By Avi Gutfreund. Last Friday, it was announced that the 9th grades in all the girls high schools would not be starting school until every girl in Lakewood was placed in a school. The situation was soon thereafter fixed, with schools being closed for just one extra day.
The problem is that the underlying issue has not been resolved. Schools are still apprehensive about accepting certain girls and these types of girls, whether excluded due to their personal character or their family backgrounds, will continue to be declined acceptance and need to fight to get into a school. The majority of these girls are just as frum and wonderful as the rest of the population, yet they are treated differently often due to minor, peripheral concerns.
These girls, even once in school, will be walking around with a virtual badge of shame forever attached to them. It is a struggle for them to succeed both academically and socially because of the perceived lower status of being an afterthought and essentially a “chesed case”.
A girl entering high school is at a crucial point in her life. It is the time when she is graduating not only from elementary to high school, but also to young womanhood when her personal beliefs, regarding Yiddishkeit and herself, will be formed. Entering this critical moment as an outcast is obviously not optimal, to put it mildly.
So what can we do about it? For starters, no acceptance letters should be mailed out until each girl is placed in a school. Perpetually kicking the can down the road until just before the beginning of the school year is irresponsible. Secondly, our schools must change their attitude towards these girls. None of us are perfect, we all have our flaws. None of us have a family that has no issues or things to be concerned about. As humans, we all are, by default, imperfect in some way. Why are we treating certain imperfections differently than others? Who made us the arbiters over which issues are concerning and which are not? Every girl deserves a chance to succeed based on her own merits.
If we do not address this matter, other, more significant concerns will continue to plague our town. We have so many teens that are unfortunately OTD, hanging out all day doing nothing. How many of these teens were never given a shot? How many of them were seen by their peers as lower status because they weren’t the same as everybody else, causing them to become disenfranchised?
It is disturbing to see youngsters, themselves guilty of nothing, being tossed away by society. We must begin treating them differently, because children deserve respect too.
We can talk about it all day.
But as long as there isn’t oversight, schools will run as a business (as they are now) it will not get better.
Can’t agree more. I was appalled and greatly shocked that some schools sent out these letters before this was resolved
Did it ever occur to you that the problem is not the girl herself but the fact that the schools are overcrowded…42 girls in a class!!! Not that I don’t feel bad for the girls that Are not accepted but more schools have to open.each elementary school should open a high school.
Overcrowding does not explain why it is always a certain demographic of girls who are left behind. There are countless examples of girls not accepted because they come from working homes or their father wears colored shirts.
No room is a convenient excuse for administrates who have to choose between appeasing their parent body or risk losing their school.
They somehow manage to find room when they want to ($$$/status/yichus?). But as soon as something questionable (but irrelevant) about the family background comes to light, there is suddenly no room anymore. They are afraid of what other parents, who often hold the purse-strings will say. Sad reality…
Avi, you write with passion…
but maybe you should get facts first before you write your next letter on the scoop.
do you know every single girl and the reason of her rejection?
teens at risk is a very complicated sugya, and just claiming that sending everyone acceptance letter at same time is going to fix it, is very naive…
everyone agrees that its painful to try to get into school and have your kid sit around all summer waiting to get squeezed in… just do a reality check before next idea.
and btw: not every teen going to high school is as innocent as you claim…
Parents have a responsibility to take care of their kids and worry who they are hanging out with at all times… your claim to just be – open, loving, and excepting of anyone with any “imperfections” is what the liberals are trying to sell america…
Amen!!!!!!
Avi,
While the pain that these children suffer is immense and solutions must be sought, what you’re suggesting is not the solution.
As long as we “choose” our schools and insist on sending only to the ones that match our preferences and hashkafos perfectly, the school will continue to choose their students.
We scream about how terrible and evil the schools are for “choosing” girls, but we neglect to recognize the role we play in forcing such behavior. By insisting that only a specific school with certain types of kids will work for us, we force the schools to be very choosy in who they accept lest they branded as something that no one wants to be associated with.
It’s an unpopular opinion to be sure, but as someone who has been on both sides, I can say with certainty that schools will never stop choosing their students because parents won’t.
