Rav Moshe Shternbuch was asked (1:156) if it is permissible to have a Bas Mitzva party for a girl. He said that it is known that the reform movement throws a big party for a girl just like they do for a boy. This is absolutely forbidden for two reasons. First of all it is something new that was not done by previous generations. Secondly, since the whole purpose is to equate women and men, it is forbidden.
However he says, although it is not his custom to hold any celebration for the occasion, in places where a party is customary, it would be permissible if it was only for a few friends and just for females, since it in no way is meant to imitate a Bar Mitzva. In cases like that, since it is not a public celebration, there is no need to protest.
In fact he says, a party has a positive upside in that it will remind the girl that she is now Bas Mitzva and she is obligated in mitzvos like any other adult. He is only saying that in Eretz Yisroel it is not the custom, but a fuss should not be made if someone does have a party.
My daughters’ bas mitzva celebration consisted of a seuda for grandparents, parents, and siblings & the bas mitzva girl was required to say a d’var Torah which I helped her prepare.
When I was a girl many of my friends had a party to which they’d invite the whole class (or some of the class). I personally opted not to have such a party, but, we were all from frum homes and no one thought it was wrong. (they weren’t fancy affairs, just a friends get together with deli food and games). When my daughters were bas mitzva, they’d invite a few friends for a Shabbos afternoon party. I don’t see anything wrong with commemorating a bas mitzva with a simple party for the baalas simcha and her friends and or family. As to boy’s bar mitzva celebrations, I think they also ought to be simple and not on the scale of a chasuna. We catered our own bar mitzvas, cooking the food ourselves and renting an affordable hall, and doing all the setting up, serving and cleanup ourselves. They didn’t break the bank and the tefilin cost more than the seuda.
Reb. Moshe writes along these lines.
…and what is his opinion of a “gala” party for a boy?
Isn’t a gala really inappropriate for both? Shouldn’t a more reasonable celebration be in order for both cases? We are celebrating the same thing in both cases, so shouldn’t the “allowability” of celebration be the same?
So far, with 2 girls and one boy reaching that stage in life, we’ve held 2 open houses for the girls – one shalosh se’udot and one Purim se’udah – and a melave malka at shul for the boy. We’ve had a shabbat kiddush for all 3. We also did a siyum for one of the girls and my son, along with a chesed project for all 3 (blood drive, community tehillim, and tzedakah project as parts of the various celebrations). I”YH we will be able to similar things for my other 2 daughters.
Way less expensive than gala celebrations – way more meaningful.
Technically, since the Aramaic is used in the term “Bar” Mitzvah for a boy, should not the proper title be “Bratt” Mitzvah, instead of “Bas” Mitzvah, for a girl? ( The Aramaic for son is “Bar” and for daughter is “Bratt”.)
if equality is a problem then why do women do anything that a man does?
We are celebrating the same thing in both cases, so shouldn’t the “allowability” of celebration be the same?
Incorrect. A boy starts wearing Tefilin and doing many more Mitzvas as a Bar Chiyuva (V’Godol H’Mituva…) than a girl .
well said
maybe lets hear y a father doesn’t make a baruch shepotrany by a daughter I was told ayin the minchas chinuch I’m not sure where does anyone know the answer
While I respect your religious beliefs, woman should be give equality and treated more than just a possession.
Secondly,since the whole purpose is to equate woman and men
You have one in the singular and one in the plural. It should be either “woman and man” or “women and men”. Please correct this syntax, as it is causing me physical pain.
Says who?
what’s the issue ? God made boys and girls different! We should not try to make them the same. They are not. They have different roles in life and when one tries to tell a female “be like a male”, they are in fact degrading her
#7
My point was the acceptance of mitzvot – not which mitzvot are incumbent on the different genders.
to #10
Equality in the secular sense is against our belief. Women are not less than men nor are they treated like posessions, We just have different roles and different obligations and that is why equality that secular society espouses is wrong because women can not do what men do and men cannot do what women can (in regard to certain mitzvot)
The girl reaches a special milestone in her life at her bas-mitzva and I think it should be commemorated, even if done in a small way.
Funny thing I am letting my 12yr old girl have a sleep over with her whole class. They will make homemade pizza and a project for sick kids in our community. Personally I am not looking forward to it, however its cheaper then what my wife wanted.
It is brought down in Halacha that one SHOULD make a party on the Bar Mitzvah Day just as one would make on a wedding day. So if you downsize the wedding then you downsize the bar mitzvah. But if you make a GALA wedding then a GALA bar mitzvah is in order.
in out of town locations it is customary to have an affair for women of the community to celebrate a teens bas mitzvah- yes frum orthodox yeshiva community. its usulay a sunday afternoon brunch and there are devrei torah including the Rabbis wife or one of the local woman teachers addressing the gathering.
its not blown out of proportion and nor is millions (or hundreds of thousands) spent on any of our BAT or BAR mitzvos as is customary on the Reform and/or Conservative movement.
#18
Specific source please.