Dear Scoop readers, I’m curious to know where the recent Minhag of these extravagant Chanukah gifts and theme came from?
In my days (and I’m approximately 30), we sat on the floor and played Dreidel with Chanukah Gelt.
As if the Afikomen gifts weren’t enough, today, mothers are frantically running from store to store in search of that perfect Chanukah present for each kid, and then piling them up near the Menora ahead of Chanuka (based on the photos going around my friends and family chats), and making sure they of course match the party themes.
And then, the next day in school, children in school are simply embarrassed if they don’t have the latest fad to show off to the class.
I’m not looking to be a party killer, I’m all for a good time and all, but didn’t this get a bit out of hand?
Devorah C.,
Lakewood.
(TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to [email protected])
Most kids dont bring their chanuka presents to school and the things that are a fad are usually cheap, for example a fidget spinner.
When I was a kid I’m abt 34 we got Chanukah presents and if you think it’s a silly thing to spend money and time on then don’t just because everyone else is doing doesn’t mean you have to
That’s because the community of Lakewood today has changed to a town of people devoted to a life of today and ruchnius with simplicity and instead is now a city of luxury with the fanciest restaurants and expensive ladies clothing stores.
So now all products of life including gifts and fancy simchas expectations have gone up
These Are not the original Lakewooders that are buying these expensive Chanukah gifts unless pressured by out of towners neighbors.
Have a freilichen Chanukah everyone
Well if Chris can have gifts under the Xmas tree, then why can’t Chaim have next to his menorah? I mean just imagine what a beautiful Instagram post it would make. (sarcasm emphasized)
I personally buy each kid one Chanukah gift that is not extravagant but makes them satisfied that they got sonething. I do find that this need to go all out and pile on the gifts comes from people who felt ‘lacking’ as kids. This is based on conversations I’ve had with some of these very people.
You are 6,000% correct. I could be your mother (in age). The minhag is Chanukah Gelt, not all these extravagant presents and big sums of money.
To the person who says kids don’t bring their presents to school – while you may be right, but it sure is talked about in school. I hear from my grandchildren what their peers are getting.
Parents and grandparents who still know the right way, have to be strong and able to instill the right priorities in their children.
A freilechen Chanukah to all. Let everyone see the light and stop this insanity.
I’m 33 and always got Chanukah presents growing up, so it’s not exactly a “new phenomenon “. And we were middle class not poor but definitely not wealthy either.
We don’t give chanuka gifts, I don’t think my kids are deprived at all!!!! I never received any and didn’t feel any less because of it. My children do get chanuka gelt from grandparents though.
This has nothing to do with living in Lakewood. Its the same people who buy luxurious clothes, cars, eat out etc and have the need to buy extravagant gifts. I’m living in Lakewood for 20 years bh, and have never had the need to buy the above, even if I could afford it. If you are happy with who you are, you don’t have a need for these “outside” things to make you happy! (and ch’v that you shouldn’t be happy!!)
We always gave our children some simple inexpensive gifts and had a family get together. Chanuka gift giving has become more out of hand, more like the non Jewish holiday. I think the minhag is to give Chanuka gelt and play dreidel.
Although gashmiyus in Lakewood is spiraling out of control, Chanukah gifts are not a new thing. I am in my 60s and have been living in Lakewood over 40 years. There were always those who gave Chanukah gifts and those who didn’t. In this case, it’s not the luxury part that bothers me. It’s the fact that giving Chanukah gifts is totally an imitation of Xmas gifts. I actually did occasionally buy my kids Chanukah gifts until it hit me how this was totally a goyish custom and now I stick to Chanukah gelt for my kids and aineklach.
I’m 35 and we got Chanuka presents as a kid only it wasn’t such a competition because we had no whatsapp or even digital photos.
We also didn’t take fancy proposal pictures or ‘chat’ with men. Social media plays a large part in the need to show off and other ills of our generation. BTW ‘piling them up near the Menora ahead of Chanuka’ is obviously just for a nice pic to send around – the inside can be empty unless you need an ‘opening the presents shot.’
The increase in gashmeius today is a whole ‘nother issue for a different time…
Maybe they got it from us?
