Readers’ Scoop: Apples Don’t Fall Far From The Tree

baseballDear Editor, 
I am in pain for my ten year old son. On our block, we have a baseball game where most of the boys play on a regular schedule. I say most, because my son is not invited to the game, instead is told “You are just not good enough”. What shocked me though, was the response from one of the parents. When I approached one of the parents to speak to her about her child’s behavior in this situation, her response was “Let him play with the 6 year olds”. Yes, that is what I was told. This blew my mind.

I remember when growing up, we had to include all the kids and always made up positions to accommodate those children.

I try to instill confidence into my kids, but what do you think this has done to my child?

I came home and cried.

What is the message you are conveying to your children?  
Thank you TLS for allowing me to vent.

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44 COMMENTS

  1. i am sick out of my mind that a parent has such guts to say such a thing. where is the achdus, that’s why there is such yeridas hadoros on this generation oy it hurts

  2. baseball is a game if evry kid is welcomed then it is not competetive
    If you find that your kid must play baseball to get self confedense
    well walk over to your back yard and practice with him

  3. u should be ashamed. if it’s just a game… skip it!! What about caring for a fellow yid’s feelings?!?!!?

    Do you want EVERYONE young & old to be callous to others feeling just as long as they score points in their baseball game?!?!?!

    WHAT A STRIKE in attitude!

  4. I totally disagree with the writer, baseball is not a game at all if played with kids of totally different levels, in school-YES, you have to all play and play together but in your neighborhood- if he isnt good then TEACH him how to play or teach him how to play something which is easier than BB which is very very hard to learn!!!!!!!!!!

  5. I’m sorry that happend to your son. Perhaps there are other boys he can play with? Perhaps another sport? I put my son in Karate.

    If I may, I think your Husband needs to “step up to the plate” and speak to those parents who were rude to you.

  6. please dont feel hurt, this was not meant against you or you son personally. This is the rampant problem that we have in this town.

    I have been rejected by 13 play groups for my daughter because we have a TV in our house. We were told the other parents would be concerned that she would talk to them about the cartoons she watches and they would then ask to get a TV too.

    I feel your pain. My wife feels your pain. My daughter, unfortunately will feel this pain soon when she is rejected from playing with the other kids on the block because we are the black sheep of the neighborhood.

    True, lakewood is a great place of torah, but it is unfortunate that it has become so sterile and single tracked, that anyone who does not fit the mold exactly of what a lakewood yid should be, is shunned and rejected.

  7. I feel bad what hapened to the boy, and the other parent shouldve have said she will see what she can do… I have seen boys play in the parks and playing”by invitation only” It does get very competitive, so yes I have encouraged my boys to practice and play but if your son ends up getting into their game, he will LOOSE ALL HIS SELF CONFIDENCE because chances are he will strike out and no one will want him on their team and he will be made fun on (unfortunately…). but middos have to be worked on by all…

  8. My two cents: let your kid find his own way if your kid is to grow up to be a man not a wimp let HIM learn to prove himself. A parent shouldent have to force their kid into a game. Unless your concerns about EXESSIVE bullying stay away.

  9. @Tyrone: EXCESSIVE bullying?

    You mean to say there is some amount of bullying that is acceptable as long as it’s not EXCESSIVE? Is it your position that every individual or group who is oppressed, discriminated against, or otherwise excluded should just accept it and “make his own way”?

  10. I feel the same way as the writer.

    We have tried numerous times through neighboring parents to help out a bit with these type of issue. The excuse is always the same “we don’t get involved with our kids play” FYI we are talking about 8 year olds.
    A quick message to those parents if you don’t get involved with your kids- please don’t get involved with my kids either and skip your comments and criticisms.

  11. A little bullying is ok and normal it helps build your childs chracter. Same as the occasional scraped knee… A lesson for life wipe away the tears and move on

  12. My friends and I (3rd graders) were playing punchball and Tyrone wanted to join our game. We told him he talks too much and is always arguing on every play. Besides, we said, that’s not even your real name. After 2 days of nudging, we relented and let Tyrone play. Maybe if we would have not given in, Tyrone would have learned some life lesson.

  13. I feel sick from reading this and those who defend this rude behavior. Maybe to the umos Haolam, a game is a serious thing. But by us, we are first and for most rachmanim, bayshanim and gomlei chasadim.