Stop complaining, put your money where your mouth is and open a school. The amount of negative slots makes it impossible for this issue to be resolved. If you are SO concerned open a school.
Notice this problem stopped in girls elementary schools…..
that is untrue. the problem in elementary school hasnt stopped. although it is easier there are still many families waiting until august to find out where their primary daughter will be going.
I agree. Accepting everyone no matter what is not the solution. There are girls that unfortunately have read seen and listened to things they shouldn’t have and can have a terrible influence on other people’s children. A school has every right to turn someone down if she is a risk to the ruchnius of the school!!! Obviously to turn down someone because of the color shirt or the job the father has is unacceptable!
Eli,
Some girls might be exposed to things they shouldn’t be as a result of other siblings in the home who are already OTD. They might come from the finest homes, but they are exposed. Some girls come from more open and exposed homes and are the finest girls. Who are you to judge who will have a terrible influence on other peoples children.
I think your letter is disrespectful. Why are damning reports every girl that didn’t get in right away. There were plenty of good solid girls with good solid backgrounds who didn’t get in. I happen to agree that when the schools do choose students there criteria are seriously warped but I really don’t get why you’re making every girl who got rejected a problem case.
It’s a problem, and an inexcusable one. We are playing with lives here! I’m not sure what the solution is, but what we need is those with power and money, those that have the ability to do something about it, to feel that this is the biggest crisis. I know there are some wonderful ppl working tirelessly on this out of the goodness of their hearts. I know some personally. But it takes more than just a good heart to solve.
A couple of tips for the schools:
1)If the problem is space in schools (more than 30 girls per class), open another class. Higher more teachers/hanhala and get more classrooms (use a trailer or a second building/make an addition).
2)Problem is the girl was brought up hashkafically different? Try to take an even amount of all types just like good old lakewood schools used to have. We b”H came out ok. Better even. And of course, use your great chinuch skills and be mekariv the ones that need it. Many times the family’s follow along. And most importantly, daven for matzliach.
There is absolutely no toeles in writing opinions!!! Opening more schools is the one and only solution, and until you don’t do that, don’t give deyos!!!!!
RUTH, they might not be a problem case in your head, but in a young 14 year old girls head, it is. I spoke with a girl in this situation. She was supposed to have fun this summer as a counselor in a daycamp together with all her friends like most 14 year olds. She was so ashamed, she ended up staying home all summer. Of course, she had nothing to be ashamed of but a 14 year old girl is not mature enough to realize this. All she see’s, is pity on everyone’s faces (even when their not there!).
D. I was responding to the notion that only “certain types ” of girls were not accepted. All kinds of girls were not accepted. Even girls who are considered “good material ” that the schools want. It’s definitely a problem. But before they weren’t accepted they were not all “problem” girls.
All these solutions fail to address the reality. Not all girls in lakewood are of the same type of family or hashkafa and therefore the schools cannot accept everybody. There are schools where if certain girls were accepted, they would receive complaints from other parents. This is not sinas chinum, this is protecting and molding my child to my specifications. While you think having a 1/3 of the class that’s different is a “healthy exchange of ideas”, I beg to differ.
Most of the school rejections that I was privy to, involved families pushing their kids into schools that where different than the path of yiddishkeit they chose for their family.
It’s ok to be different, but don’t force other families to accommodate you. Go to where you fit in.
I’m a working father who wears colored shirts as white would not be appropriate for the kind of work I do. I am kovea ittim, daven 3 times a day, attend many shiurim, learn mussar… I drive a lease because my car is essential to my parnassah and I cant risk an older car which may break down frequently.
Schools have to be cautious in accepting people like me because of your specifications. what if your child sees my lease and now wonders why your family doesn’t have one? what if your child befriends my child and sees that I work and, lo aleinu, he decides to go to work after beis medrash? what if your child sees that a tatty wearing a colored shirt can be just as ehrlich as a tatty that wears a white shirt?
The Torah is not yours. The fact that your specifications may not survive mild differences in frumkeit is your problem not mine.
The only solution is to shut down all the schools and make 1 big school with 25 parallel classes.
I like the idea of a big school with 25 classes.
Although people will be fighting for which classes, but that’s a smaller issue…