Pesach Cream Cheese Shortage

(Thank you Brighter Events!)

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    • No it’s not. Many people have extended family coming over and need to have more than one to feed them with. It’s not being selfish to buy more because if theyre buying more they probably need the amount that they bought. Why should a part of a big family not get any more than a small family that doesnt get?

  1. 1. Supply chain
    The reason for the shortage is that there is a unique problem delivering cream cheese to the stores. The cottage cheese trucks manage to get through, but the cream cheese trucks need special tools, and it is not your place to ask which tools these would be.

    2. Joe Biden
    Biden is to blame for this. He stole the presidency by being a better candidate, or at least the one that more people want to run the country, and since then he has done all kinds of things to make people suffer. His best friends are cows and he persuaded them to produce yogurt and cottage cheese, but no cream cheese. He also tried to stop them producing salted butter, but that would be too unacceptable over Pesach.

    3. Ukraine
    Ukraine is the world’s greatest supplier of wheat, and when the cows heard that there would be a shortage of bagels, evolution made them adjust and produce more cheddar and less cream cheese.

    4. The Va’ad
    As we all know, everything that goes wrong in Lakewood is thanks to the Va’ad. Also, the Va’ad does not exist and never does anything.

    5. Mask mandates
    The cows refused to wear masks while producing cream cheese, only for yogurt, butter, cottage cheese, and Mozarella. Afterwards, they went on strike, and that is why there is no cream cheese. Now that the mask mandate has been lifted, expect a flood of cream cheese.

    6. Snow storms
    That snow storm in the country on Chol Hamo’ed? It wasn’t snow, it was cream cheese. All the cream cheese diverted itself to the snow storm.

  2. SOS!
    I need cream cheese urgently! I’ll take soy cream cheese if need be!!! Just give me my cream cheese – now!! And throw in a bagel and lox too, if possible.
    Please spread the cheese, and please spread the word! I absolutely must have my cream cheese, NOW, PRONTO, WITHOUT DELAY!!! Give me my cream cheese, please!!! NOW!!!

    • What’s that you say? Soy is kitniyos, and not to be eaten by Ashkenazim on Passover? Then give me almond cream cheese, or some other mock cream cheese! Please! I can’t go a meal without cream cheese!

  3. I would like to recommend to the readers of this website an old beverage recipe passed down to me from my great grandmother.
    You will really enjoy this hot beverage. It is also quite simple to make.
    You will need:
    1) 8 ounces of boiled water.
    2) Approximately 1 teaspoon of instant coffee, whatever brand you prefer. (You can use more or less coffee, depending on your preference.)
    3) Sugar (Recommended, but not necessary for those who prefer non sweetened beverages.)
    4) Milk, or pareve creamer.
    5) A spoon, metal or plastic will do.
    Directions: Pour 8 ounces of boiling water into a cup.
    Put in desired amount of instant coffee into the cup of boiling water with a spoon. Add desired amount of sugar. Then add a touch of milk.
    Mix, and you have a perfect hot, tasty beverage that will perk you up and give you boundless energy.
    If it is close to bed time, use caffeine free coffee as an alternative.
    And that’s it! It couldn’t get any simpler than that!
    This is what my great grandmother drank in the alter heim, and me and my family still keep up the tradition.
    Happy Passover!

    • On another note, any dairy that is not organic (or leaning in that direction), is not very healthy. The chemicals in the feed, the multitude of injections, medications hormones etc. that “regular” cows (and chickens) are given is not good. The truth is that they have to give so much medications as the cows get sick, because they don’t have proper nutrition. So it’s a viscous cycle. If they would feed them healthy food, they wouldn’t need all the medications. And when you eat that milk/dairy eggs/chicken/meat, you’re getting some of the antibiotics etc. into you.

      If you ask any child what is food for cows, they will tell you ‘grass’. However, did you know that most cows in the US never see a blade of grass (or hay)?! They fee them corn, soy and grains which are cheaper but not the ideal food for cows. It also causes gas, which is uncomfortable for cows. So they pump foam into their stomachs which is there permanently. Can you imagine that?! Sickening!!!

      So, let us take this as a lesson to go organic.

      (On a similar note, Coca Cola and McDonalds have stopped selling to Russia. As someone said, they are actually accomplishing the opposite of their desired effect, as now the Russians will actually be healthier!!! What a punishment!. (As someone said , McDonalds is treif beruchnius ubegashmius!!)

  4. maybe its a conspiracy to raise prices. or maybe there are kenoyim who are worried it may be used as a gateway to gebrukts

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