Yitzy had everything going for him. His marriage was great, his kids were doing well, and he was well off financially. Yitzy had many friends and lived in a great neighborhood. Despite all this, Yitzy was unhappy. He often felt like he was just going through the motions in life. Each day was another day to get through. On the outside he was the life of the party but inside he felt numb.
Yitzy is not alone. There are many people that are outwardly successful and have a picture perfect life, yet the way they feel does not reflect that. There are many varieties to the inner experience of dissatisfaction with life. For some, they are constantly busy and restless, always searching for the deal, experience, or person that will fill the gaping emptiness inside. For others, there’s a void. The void is filled with numbness, or disinterest in life. Nothing is exciting, everything feels like a duty. While each circumstance is unique, we will focus on one idea that is foundational and applicable to all of us.
There is a well known psychological theory known as the hierarchy of needs. It breaks down human needs into five levels from most basic to most advanced. The highest level is called Self-Actualization. Self- Actualization is the innate human drive to develop and actualize every aspect of himself. In this theory, Self- Actualization represents the pinnacle of happiness and fulfillment. This will look different for every person depending on their unique personality. For example, someone who has an artistic side, part of Self-Actualization would require that they channel their talent into using their artistic talent in their daily life.
In American culture today, this concept is very popular. A dominant theme is being true to yourself and finding happiness in your own unique path in life. Despite this, happiness is elusive. Mental health issues are rising, not falling. Is Self- Actualization missing the boat or is there something deeper?
I saw a powerful idea from Rabbi David Aaron. It’s brought down in ספרי קבלה that every individual נשמה is not independent. It’s part of a greater whole נשמה of the nationality that each person is a part of. Each national נשמה as well is not independent. The national נשמה is a part of כביכול the one נשמה of הקבה.
Self-Actualization does lead to fulfillment and happiness, but only if we are actualizing our true, full self. Who are we? Each one of us is not only an individual. We are also part of a כלל, and a manifestation of Hashem, a צלם אלוקים. If we seek to actualize ourselves through focusing on our own needs only, we are doomed to misery. Paradoxically, by focusing on ourselves exclusively, we are abandoning ourselves. We are neglecting to nurture and actualize the כלל in us and the Godliness in us. The only way to find true happiness and fulfillment is to actualize the entirety of ourselves. We do that through finding our own unique path but also through living and doing for the כלל as well as for the רבש”ע. We owe it to ourselves.
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