand in the middle of the street and make a chilul Hashem?

    It amazes me how when it comes to certain ‘mitzvos’ there is a group of people who suddenly taka become tzdikei ha’dor. It would be gevadik if the concern for the hidur to get so stone that you cannot tell the difference not only between right and wrong would apply to other parts of their lives – bein adam l’chaveiro.

    Think before you spew your immature positions. And if you think I am wrong, go ask your mother.

  16. Like #18 says, noone is saying don’t get drunk. Even more so, note how no one said that they don’t like when boys get high. Its when their behavior is inappropriate that the problem begins.
    I was always told that ‘nichnas yayin, yetzei sod’, and that the way one acts when he is drunk shows who he really is. Why is it that the real mentshlich people get drunk and speak divrei torah, and others act like (moderated)?

  17. Please remember, that the legal age to drink alcohol is 21. It may be a mitzva and understood that it a religous holiday, but the police have the right to enforce the drinking age especially if you are intoxicated in public.

  18. I to will join and not give a penny under above mentioned situation. Nor will I continue to give to any yeshiva who allows smoking indoors of any part of a yeshiva including bathrooms. Smoking AFAIC is equal or perhaps worse then shikrus on purim

  19. Accvording to R Avigdor Miller ZT’L: in the Lithunian Yeshivoth of Europe those Bochrim who got drunk on purim were viewed with “utter contempt”!
    in the words of Rabbi Miller: Purim is a time to Gain Da’ath not to lose da’ath! listen to tape #500 titled ad Dlo Yodah, accordibnngly will not support anyone showing at my door or in Shul in a Drunk state.

  20. a bunch of immature drunkards literally wasting away purim by dropping all the potential ruchnioyos one can of the holiest days of the year..all so they feel goon amongst friends. what a one is saying not to drink-DRINK RESPONSIBLY THATS ALL!

  21. I think something important needs to be clarified here.

    People are in error when it comes to giving Tzedaka on Purim. Tzedaka is a Mitzva the entire year, not just on Purim. The special Mitzva on Purim is Matanos Lo’Evyonim. It is different than Tzedaka. It was instituted so that even poor people will be able to have a se’uda.

    There is also the additional item mentioned in the Gemara of “Kol Haposhet Yad Nosnim Lo”, which is also refering to Matanos Lo’Evyonim. The reason, Rashi explains, is that we don’t do any checking on Purim to see if the person really needs the funds. We just gives if he asks.

    Therefore, in order to fulfill the obligation of Matanos Lo’Evyonim we need to give to a POOR PERSON, not to an organization or Yeshiva etc. Giving to those Mosdos is certainly a Big Mitzva and is exemplary Tzedaka… BUT it is NOT Matanos Lo’Evyonim. In addition there is no such thing as Kol Haposhet etc EXCEPT for the ONI HIMSELF. Someone collecting “on behalf” of the poor person is not included. Certainly no Mosad is included.

    So while Purim collecting has become the “in” thing these days, we should not misrepresent what is being done. It is simply (?) Tzedaka Collecting Day. (Perhaps analagous to Machtzis HaShekel for the Bedek HaBayis in days of yore.) In fact I think that all this focus on collecting harms the ones whom Chazal were trying to help. The limited amount (and it is limited) available is being “diverted” and split up among all the collectors. Meanwhile the really poor person who could use every penny either is given a smaller amount (i.e. there are those who give more to a group and less to an individual) or sometimes shut out altogether (the giver is fed up with being overrun by the unruly groups who charge in to his house etc.).

    So for those who want to give Tzedaka on Purim to everyone go right ahead. For those who want to give Matanos Lo’Evyonim and also follow the rule of Kol Haposhet etc. make sure you really are doing so.

    Just my thoughts. Ah Freilichen Purim.

  22. i thank the scoop for posting this

    i noticed the comments that disagreed with the poster all seemed to be angry and they are doing you a favor by alowing you to give them money i wonder why that might be? maybe so they wont have to say thank you?

    if someone can clarify for me on purim day we have 3 mitzvos the mitzvah of tzedaka on purim day is to give poor people (aniyim) were do schools building campaigns car rentals for dates etc… come in

  23. Hey, what happened to “Live and let live”????????????????????????

    I am not condoning drunkenness. But remember, you guys are the same ones that told us that we should let everyone do zumba and dress without tznius and “live and let live”. Suddenly now you will not give money to someone who is drunk, because you think you need to change the world to your way of thinking. It’s important to continue to point out your hypocrisy.

  24. One more thing to mention.
    A few years ago a bochur in an out-of-town Yeshiva got so stoned on Purim that he DIED r”l. The levaya was on Shushan Purim.
    Also a young under bar-mitzva boy was served alcohol on Purim with tragic results….
    Have we forgotten so soon???
    Your actions have consequences!!!
    Just for that alone, drinking on Purim for teenagers (and younger!) needs to be FORBIDDEN.
    It starts out looking cute but G-d forbid ends horribly.
    We MUST stop this once and for all….

