Submitted by a local resident: With a heart full of pain, I attempt to pen my words to all my brothers and sisters.
Over the past few weeks/months, there has been much talk about mental health struggles, due to stories and tragedies that have hit our community very strongly.
Mental health is a serious illness. When I was 19 I got my first diagnosis. I have struggled with my mental health for many years, have been in therapy for many years, have wanted to end my life a few times, and yet, I am still here to tell the story. My symptoms come and go. Being a single mother is not easy, but along with the support of my 4 children and my amazing Rav, I battle this deadly disease that infiltrates our world.
If one were to ask me what my hardest part of battling mental illness is, on a list of one to 100, the top two would be stigma and financial support.
Even working full time, my paycheck doesn’t cover the expenses monthly. To top that off with enormous therapy and medication bills. Over the years, many many people have told me to reach out for support because there is support out there. I have tried and tried and exhausted every effort to find an organization that would financially support my therapy bills. Reality is, there are none. There are organizations that can provide peer support, a friend, a network of others with similar struggles. But there are no organizations that are spewing out millions of dollars to cover mental health treatment. There are however, millions of dollars being donated to cancer patients, millions of dollars being donated for fertility treatment, and millions of dollars being donated to children with special needs.
Why is mental health different, you may ask? Some people may say that because mental health is a never-ending struggle, the costs can be astronomical, MORE than any form of other medical expenses. I beg, beg to differ.
A person who lo aleinu fights cancer, can fight it for years and years, with still no possible cure, and eventually succumb to their illness. There is no cure for cancer, and the treatment to try and manage it, costing millions of dollars, can end up not even helping survival. BH more than not, it does help.
IVF treatment is not a guarantee for pregnancy, and the treatment to try and manage it, costing millions and millions of dollars, can end up not helping a person at all, taking thousands of dollars of donated money from organizations and unfortunately not even being successful in bringing a child into the world.
A person struggling with mental health and going to therapy for it is not guaranteed that the treatment will completely heal the issue. And yet, just like cancer and fertility treatments, why don’t they deserve to get the millions of dollars they need to try that process and get the right treatment they need?
The percentages of those who die from cancer every year are unbelievably higher than those that die from mental health struggles. And the percentage of those who get pregnant every year from fertility treatments, is unbelievably lower than those who heal from mental health challenges through the right treatment and the right therapy. (I am not talking about clinics and Medicaid providers; I am talking about treatment needed that is not covered under any insurance. Yes, just like cancer, some people don’t have the option to just go to a “clinic” for help. They need top doctors, top psychiatrists, and top help.)
I say, and I tried to understand, why are we different? Why are we not noticed? Why are we undermined? All we need is the right treatment, like someone with any other medical complications. Everyone has their own pekel in life, and it’s all hard and challenging. I’m not trying to minimize any other challenge, I am trying to bring awareness.
And another point. If someone c”v has cancer, would the doctor tell them, “Oh, you’re cancer.”? If someone has fertility issues, would the doctor say, “Oh, you’re fertility issues”? If so, then why, when a person with mental health is diagnosed, do they say “Oh, you’re bipolar” or, “You’re manic” or, “You’re borderline”? Why is that fair? What did we ever do to deserve such a name, label and stigma? Why are we treated so differently?
Siblings of those with special needs have support groups and gatherings, siblings of those being treated for cancer have support groups and gatherings, but children and siblings of those fighting mental health? We don’t talk about it, it’s embarrassing, we can’t tell anyone else that our sister/brother/mother/father has a mental illness! No way! I tell you, the secret and the stigma is half the battle.
Granted, the Jewish world has come a long way, but there is a far far longer way to go. Mental health strugglers do not deserve to live in shame and in silence because of so much judgment and stigma. We are just like anyone else. The difference? We don’t have cancer.
And if I don’t have a cancerous tumor, I can’t get the financial assistance I need to fight the mental health “tumor” invading my life. All those with mental health “tumors” need help too, the right help that will heal us, which costs millions of dollars.
In the late 80’s, those with special needs were still being locked up and not spoken about. B”H 20 years later, organizations around the world boast these beautiful neshamos and cherish each one of them. In the late 90’s, those with cancer still suffered in silence. B”H 20 years later, there started so much open support for cancer patients. At the beginning of the 21 century, those with mental health challenges were shunned, scorned, looked down upon, misunderstood, and considered “mentally retarded” and “unfixable”. B”H 20 years later the Jewish community as well as the world at large have become more open about mental health, have taken it more seriously and are more aware of the support needed. But not enough. The stigma is still there, it’s still hush hush.
My fervent tefila is that, just as a family with a special needs child has the resources to be supported, and need not hide their struggle anymore to the world, and just like those who have a cancerous tumor have the resources to be supported and need not hide their struggle anymore to the world, I hope and pray that very very soon, all those struggling with mental health, will have the resources to be supported and will need not hide their struggles anymore to the world!
