Her name was Faygee. She was 20 years old and she had a smile that could light up a room. Faygee was one of my wife Aviva’s students and she was full of life, full of love, and full of hope. She always knew what to say to make everyone around her feel good, how to give them chizuk so that they could carry on even when they faced trials and tribulations.
We lost Faygee Monday night to an accidental heroin overdose. My wife, my children and I are all mourning the loss of this beautiful neshama. Unlike so many other cases you hear about, Faygee had the full support of her family who did all that they could to help her through the difficulties she faced. And yet, we still lost her and we find ourselves in shock, grieving the loss of this promising young woman.
For those of you who are counting, Faygee is the 60th person in the Jewish community to die of a drug overdose since this past Rosh Hashana. I have gotten yelled at many a time for counting these deaths and have been told I am sensationalizing these tragic events, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Keeping track of this terrible, heartbreaking statistic makes it real, forces us to face facts. We are not immune. Every single one of those deaths have happened on our watch and WE are responsible.
I get many phone calls from people who tell me that they want to open up treatment centers or sober houses after hearing about these terrible losses. I always ask if their intention is to do this as a chesed or as a business and the response is always the latter. Have we lost our minds that we are looking to turn a profit from this horrific trend? Have we no compassion? Why are we willing to do everything in our power for those with cancer and couples who struggle with infertility, but when it comes to those who suffer from a drug addiction we see it as a good business opportunity? We are rachmanim bnei rachmanim – so why is it that when it comes to kids on the street or those with addictions, we aren’t opening our hearts and our wallets to help those who are struggling?
I write this as Faygee’s family is preparing for her funeral and I can’t stop thinking about how it wasn’t that long ago that I attended Faigy’s high school graduation. She spoke so sweetly and with such sincerity. The message she delivered was a powerful one and today, I hope to be able to share one more powerful message on behalf of an amazing young woman who left us all too soon.
Let each and every one of us reach out to those who are struggling. Pretend that they are your brother, your sister, your child or your parent and do whatever it takes to get them the help they need. We need to band together as a group to fight this epidemic with every ounce of strength so that no more parents have to plan funerals for their daughters like Faygee’s parents are today. May our renewed efforts to help those in need be a zechus for Faygee’s neshama and for the neshamos of the other 59 we have lost this year and may they be a source of strength for those who are still struggling.
Faygee, I beg you to penetrate the heavens on behalf of those who are suffering. Seek out the others and go together with them to storm the kisei hakavod with tears and with heartfelt tefilos so that we can, once and for all, bring an end to these senseless tragedies.
Zvi Gluck is the director of Amudim Community Resources, an organization dedicated to helping abuse victims and those suffering with addiction within the Jewish community and has been heavily involved in crisis intervention and management for the past 15 years. For more information go to www.amudim.org.
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I feel your pain and loss. This is not only your loss this is klall yisroels loss. Just think of all the doros that were lost. Keep on making the tzibur aware of what is going on i klall yisroel.
She was also the daughter of a very Chashuve rav. No one is immune.
HaShem should give all those dealing with this nisayon a lot of strength.
The community must reach out to the ex addicts that have recovered from the seemingly hopelessness of life. They are the ones that have an answer and a way out for those that struggle. Like myself who has been through addiction, trauma, and all else in the struggling category. I have gotten out of it and live a successful productive life now. I know what the solution is and what the solution isn’t. I don’t say this out of arrogance rather conviction from my own experience in this field. Stop looking to “community leaders” start looking to recovered addicts. And then we can help all my friends and family recover from this horrible illness. Questions or comments 8482380976
233rd innocent infant or child to be niftar just in the last 3 years alone. All niftar in horrific strange ways. From left in cars to SIDS to MVA etc…
May her neshama have an aliya
Truly heartbreaking. But I have a question. I’d really like to get the answer to this. From these articles it always seems like Klal Yisroel as a whole is being blamed for this. So why aren’t we discussing more about WHY this is happening? Why do our kids feel that there is no place for them in our Cookie cutter society and have to resort to artificial stimulation?? Why are we just being told to be nice to those kids who are already in the situation? Of course we should, but what is driving these kids to substance addiction? Please don’t blame it on abuse. That’s these organizations easy way out. It is a small percentage and does not address the overwhelming majority of the problem.
#mordechai- well said. Recovered alcoholic/addict here, if there is a way for me to help please contact me dmb120@yahoo.com keep up the awareness
Tonight there is a community event on drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. It’s at Zichron Shneur. It’s in memory of a local boy who sadly passed away due to this disease. Real problem in our town and everybody should attend
As this is happening again and again I still can’t fathom why people aren’t turning to ex alcoholics/addicts who have been in that position and clearly have found a solution. The fact that this article itself said that the parents were fully behind it and still this happened shows something…the problem is much deeper then most people realize regardless of the family’s “help” or not. As a former drug addict I’ve seen this personally countless times. We need to be humble and realize that we don’t know how to help bec if we did this wouldn’t be happening and only someone who has been in this position can truly understand and show a way out. Let’s stop playing god we don’t always know best about everything…@mordechai I fully agree with you if there’s anyone struggling with this that would like to talk plz don’t hesitate to email me ananimity@yahoo.com
I think shalom raised the most important question here!
