By Shifra C. Purim for me has always been the highlight of my year. I enjoy the busy streets, the kids’ pure joy, the davening and the preparations. This year however, I was seriously contemplating going away, just because of the financial burden of Mishloach Manos. I buy cheap plates or bags, fill them with home baked goods and I add a small liquor. Yet, my bills become astronomical because of the quantity I have to prepare.
I love my neighbors dearly, but I love in a very large housing complex (65+ homes) and many neighbors come to me to bring Mishloach Manos. I’ve always had to prepare at least 65-70 Mishloach Manos, 40 of which are for neighbors I wouldn’t send to had they not approached me first.
This year, my husband insisted we not live town-my kids would be devastated not to meet teachers and friends and we really don’t have much family to go to. But he is also insisting I don’t prepare more than 30 Mishloach Manos-our finances don’t allow it.
This year, my Purim may be awkward and uncomfortable. I’m asking that neighborhoods perhaps spread the word that the exchange of Mishloach Manos be kept to a minimum. I believe many people would appreciate this effort. I’m also asking that people instruct their Mishloach Manos messengers to deliver them without waiting for one in return.
And as for the children preparing dizens of Misloach Manos to give friends…well that’s for my next letter.
Signed,
Your neighbor who cares but just can’t give.
There are other options done in neighborhoods which can help you… you have to be creative… firstly there is the idea of all neighbors chipping in for 1 shalach manos for each neighbor – this is done in different neighborhoods ask around and profit even goes to tzedakah and you aren’t ignoring anyone. And there is the option of giving tzedakah cards so once again unless you dont give tzedakah at all this is a nice way of combining the 2 and still being friendly neighbors.
You technically just need one basket. After that you just recycle!
the option of tzedakah cards is not a kiyum of mishloach manos, but a way of acknowlodging a friednship or other type of connection between two people.very nice but not what chazal wanted. the mitzvah of matonos laevyonim however is bigger (einay aniyim tluyim buh)than mishloach manos and should therefore receive a larger portion of funds.
I’ll give you an idea – first face the fact that there will always be some people who have MORE to give than you have, who have nicer house decor than you have, and who can afford to shop in places you can only salivate about. Also, face the fact that there will always be some people who have LESS than you, who can’t put supper on the table without tzeddaka funds, let alone assemble mishloach manos packages. Now, make a budget of what YOU with YOUR means and in YOUR situation can spend on mishloach manos. Then, make another list of who you MUST give to – teachers and rebbeim and people who may have helped you in the past year, people who will be truly hurt because they feel you’re best friends with them and would for sure put them on the top of your list, a friend or two for each child to teach them healthy relationship give and take. Then, take the rest of the money, buy fancy lollies to give to each child who comes to your door and, with pride and knowledge that your financial status is what Hashem has deemed best for you at this time, say “I don’t have a shalach manos for you but I’m really touched that you thought of us. Thank you so much. And wow ….. (insert appropriate compliment on shalach manos)
100 bananas and 100 bags of chips, cost under $100
use lunch bags instead of fancy bags its MUCH CHEAPER and you don’t havta put in liquor either and ur right u don’t havta give everyone I feel the same way and we live in a development with very nice neighbors over 100 of them we will probably only give family,very close friends and chavrusas this year and its still alot
This is just a reflection of how things have goten out of hand in lakewood and other jewish communities.
I was reading one of the local weekly papers the other day and nearly fell off my chair when I saw an ad from a local jewelry store about the “Choson Kallah SPECIAL” they were running.
For $4500 You get a Kallah package which includes the “required” stone, setting, leichter, bracelet and watch
for another $3700 you got the Choson package, which includes the “required” watch, esrog box, menorah, megilah case .
To think what the world has come to, where people with no money are struggling to pay for these expected items. I miss the old days when a few golden coins were exchanged, perhaps a goat or two.. what a shame…
It is for this exact reason that some people prepare a large pot of chulent (or franks and blanks) and hand a fresh hot bowl and a cold can of coke to each person who comes to their home. This way you warmly thank them for theirs, are mechabed them, get a mitzvah and still have money over to pay your bills. It is a simple remedy for the situation. If the parents don’t come but send their kids, you can send back an invitation to come over or the chulent and soda anyway. On purim alot of people appreciate quick hot food. And this is not in any way less mechubad than sending liquor and baked goods
Reflection: where do you live, I’ll take the few golden coins and a goat!
Thanks!
Only kidding! I’m not Jewish, but I can relate to what I’m reading here. Gifting is out of control in all areas. People see what neighbors are giving and feel they must give the same, being able to afford it or not. When we got married, my mother wanted a list of how much each person gave us, she said, so that she’ll know how much to give to their children. I refused to give her the list. I felt it was unfair to do to my guests. I told her instead to give what SHE could afford. It’s all out of control.
Make potato kugel or yerushalmi kugel, put a piece onto a plastic plate together with a pickle, and give a warm plate to each of your neighbors. You’ll be doing the mitzva the way it was intended to be done, it will be appreciated, and it won’t cost very much at all.
Regarding home made food: If you know that you have a specialty that people love to eat at your house, go ahead and send it to friends. However, be aware of the fact that many people hesitate to eat non-packaged foods because of allergy issues, sanitary concerns (please don’ t be insulted) or simply Kashrus preferences (don’t be insulted by that either). Your food might just join some landfill after Purim. A wholesome fruit, or snack package with a drink might go farther.