I would like to take this opportunity to reach out on a personal level to you, my fellow community, my brothers and sisters. B”H I do not have a cancerous tumor, but I do have a mental health “tumor” that is costing me a lot of money that I simply don’t have. Please, open your eyes, your minds and hearts and help me out. For all those who always say “I wish there was something I can do to help…”, now is the opportunity!! Please don’t turn away, every dollar helps me to heal, and enables me and my family to look towards a better and brighter future. In this zechus, may those who suffer in silence know of no more pain, along with all those in tza’ar. And may we ALL know of NO MORE PAIN VERY VERY SOON, AMEN!!
Thank you,
Malky
I have no simple answers nor smart comments. We have a certain amount of energy and need to use it where it’s most needed. Fighting the world about the stigma of mental illness is righteous, but not your fight.
Those never touched by mental illness will never know how fortunate they are. It is an INTANGIBLE, and people do better with subjects they can touch and examine. The pain associated with a mental illness (there are many types of various degrees of urgency), is also not understood and is difficult to articulate. Do your due diligence- BEG HASHEM each day (morning, afternoon and night) for ALL the help you feel you need to be the best Mother and person. You don’t talk about extended family, but family is sometimes of the heart and not DNA. Be as positivie in your efforts as you can and ask for the daily help with the children that will free your head space and heart space. Forget about fixing the world! I am sorry for your plight. May Hashem turn each effort into a HUGE permanent healing success!
What an articulate letter, which says everything I’ve said – and more – throughout all the dark years I had with acute mental illness.
I’m a regular commenter here on TLS, with a specific commenting name, but I’m commenting anonymously for this one, despite the fact that I’m not as shy in person in regards to speaking about my history with this.
Because I don’t want every other comment I say to be linked to this one for posterity as ‘the whining loser’.
I think the simple answer is that those of us that B”H don’t suffer from mental health issues simply can’t really understand the disease. We see a person that may look healthy on the outside despite the pain in the inside. When we don’t visualize a problem it is hard to get behind it. Cancer charities tug on the emotions of people to raise huge dollar amounts. It is difficult for someone to get emotional about something he can’t see or understand.
Cancer you had? How can you relate to that over mental health? Just like the writer is saying, years ago everyone hid the fact that they lost their hair from cancer treatment, so it was hard to understand cuz it wasn’t able to be seen. Hopefully soon people with such struggles will be able to talk about it publicly. But financially supporting something because you can see hair loss and you can’t see inside a person’s heart? I agree, it’s wrong.
Often (not always) there is Government/Foundation money available to address a particular illness. This reality makes it somewhat easier as the aforementioned funds serve as a basis to get the organization started and running. Regrettably there doesn’t seem to be Government grants or foundation funds addressing mental illness. Possibly, we should be lobbying for this vital need. May the רופא כל בשר grant a חולי ישראל a רפואה שלימה
I really understand and feel for you. Thank you for your letter. I wish you tremendous hatzlacha and you should continue to stay strong for yourself and your children. The Ribono shel olam is going to hold your hand and walk you through this very big nisayon. I hope this brings awareness to the klal I’m sure it will. As far as funds although I’m not able to provide anything substational or that large enough but I will do what I could.
The mistake happened when medical and mental health got split as a specialty and practice. It was then that ppl started assuming it’s less real and more emotional, allowing ppl to think one can ‘get over it’ or ‘shake it off.’
When we go back to testing for deficiencies, viruses, bacterias, food and environmental sensitivities and learn that most of the DSM diagnostics (where not emotionally rooted) are caused by a breakdown In a physical system, that is when mental health will be recognized as the issue it is with the help it needs and hope for true healing. With Moshiach arrival, clarity will come. May it be speedily in our days.
The answer why mental illness doesn’t get funded by the Tzibbur is because it is so common. About 15% of the US population is on a Psychiatric drug, affecting almost every other family in Lakewood. Ashkenazi Jews have a higher genetic disposition to certain mental illnesses as well. Intergenerational trauma from the Holocaust is also affecting us according to recent studies.
There are hundreds of psychotherapists in Lakewood & they cannot keep up with the workload. When a therapist has a full schedule, they feel safe to raise their fee.
If funding was available, many more people would seek help & it would be unsustainable.
Cancer & infertility BH only affect a small portion of the population. Much less than mental illness.
We need many more people to get trained in treating mental illness & thereby lowering the cost by balancing the supply to the demand. Sponsorships should be given to qualified candidates to get the training.
I agree with this, but also, many mental illnesses do not have any cure, meaning a patient could need intense treatment for several decades. As opposed to cancer which only is actively treated for a limited amount of time.
the reason why mental health is so common is just for the reason that there is no funding to cure it which leaves a never ending cycle of no treatment and giving it over to our children. if mental health would be funded and everyone would get the correct treatment, there would not be as many people walking around with issues.