  25. This is an awesome post and I thank TLS, once again, bringing a serious issue to everyone’s attention.
    After Purim, BE/H, we need to turn our focus to Thursday night beer and cholent farbrengs, Friday night sholom zochors, Shabbos morning kiddushim, Simchas Torah and all the other excuses in-between.
    My wife and I recently ate the Shabbos morning seudoh at a friend. In the middle of the seudoh, close to 1pm, a thirty-something and forty-something, married men, came to the house within a few minutes of each other. Both were drunk and were finishing making their rounds of kiddushim. I asked both if their wives and children weren’t waiting for them. They said they were but, “It’s OK.”
    Roshei yeshiva, dorm counselors and baalei simcha need to be vigilant in these troubling times when people of all ages are trying to drown their difficulties instead of finding ways to address them, however hard that may be.

  26. 1st all rich people as a bucher my self I agree with you all there is no mitzva to drink at night but it is hard to collect if your totally sober so if you take a few shots ok but just to get you in a happy and geshmaka mood but to do hefkeris that’s uncalled for and a chillel hashem and I myself when I collect for my yeshiva my group always makes the most money bc we are all normal we ask if we could dance when we walk in we are nice to them for what ever you can give if the give a dollar and last year they gave you 100 you don’t know what’s going on by him this year if he is doing well this year so don’t say you gav me a hundred last year so give it to me this year also and so if everyone listens to this message then I bench evryone to make as much money as yet could and to have a frailichin Purim enjoy and be safe

  27. To Nesanel, Annon and your ilk:
    You are assumedly of those that believe retching your guts out on Purim is the Mehadrin min Ha’Mehadrin of AAd D’Loh Yada or you are gullible beyond belief.
    You see, these well meaning individuals aren’t boasting about the money they donate nor are they suggesting that we abolish a time honored mitzvah. Rather they are trying to spare parents and their young ones the anguish of being rushed to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped! Or worse… But you people probably knew that… You are just lifelong members of the “Frumkeit is besser fun Mentchlechkeit” genre.

  28. And to “LOL”:

    While I have a knack for being cynical myself your asinine comment belongs on a different site, but not here. The issue is well worth the discussion but your humor is grossly misplaced. As one commentator stated earlier, how many tragedies came about due to unsupervised drinking on Purim.

  29. And when you get arrested for under aged drinking and the parents are held libel for the damage, you going to scream the police should be doing something else, and not pick on us!!

  30. It’s about time we realize how degrading yiddeshe kinderlich can act on one of the holiest days of the year. Yes – we have to be extra happy and drink wine BUT we have to REMENBER we are YIDDISHA KINDERLACH and to behave as our “FATHER HASHEM” is watching us. This goes for everyone including the ones that choose to drink till full intoxication. Giving tzedakah is ones choice, and behaving appropriately is a must.

  31. Great idea ! I will be doing the same If u work in drunk u will be escorted out and If your the one who serves wine to miners I hope your kids give u back what your doing to the others

  32. So basically what your saying is that you were never a bachur and you never drank. Or is it that you had a hard year financially and what better way to save face than to spew the old “No drinking on Purim” mantra because I am sure that you mister big gevirs rant on the scoop is really going to change the way bachurim have been (you and I included)and will continue to enjoy their purim. Have a great and wonderful Purim!!
    If your so disgusted theirs always running away to Florida

  33. I have always had trouble with how Purim is ‘celebrated’. RAMBAM clearly states that it is IMPOSSIBLE to do a mitzvah if shikkur, and we have MANY that we are REQUIRED to do on Purim Day (none-the-less Purim night, when NO permission to drink exists).

    It is not up to any one of us to decide what someone else should do UNTIL the line is crossed on chillul haShem, pkuach Nefesh, etc.

    Anyone who feels it is a great mitzva to become completely shikkur the night of Purim and to spend the entire next day trying to outdo the previous night, please try the following this year: Two or three days after you have recovered from your “hiddur mitzva” please visit the children’s ward in Memorial Sloan and/or the same area of any hospital. A few hours spent in CHOP, Sloan, Cornell should add to your desire to be “hiddur mitzva” but I have the feeling it may be hiddur OTHER mitzvos than this.

    Note that being disgusted by someone’s inappropriate behavior does NOT mean running away to Florida. Note that someone speaking in shul is NOT supposed to be rewarded for that behavior. (And I’m NOT speaking of a shikkur, just someone who thinks others come their to hear HIM (since he IS a cheleck Elokus)).

    JUST THINK: even in the absolute WORST case scenario there are only about Chai years left until Moshiach (as the Bais HaMikdash must be standing and ‘running’ for 210 years prior to year 6000 according to sifre Kaballah).

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