Yossi would lash out when he was angry. He always regretted it but in the moment he felt like he had no control. It felt like the words came out by themselves.

Yossi needed a way to restore control over what he said even when he was angry. I told him a simple but powerful rule. Talk “Low and Slow”.

Anger demands that you talk loud and fast. To do that, your brain shifts from the prefrontal cortex, the logical part of the brain into the impulsive, emotional centers of the brain. When that part of the brain rules, you might say and do things that you will regret after you calm down. If you talk low and slow, you are essentially switching your brain’s gears away from the impulsive centers and back into the prefrontal cortex, the more balanced, reasonable state.

Try saying ” YOU ARE A HORRIBLE……” in a low, slow voice. It doesn’t work. Regardless of how angry, stressed, or triggered you are, talking low and slow will restore your control over what you say.

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Chaim Moshe Steinmetz LISW is a psychotherapist in private practice and provides in person and telehealth therapy for a variety of issues. Visit Chaimmoshesteinmetz.com to get a free copy of “ Master Stress in one Minute”, 3 easy, science based techniques to rapidly restore calm and confidence in less than one minute.