Get at the root of the problem and you won’t have to deal with so many addicted young ppl in our community!!
How many boys can’t get into mesivta because they don’t fit the mold? How many high school girls feel rejected?
There’s no easy answer….
Another death in the Jewish community is a tremendous tragedy. Unfortunately we are readings these kind of articles far to often and I think we could all agree that addicts are not getting the help they need in order to recover and something must change. The fact that people are still endorsing and sending to secular rehabs while their success rates for being clean for more then a year are hovering at 3% is mind blowing. What’s mind blowing as well is that there is aTorah based solution that has helped myself and many others go through a core character change and become true Bnei Torah and with the help of Hashem get out of addiction, and yet this fact is ignored and various people in the community still insist on sending to these places that don’t offer a lasting solution. The bottom line is only results matter and we have to open our eyes and see what offers results and what doesn’t. If anyone has any questions please call 8455480471
I think everyone knows by now that the place in Florida, Torah & the 12 steps, or whatever, is enormously succesful. The problem is they charge $6,000 a MONTH. Not everyone can afford it & the parents are embarrassed to ask for help for it. Why cant AMudiom use this as a platform to raise money for this type of thing. Peopl want to help. They would give for it. If he doesnt do it, maybe I should. Efsher takeh.
Very unfortunate that she and many others had not received the help that was needed to avoid such tragedies from happening, yet People with drug/alcohol addiction are getting sent to places that don’t have a solution, we see from the resluts its not working for addicts, yet keep sending to the same places thats just a buisness based off of relapse to get you to come back and get ur money When you relapse which is exactly what they want! They make the place look all attractive by having all sorts of activities which isn’t solving the problem it just gets you to come back when you relapse!! when are people going to relize that it isn’t working and reach out to EX addicts with a real solution that the problem has been solved in them and have what to offer!! To contact me feel free to email me at Friedizzy@gmail.com
Im just wondering how you expect alcohol and drug rehab centers to provide the best treatment possible for free.. Maybe you should go around and lecture all the top cancer doctors to also work for free. If you want someone to deliver an excellent service and you want them to be the best in their field and to put in many years, they will obviously ask for compensation. I completely missed your point over here.
I am involved in a administrative position in a recovery center not jewish, and all I can say is, most recover centers charge what is standard for mental health and outpatient clinics do, and about half of a senior care does with, most not getting Medicare. The author while obviously very sensitive to the needs of the OTD addicts, obviously has no idea how much it cost to get staff and ones at the top of their field working with addiction. Addiction work is some of the most challenging work out there, Baugh some of the highest levels of burnout.
There is also plenty of cheap, state help out there if you would like.
Another idea would be to actually fundraise in amudim to get top help for these guys.
I see there’s an even this sunday open to the public in lake terrace where our community leaders and rabbonim will be speaking about these issues. Is anyone considering going?
For those who say Florida Jewish rehab is too expensive…it’s a joke compared to the big ones out there that can cost easy $15,000 AFTER insurance. I don’t understand how Florida rehab manages if charges so little….
Lakewood Resident says “There’s no easy answer….” Now true. But to start you need schools for all kids!! You cannot do the cookie cutter way. It’s a total failure and our young children are hurting due to this sick “I am frummer mentality”. TONIGHT they are trying to salvage what is left. Sorry to say it’s too little and possibly too late.
My heart breaks for the people that were unable to have the opportunity to get better and had to tragically suffer,and for being given false hope through programs that offer no long term solution, I know how deadly addiction is as I have personally overdosed and faced death in my active addiction many times,
everyone wants to prevent more deaths and I can tell you that there is a solution and I am living proof of that,
yes I did go to the program in Florida and there is no question I would have been another casualty if I hadn’t,
There is a solution,it is possible to get better,and we have to do everything in our power to spread the message and help other addicts recover, and if we don’t do that we are letting more people die
I’m not an expert in the field of addiction or counseling or parenting. However I feel that parents today have so little time to truly bond and connect with their children. They may be sacrificing their children on the alter of whatever it is they are busy with.
Whether it be working or shopping or being busy making sure all their children are perfectly matching in their cute little frilly headbands and furry shoes, or even learning in kollel, it seems to me that children are viewed as appendages of their parents and not as people with feelings and emotions who need love, empathy and above all LOTS of dedicated parental TIME.
When parents put their every effort into forming a cherished relationship with their children, does anyone doubt that this reality would change?
Except it takes hard work, sweat and toil. The choice is yours. Put down your smartphone and go play with your kid. It’s all he/she needs.