Summer is just about here. Children are now free to ride their bikes till the days’ end, climb the trees that are finally in bloom and, for those that aren’t supervised, bully other kids.
Can you picture the following scenario that plays itself out probably a few hundred times every day? Kids of all ages are playing together in the local playground.
Mothers are busy cooking supper, chasing toddlers or schmoozing with other women. No one is watching and Malky is blocking the top of the slide. Malky is only three and there is a spider on the bottom of the slide. She is frozen in terror. Eli who is seven and the youngest of three boys is playing tag with the other boys in the neighborhood. He wants to slide down the slide but Malky is in the way. Eli sticks out his leg and Malky goes flying down. She shrieks in terror but the slide is now unblocked. No one saw. Eli is not in trouble. He is the king of the playground. Another Bully is born.
Malky runs to her Mommy, barely articulate and cries about the spider, the mean boy and the booboo on her forehead. Mommy hugs and kisses Malky and wonders who in the world raised such a monster.
Eli is not a bully. He is a kid who was given way too much freedom. He is regular boy who likes to tease other kids and push boundaries to see how far he can go.
It turns out that when there are no adults in the playground, he can go very far. He, and he hundreds of other unsupervised children who are let out to play on their own, who aren’t really capable of making free-will choices are being left to their own devices. And who can blame these home grown bullies? No one ever taught them otherwise.
Miri Issacs
(TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to newstips@thelakewoodscoop.com)
Why is three-year-old Malki not supervised
thats the point of this letter!! CHILDREN NEED SUPERVISION
True but letter implies that Eli is a bully because he’s not supervised.
First comment implies that a 3yr old can’t be outside unsupervised!
2 different issues.
Most people wouldn’t dream of sending 3yr old to the playground by themselves, most 8 yr old are perfectly capable…
Apparently letter is talking about older children
Well written! Plz publish this is other places as well, local magazines etc
I am an older Bubby and I am so happy to see how bullying has become an issue that people are aware of and are trying to take care of. However, as with everything in life, can there be too much of a good thing? Many kids are naturally mean. They should be reprimanded and supervised so that they don’t act meanly to other children. But is every mean child a bully? Some things are just part of life, like mean kids. They have to be taught to improve their behavior, but are they just plain bad? Is there a line to be drawn between a normally mean kid and a bully? Or is every kids who fights with another kid a bully? Some phrases have become so trendy that I have trouble keeping up! Could someone enlighten me about this issue?
Many parents on smaller slides stand on the side and give their own toddler a gentle guiding push. Perhaps Eli saw it as helping Malky.
Or maybe Eli was being teased by those older boys, the real bullies, and took it out on someone smaller. He still isn’t king of the playground.
Then again, maybe this is a reflection on society. The dozens of car accidents that happen because we can’t wait 2 minutes for the guy in front to move.
Unfortunately, when you have multiple children you may be watching the younger one and have your back turned to the 8 y/o. And what’s the answer? Force all of your children into 1 section of the playground? Don’t take the children out while the other parent is at work? Or insist that no other parents are allowed to talk amongst themselves because everyone should be watching the kids as a community? That last question would be the most appropriate, but who will let a stranger scold their child?
Postscript
Eli grows up and is ok
Miri grows up and she’s ok too
There isn’t one way and one way only that bullying starts. And supervision is necessary. But kids do need independence and space to become functional adults! Coddling or helicopter parenting is also a problem! Miri hopefully gained some real life knowledge from this incident (bad things can happen, you survived, mommy is there when you need her) and Eli too can straighten out. Like bubby said- doesn’t necessarily make him a bully.
Eli is an eight year old boy who wants to go down the slide but there’s a three year old girl sitting like a queen (in his eyes) on the top of it. So he pushed her down to clear it for himself. That’s an aggressive way of getting down (I prefer “go down or go off the slide, other people want to go down already!” as alternate but less aggressive eight-year-old-boy response), true. This was a physical way of getting his wants met, and he should be taught alternate communicative options. But I would not call that bullying — he didn’t come over to her in an unprovoked senseless attack, he just moved her out of his way so he could go down. And he apparently didn’t know about the spider. Every eight year old boy who’s a little bit pushy rather than verbal about meeting his needs is not “a bully”. Some adults learn how to meet their needs in a more respectful and refined matter, some don’t. Some cut right around traffic jams, cut the line when they think no one’s looking, push in ahead of others etc. Some grow up and don’t do those things anymore. Let’s guide our kids to learn at a young age how we can help others, communicate with them, never push them. But labeling that eight year old kid we meet in the park as a “bully” isn’t helping anyone.
I also have the question of where Malky’s mother was. A three year old should be supervised, and it’s Mom’s responsibility to navigate Malky around the spider, not an eight year old boy who wants to use the slide.