The “minhag” I instituted in my house was to first give out dollar coins after Chanukah licht, then ask if anyone wanted to buy gifts from my “Chanukah store” with the Chanukah gelt I had just distributed. They always eagerly spent their Chanukah gelt on the choice of presents (which they appreciated,as opposed to money, which the younger ones certainly didn’t understand to appreciate).
I still do this with my grandchildren, today.
Where I grew up in Bergen County, we (and all the Jewish families did the same) received a gift on each night of Chanukah. It was in direct response to living in a predominately Christian neighborhood and public schools where Christmas gifts received by our friends. I’m not sure why Lakewood families would feel pressured to provide gifts, unless this is their family’s tradition.
(based on the photos going around my friends and family chats) that sentence is the real issue. Do we really have to live up to everyone elses pictures?!!!! Do you wake up every morning and check first if everyone else woke up first? Whats on the menu tonight? Gotta first check what Ruchy and Malky are making will let you know soon……… Get off social media and start living your own life!
I always got money from grandparents but my kids only get gifts. That are worth less than the money I used to get. And I’m older than you. And I grew up in Lakewood. Maybe you’d think I give my kids extravagant gifts. I enjoy giving them gifts and chanuka is one of my favorite times of year. I have fun shopping for them. I don’t think they ever bring their gifts in to school. Why do you care? I don’t have a lot of children and this makes me happy.
idk where you come from but most people i know dont have pressure to buy their kids fancy chanukah presents.
A reasonable person would explain to her kids that different families celebrate differently. If the letter writer is having difficulty controlling her feelings about social media photos from her friends she should tell them about it like an adult. If that still doesn’t work for her perhaps social media just isn’t her cup of tea and she should restrict her own usage. That’s adult behavior.
Think about Christians this time of year also. My sister has 5 kids and 12 grand kids. How do you shop for all of them? I always feel guilty if I don’t do a big thing for our kids and grandchildren. I really want to scale down. Kids have so much these days. It’s just hard to scale down. Anyway, happy and safe holidays to all!
Forgot to add. I loved those chocolate coins. Gave them to my kids stockings every Christmas when they were little. Do they still make them?
When I grew up no one got gifts as we all came from Israeli parents who only knew about giving gelt. Even though my parents weren’t religious they refused to give us presents because they saw it as a copying Xmas (which it is!). For years I refused to give my kids gifts but all their friends get and I guess I fell into it and now can’t stop doing it.
At woodstock: Yes check any kosher supermarket this time of year and you will find lots of chocolate coins! Happy holidays!
Didnt write for a few weeks so now I will put in my two cents agree with # 4 ,wanted to say myself that the presents around the CHANUKAH LIGHTS remind me about the presents around the Xmas tree LEHAVDL. Also agree completely with # 6 , I happen to think that by spoiling our kids we are not doing them any favor . Everybody seems to be mentioning their age in these comments, Well I am not doing it suffice to say that I was born before world war two, and we used to play dreidel I believe it was for groshen[ this equals to pennies,] And mother ALEHA HASHOLEM used to make potato latkies, That was the best treat, Have a very freilachn gutn Chanuka, KLal Yisroel,
Chanukah “Gelt” is an old Yiddishe minhag. Chanukkah “Presents” is totally goyish and taken directly from Xmas Presents. So, go ahead, give gelt, but dont give presents.
This “Blame the Out of Towner” mentality has got to stop. The gashmius problem transcends all types in klal yisroel with few exceptions. It is very much rampant in the “Lakewood Yeshivish” or whatever label you want to use as well. Everyone needs to be wearing Brooks Brothers, CT shirts…also just ask anyone with a daughter in shidduchim what boys are silently demanding in terms of support from potential in-laws.
I am an out of towner and don’t consider myself so outlandish and I choose to live this way. My Chanukah and clothing shopping is limited to black Friday and cyber Monday and that’s it! My children look good and are happy with what they get. Honestly, I almost never buy my family new clothing for Yom Tov because we are broke after all the necessary expenses, while there are many among us, yeshivish and not, who go into debt to dress our kids in European style clothing. Out of town, Modernish, Yeshivish…it doesn’t matter! a shter in a midah in one of us impacts us all!!