  14. There is more problems on the internet than there is on TV, so before you tell someone to get rid of the TV, why dont you toss your internet?

  15. Sense when do KIDS need an INVITATION to play with other kids, may kids play outside and your kids don’t even speak to my kids that RUDE BEHAVIOR WHAT YOU TEACHING YOUR KIDS AT HOME. RUDE RUDE RUDE

  16. i just signed up my son to a group for ten year olds that will be playing sundays in pine park, they supposedly will have a professional sportsteacher to help out and make those that are not that good feel involved and improve on their skills.
    my other son goes to a friday baseball groups that starting in pine park soon too.
    you should look into these options

  17. I have no doubt that the child (or children) of such a parent that can say such a thing, is not one of those kids that you (or I) would want around our kids!!!! Sucha parent is not raising a normal child! They are raising animals. I’ll bet that if you follow the next few years of this childs growth you will see another case of a kid going off! with such disgustingparents there is no way a child can grow up normal

  18. tyrone if your childs rebbe would say “your kid dont belong in my class he just not bright he doesnt have it” how would you react

    Yes i play with him try to boost his image but one thing i can honestly tell this will not happen with my kids they know how to treat other no they are not perfect but just to reject him out right will not happen

  19. While you are right, that the mother shouldn’t have been so dismissive of the situation. There will always come a time where the children will want to have more competitive games. I’m guessing that your son is 9 years old. At that age the comptetive nature shouldn’t be in high gear (but it will certainly be there by 11-12). This is a problem, however without knowing the particulars, most probably your son isn’t one of the chevra, or they wouldve have included him anyway..so working on him to be more active is important for his self esteem and his standing amongst his peers. I know its crazy..maybe get him a fancier bike, or a fancy scooter. to help get him more accepted in his circles. Another idea would be to buy him a good glove or softball or bases, something that the kids would want to use for their game, this way he will be included.

    Playing and practicing with the kid can also help..1- to build up his skills and confidence..2- when the other kids see him playing baseball, they will view him as a player…wha most likely is the case in thier eyes, is they see him as a “non-player” therefore they dont include him..

    Anyhow i’m rambling now..this isn’t excusing the other mom, but rather trying to give advice for your kids future success. We must all daven..it isn’t easy watching our kids go through life..we always want to jump in and protect them when people act nasty to them..somehow we hope that they will take lessons and become more resilient and resolute.

    good shabbos.

  20. I would send a cake to the mother and buy the son a present. What a wonderful job they did for you. I constantly daven that my children should not be associated with people with substandard middos, so that they shouldn’t have an effect on my kid. If only i could get every kid with bad middos to reject my kid – Great!
    The only problem is dealing with your child’s feeling of rejection – but there are ways.

  21. If our torahdiga ppl are rejecting our children, Y shouldnt our children reject each other?? Y do we want our kids to be better than us??

  22. i’m sorry that this happened to you. i am very sensitive to how children play with each other. therefore there is a “no leaving out” rule in my house. everyone gets to play and everyone must share of whatever it is the kids are busy with. i can’t force my neighbors to do the same, (and most people do not) but i think its very important to instill this sensitivity in one’s children from early on.
    i agree with poster above to acquire the stuff that will help your child break in to the group. i also try to be attuned to what the kids are “into” so my kid is caught up.(within reasonable limits). i do not run out to buy the latest gadget or toy, but the things that better enables my child to be “a part of things” ie if all the kids are biking together he needs a bike. if the kids like baseball, get him a glove/bat. this will give your child a step up into participating with his peers.

    find other kids if possible…i do encourage mine to just stay away from bullies. and deliberately excluding a specific child from group play is also a form of bullying.

  23. When I was in 3rd grade I was one of the kids who the “in” kids made up a position so I can join their game. My one at bat I tripled in the winning run (I remember it like it was yesterday….. 25 years ago)
    I won over the kids in my class, and was welcomed to the elite “in” chevra, with open arms.
    Even with decent kids with decent Middos, your son still has to prove that he belongs.

  24. Believe me as. A kid I have experienced some bullying and I think kids above ten should be more sensetive I know kids in eighth who are babies and babies must learn mussar

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