Reader-submitted: I feel wronged, misled and taken advantage of

opinionTwo years ago I went through the application process for a school for my daughter. My husband and I put a lot of thought into this decision, basing our selection on a few practical and important points. We very much wanted to send to an old time, established school for various reasons – some of which included the experience of the staff, the way the school is run, the type of students they produced, and also – practically speaking – the school is very close to where I live and several neighbors and family members send to that school.

As the weeks went by, we were being asked and then pressured to send to a newer, smaller school located across town. We were told that it’s very important that we help support this newer Mosad, and by us sending our daughter there, it will help bring the crowd the school was looking for.

I expressed my hesitation with this choice – less experience, small school size, and no neighbors or relatives were sending there…but I was told by those involved I would never lack for anything in this school. I was told to take the leap of faith, and I will never regret it. As the pressure mounted, we gave in to feel like we’re doing our part in helping establish another school and we hesitantly enrolled our daughter there.

Now, as I look out my window every morning and afternoon, and see all girls from the larger, more established schools standing at the bus stop waiting for their buses, I feel wronged, misled and taken advantage of.

My husband and I both work. I had to cut my hours now to do carpool every day, as I have no neighbors or family members to carpool with. The route takes me approximately 45 minutes each way, twice a day. The situation is beyond frustrating. When I called the same people who told me I would never lack anything in a small school, and told them I’m now lacking busing, the answer I got was ‘so are many other families’.

This year, I have to once again go through the application process for my son. I will be insisting and fighting to get into an established, experienced large yeshiva, and will not agree to help establish a newer school. I will be sending where – and I quote, ‘so are many other families’.

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  1. Just my opinion: If you’re basing the education of your children on your busing frustration levels, you may want to reevaluate your priorities.

  2. Sadly, the poster is 100% right. For some reason, the bigger, established schools got busing while the newer, smaller schools did not. The fact that we are entering the 4th month of school and hundred of Mommies are still doing carpool is absolutely unacceptable. I would have said to do like we did a few yrs ago when some girls didnt have a school: No School opens till every school has busing. Period. End of story.

  3. Rule #1
    if you don’t have shalom bayis, yishuv hadas and menuchas hanefesh, you won’t be able to parent well. Period.
    Puuuuhhhhhleeeeaaaseee. do you think that a girl will learn ten more pesukim and halachos will make her a better yarei shamayim and baalos middos, or a home where there is love, calm and contentment?
    All the schools are basically the same. yes there are differences. But really?! Have we become micro analysts of people? Ingantzen meshuga!
    Do what ever it takes to make you happy as a couple and spouse and your chances of better parenting will increase tenfold!
    Living outside of Lakewood, i cannot tell you how kinderish you come across as. You have everything the best. The best.
    Best…………… schools, kollels, cars, homes, mortgage rates, shuls, rabbonim, stores, tznius etc. You name it!
    Step back and be thankful!

  4. Next year bid out the busing to ONE company only, conditional on taking all routes, profitable and not. We may need an out of state bus company to accommodate our needs but it can be done. If the bid is higher than our budget at that point we consider charging everyone the difference. It’s either that or the taxes would go up regardless, if the board of ed did this.

  5. Would you be less betrayed misled etc if your desired school opened a new branch because they had no room. Everything would be OK because your kid if wearing the”right” uniform.

  6. I’ve been saying this for a while. 2 years ago we all sat in traffic to protest the potential lack of bussing for nonmandated children. We were told that the askanim felt this was the best course of action. My mandated child does not have bussing and nobody cares. The big schools have been taken care of. I was totally misled. There was no concern for nonmandated childrenn. The concern was for the big schools.

  7. My opinion be happy you got into a school at all . Not everyone does . I moved to Jackson No busses . And really try for the school you want …don’t let anyone convince you where to send .. people have motivations for telling you to send to a school that you may not know about or agree with . And I think the schools are all different . I have been more than happy with Bais Faiga …big well run organized school . I also sent to a smaller girls school years ago and I am much happier in the bigger school . I find the highschool situation much more difficult ….

  8. I would send to a small school where the staff actually knows my child and no just what’s in my bank account rather than have bussing! Rather a proper chinuch then no chinuch with a bus!

  9. I don’t get the flow of this article. You don’t seem to be unhappy about your daughter school, so that shouldn’t be part of the equation.

