Rav Avigdor Miller on Shidduch Advice (For A Bochur)

Q: If I’m having trouble finding a shidduch, what advice can you give me?

A: Now we have to ask a couple of questions. First of all, do you have employment? If you’re not making a living then you won’t find a shidduch. If you’re a young man in the early twenties and you’re a yeshiva man, a good learner, then you’re sure to find a shidduch, no question about it. But suppose you’re not a learner – if you’re not a learner you must be an earner. And in order to earn money, you have to get some kind of parnasah training. Everybody should train himself an umnus. Otherwise, why should anybody marry you?

Secondly, ask someone to appraise your personality. Many times a person’s appearance is not the kind that attracts anybody. And there are ways and means of making yourself more presentable. That’s a very important point.

Also a certain amount of finesse of character is necessary. When people don’t have a training in character or in derech eretz, so they’re actually repulsive to others.

Therefore, I would recommend that people should seek advice in these three areas. First of all, is he a ba’al parnasa? Secondly, what is his appearance? Thirdly does he have behavior and good character? And then there’s no question eventually the right one will come. Otherwise, it’s a misfortune for a Jewish girl to marry a misfit; because all her life will be ruined thereby.

TAPE # 865

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