In the past, we always gave generously to anybody who came – i don’t want to escape town, but how can i be discreet about the recession hitting us really badly
Reb Leib Gurvicz Rosh Yeshiva of Gateshead would put up a sign every year in Yeshiva saying, 2 monos to one person is yoiztei the mitzva, & 2 monos to many people is a meshubach.
He was known to say that home baked food should not be sent, because it gets recycled no one knows who made it & it ends up in the garbage can.That is bizayon oichlim.
So stop baking home-baked & wasting time & money on the lanfill.
By apple & an orange & give it, you are yoitzei the mitzvah & there is more chance it will get eaten & enjoyed without any health risk.
All you need is to prepare for the Rebbes & teachers & remember your bus driver give him a tip too.
After that have 5-10 ready & recycle. Don’t recycle something you wouldn’t eat yourself, put it in a Mesivta or Yeshive on Purim maybe someone hungry will eat it.
Just my feeling.
When I lived in an apt. complex years ago, one of my neighbors specifically told people not to send her because she is not sending neighbors. It was fine with me, no feelings were hurt. Even now I don’t send everyone on my street. I don’t think anyone is insulted, they understand. I would give teachers and rebbes, a few select friends and relatives and that’s all. I also don’t waste money on the packaging and I don’t have a theme. I do make homemade real food because I don’t believe that sending all that nosh is in “good taste”. If you’re supposed to send two foods that could be eaten at the seuda, then I don’t think that nosh counts as food.
Totally off topic, but Lakewood Scoop, can you PLEASE edit your entries!
I agree about baked goods, btw. Even family members, I will normally just taste it to be ‘yotzai’ and toss the rest.
Bought things, however, go into my cabinet for noshing!
please don’t criticize the jewelry store that is trying to accommodate today’s generation of chosson and kallahs parents. It’s not that the items are required, but that any good parent wants to give their child and their new daughter/son in law a beautiful beginning. try to be positive instead of harping on people and next time don’t be so specific so that everyone can figure out which store you are talking about.
first learn the halacha and then make cheshbonos. meshaloch manos first and foremost is supposed to be sent to someone you may have offended in order to appease him and make peace. After that comes freinds. As far as teachers go, that is a NEW minhag that the teachers should not be makpid on. Tuition is already strangling parents way beyond their means. They get paid for their work here and rewarded in the next world. Let them be recognized at the annual dinner for their school instead of some bum that hit it big financially. If I don’t have a job (and I don’t) are telling me I must give shaloch manos to someone who does have a job? I think it should be the other way around. A cupcake and an orange sent will fulfill the mitzvah. Save the crystal bowl for your own pesach seder, instead of trying to impress someone else in how you know how to waste money.
everybody needs something simple. purim should be a HAPPY day. it has become a rushed day.
#2’s idea is best! I’ve done it and it keeps the budget DOWN!! I will BE”H do the same this year. Get packaging within your budget. Prepare 10-15 in advance and then recycle, recycle, recycle. I don’t always give to others first either – just return the ones that come to me! I am very pleased each year when I’m left with a minimum amount of junk – an added bonus.
Also, I have many times given the teachers the next day – from recycled too.
Just some ideas. Do what works. Don’t fall for the pressure.
The bottom line is that if you can’t do something it doesn’t seem right to sop others from doing.
Unless….you feel you need to keep up with the rest and the community creates a pressure on you. Well, if that is the case then you need to work on yourself to help overcome that insecurity.
You are a tzelem Elokim and as long as you do what you are able to then all will be fine. no needto feel pressure, no need to create stress and no need to stop others from enjoying a great Mitzva.
if you feel a need to make it look personalized and to look like you bought everything, buy a LOT of the same bag (i think they cost 50c), put a special purim sticker from your family and just refill it with everything everyone gives you. For the kicks, put a tiny siman on it and watch it come right back to you!
About the teachers, I think that if everyone feels a need to show hakaras hatov, they should collect 5 dollars from each kid like they do at chanuka, cheaper for each parent, much less stress, and the teacher will walk away with more cash and less millions of dishes that she doesn’t know what to do with! The kid could go to the door with a thank you card and if she wants a little peckel… 🙂 that way the everyone is happy.
just abisel Hartz & abisel seichel !
I love the cholent idea – but Purim’s on Sunday – make fresh or use leftovers?
the shaloch manos is one problem But the collectors are another. I used to be able to give nicely but the last 2 years have been really bad financially. Yet the same people come and expect the same or MORE! ” last year you gave me ….”
It is really hard to say no and I end up giving way more than I should. so we decided we are leaving town for Purim. HOW SAD IS THAT?
Don’t be so bitter. People understand that you can’t give EVERYONE , even the very rich run out of Shaloch Manos. Just give your 30 and smile. PS but the teacher thing is like Major out of hand. Why do we give the Morahs? Since when is Purim aYom Hakaras Hatov (Teacher appreciation day) I’ve lost my purim because I spend the whole day running around to Morahs and basically get home out of breath just in time to eat the Seudah. If I choose not to go, my kids cry they won’t get their Shaloch Manos from their teachers. (who wants crying kids on Purim) I guess they’ll eventually get big and I’ll enjoy Purim then .
# 12 I hope you do a lot of very important things on purim so that your children understand you when you say that having them show hackaras hatov is a waste of time! Bec I don’t ! Showing your children that their educator and rebbi or mora is so important that nothing else comes first should be your only concern not if you’ll have time to drink as much as you want!!!!!!!!