    THE WAY THE BUSING WAS HANDLED WAS WRONG. PERIOD Large schools should not have been able to monopolize the available busing (we are told their is a shortage of drivers), for their courtesy students, while mandated students did not have busing.

  10. to #12: you are 100% right. I have been saying this all along. The protest of the lack of non mandated busing was a protest for the lack of busing for some students in the big schools. No one is protesting the lack of mandated busing for my children. To all parents applying to school, push until you get into a big school and don’t let them say the small schools are just as good. They are very good but they don’t have the power of the big schools to get you busing and it will cost you a lot of money, maybe your job and emotional stability. I wouldn’t want to be in the shoes of those who worked it out to have busing for the big schools by taking away the busing from mandated children. And to anyone who criticizes the comments of people in pain, the only way we can judge you favorably is to assume you have FREE busing for your children and you simply do not understand the suffering of those who don’t have busing.

  11. Unfortunately we have big problems in Lakewood. Sorry you got caught in this particular problem. I Bless you this should be the worst problems you have raising your children. You never know what this is saving you from. I pray every child in Lakewood get bussing this week. And you should never have any problems the rest of your life. Lets not forget we are in galus in other words every yid is going to have problems. This is the cost of galus.

  12. My daughter is in a new school and the school purchased and arranged vans to bring the girls. The teachers and menaheles have over 20 years of experience so nothing is new or experimental. My daughter is more than just 1 out of 1000’s of girls and she and we are thrilled with the new school.

    My son on the other hand is in an established large school. He has no busing and it’s much harder to connect with a member of the hanhalla who actually knows my son personally.

    Stop being jealous of older schools. They are not necessarily better!

  13. I send to a small school and shuttle 4 children daily both ways and even though it’s very frustrating to be doing that, I’m thrilled to be sending to this school. It’s small that my children get the attention they need to thrive and succeed. One has nothing to do with the other. Everything that happens, challenges etc is coming directly from Hashem. Stop being bitter and work on your bitachon. Whatever Hashem does is ALWAYS good, even if we don’t understand.

  14. My older daughter goes to a small school and sometimes has and sometimes does not have busing (the sometimes kicked in early November). I carpool with parents in my neighborhood whose kids go to schools nearby (Oak Street area). Yes it takes a bit longer but it is only once a week, not every day and sometimes kids are late because of the school schedule. Look at your specific situation and be flexible and creative. My cousin does morning carpool with (oh my gosh) little boys and girls (mixed). My boss told me he was driving his son to minyan every morning and needed to switch his minyan because he wasn’t making it back in time. I told him to make a meeting place with the other parent drivers, it’ll save time a few days a week. There are options, get friendly with your neighbors and broaden your horizons. Most of all good luck and know this too shall pass and know this is not just a small school problem – I carpool with kids from larger well established schools & remember to use the time in the car productively, talk to your kids, pick out music (I know it’s not easy in the morning to be chipper, but kids mimic their parents moods). You are amazing parent and care about your daughter, but thinking her slighted because you are not getting what you want is only going to exacberate an already difficult situation for you.
    My younger daughter only has busing to and not from and it took us months to organize a formal carpool, so yes I know it’s not easy. With my boys I have it easier (b”h now they have busing), I sent them with extra snack packs and told the school I will get them as soon as I can, after my other carpool and pickups.

  15. To the commenter who’s nickname is “Is Sushi Shehakol”: Rabbi Belsky Zatzal held that the rice is always a Toful and the Beracha is always on the inside (usually Shehakol). He based this on the mentality of Japanese who only used the rice as a vessel. Feel free to ask your own Rabbi though.

  16. Laizer, please, we are more than hospitable. That doesn’t mean it’s ok to have terrible urban planning (or lack thereof). Learn gemara – it’s right in there. And now you’re all complaining about it.

  17. I have been saying this for a while! Agree 100%
    We send to the new smaller skools and we now suffer without bussing
    We are treated like second class citizens
    And honestly NOONE REALLY CARES

  18. Mandate? Religious schools should pay for their own bussing like every private (non public) school. Lakewood students going to public school have no choice in going to another school thats smaller, withing walking distance, and has a great student to teacher ratio. They get the same established school that has been offered by the township. Send your childern to Lakewood public schools. There is mandated bussing for free.
    Lazier, the way that houses are built there will be no natural trees or habitat left very much like Sodom.
    i pray this is the worst trouble you encounter.

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