Opinion: Respectable: Parents at Vort ask Guests not to Snap Pictures with Cell Phones

lechayimBy Malka K. In this modern age when a cell phone picture is shared with thousands before the Chosson and Kallah are even done making the Bracha on their L’chaim, it’s refreshing to hear what I heard when I recently arrived to a friend’s Vort.

“We kindly request that guests not snap cell phone pictures of the Chosson and Kallah,” the parents of the Kallah announced.

At first, I was thinking to myself, “um, is everything okay with you? I mean, this is 2015. You’re practically not even engaged if your photo isn’t all over the internet and on everyone’s cell phones in 1.3 minutes after the proposal.”

But then it sank in.

These people are very, very normal. In fact, so normal that they’re apparently not normal.

Are there really no boundaries today? Why does every Chosson and Kallah’s photo need to be shared on social media for the world to see, analyze and dissect? It’s about time we ask ourselves, “is this the Yiddishe way?”

Talking about no boundaries, I recently was by a L’chaim where a Chosson and Kallah themselves explicitly requested that their photos not go online, yet before they left their own L’chaim, their photos were already circulated on social media – where photos live on for eternity.

I know, my ‘nebby’ opinion probably won’t get more than ’15 likes, 2 shares and one comment’ – which is extremely depressing, because my friend’s Chosson and Kallah photos, I mean my friend’s opinion piece, already got ’75 likes, 45 shares and 32 comments’.

Just some food for thought.

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  1. Hi. I am a bachur in the freezer and I’ve been yelling this for the last year. By my vort which iyh be soon I will have a big sign saying that I will not be Moichel the person who puts on my picture. My yeshivash friend bet me five grand and I promise my pic won’t be on there!!!!!!! IT WONT IT WONT IT WONT LETS STOP THIS DISGUSTING DISGUTING PRACTICE

  2. Sounds like very controlling parents of the Kallah. You cant invite ppl to ur simcha and then tell them what to do or not to do. If they didn’t want ppl taking pics of the new couple, make the Vort for ppl over 50 only. They don’t take pics or use social media for these things.

  3. I actually agree with this. A relative of mine wanted to post a picture on her own private social media of her and her chosson. In less than 5 minutes, the picture was up on simcha Instagram accounts. They weren’t asked permission. It’s really not nice.

  4. #3 Are you an Ovaid Hashem? Did your Yiras Shomayim change? Were you hired to be the family photographer? Where do you come to do what you want at someone else’s party? If you invited me into your house , would you want me to go through all your belongings? this is the same thing.

  5. A new chosson and kallah I know did not stand anywhere near each other during their l’chaim so that pictures should not get out on social media.

    Btw, I know someone who does not send digital photos of herself to shadchanim for the same reason. If a shadchan wants to see what she looks like, she is willing to meet or send a hard copy for the shadchan to see.

  6. I absolutely agree!! It is a violation of privacy and very disrespectful to post someone else’s photo online. What you want to do with your own pictures is your own business but being invited to a simcha does not give you blanket permission to share it with the big outside world of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and even whatsapp. When I got married ten years ago (that probably makes me a relic by now!), I did not want our photo up on Only Simchas and our wishes were respected. It did not detract – we had a long page full of well-wishes. Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

  7. I completely agree with the author’s point that pictures of the engaged couple do not need to be shared online with the entire world. As a young man in shidduchim, I find myself looking for an aesthetically pleasing girl because I know that the world will be judging even though I personally would be fine with less (or more ;)). I’d also like to bring up another issue with this trend that I’m sure the world hasn’t thought about: there are countless girls (and guys) with broken shidduchim who’s pictures are now plastered online for eternity. It’s got to be very difficult to google your own name and find a picture of you with the guy that you’re trying to forget.
    Having said all this, I’d like to commend the managers of these websites. From what I understand, if you email them they will not post or will remove your picture if you’d like. This is very commendable and almost makes this practice okay.

  8. Every chosson and kallah is entitled to a photo album of their simcha for memories sake. It’s ok for friends and
    Family to snap away at a simcha as long as the Baal simcha receives the pictures after and they’re not posted all over the Internet! Keep in mind that when thousands of people see your pictures it’s possible that in your heart there might be some jealous feelings causing Ayin haras (evil eye) c’v!

  9. 10 points, well said
    It should become the norm to post a sign
    The choson and Kalah kindly ask that digital photos should not be taken of them at every vort

  10. Maybe, if someone bothered to ask, it would be against halacha to post someone’s picture if he doesn’t want it. Similar to telling someone a private fact of someone else, even if the news is nice, that is loshon hora if the subject wants it quiet.

  11. A friend of mine didn’t want his l’chaim and vort pictures going around on social media. We all respected his and his kallahs wishes. Guess what, there were no pictures circling of them.

    Oh, and he’s not “yeshivish” at all. He drives a truck.

  12. Its simply inviting ayin hora and worse. Why a kallah would accept having pictures of her where they WILL be looked ate by any male other than her chosson is beyond me. why not invite yourself over to the new couples apartment to take picutes of all their new furniture etc. so you can post that online too. there’s really not much difference.

  13. Im not understanding. Everyone poses so nicely when the photog from the local or not-so-local papers shows up. Everyone runs to see if the pics of their last night simcha or parlor meeting made it to the next issue of the Voice or Shopper. Why is the Yated OK and doesnt cause Ayin Hora & cell phone pics do ? And you cant just answer because of the pics of the Kallah.

  14. Why is it understood by most that we don’t plaster pictures of woman in public because of modesty but it’s ok to publish pictures for all to see online?

  15. First, i’d like to commend the author for raising this important issue. Especially, someone who was seemingly raised in the social media generation. I have to admit, when i first read it, i said to myself: “Nebech, it’s a lost cause”. However, seeing the deluge of supporting comments, maybe there’s still hope. The opinion of a silent majority goes unsaid since they all think they’re only one. If enough awareness is raised, people will start becoming more conscious of their behavior. (in a lighter note, you’re beginning to catch up on your friends total of 32 comments). Much Hatzlocho.

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