PHOTOS: Driver arrested for alleged DUI after crashing through multiple fences in Lakewood

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  1. “I was not driving under the influence!” the driver insisted.
    “Then why did you crash through multiple fences?” the Judge asked him.
    “Because I’m a de-fens-ive-minded driver,” the driver replied.
    “I’m sorry,” the Judge told him, “but your driving was OFFENSIVE, not defensive.”
    “But the best defense is a good offense!” the driver argued.
    The Judge ignored the driver’s interjection.
    “And your pun was extremely offensive,” the Judge told the driver. “In fact, it was one of the most egregious puns I’ve ever heard in my entire life! I’m sentencing you to 5 years in prison for the pun, and an additional month in prison for the damages, plus 6 months of community service.”
    But the driver made a 2cnd attempt to sway the Judge.
    “Your Honor, I’m sorry about the lousy pun and the damages to the fences,” the driver said. “I was trying to beat the previous record of driving from one end of town to the other end in less than 3 1/2 minutes. So I drove as fast as I could and swung for the fences. I’m sorry.”
    “You SHOULD be sorry!” the Judge replied. “Because NOW I’m sentencing you to 10 years in prison for your 2cnd egregious pun of the day, plus 20 months of community service.”
    “Do you know why I’m sentencing you to 20 months of community service?” the Judge asked him.
    “No”, said the driver.
    “So you can mend fences with the community,” the Judge replied. “Have a nice day. Court adjourned.”

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