Dear Lakewood Scoop,
I’m writing this letter, not because I expect it to change much, but perhaps someone can help me understand the other side of this issue. I’ll get straight to the point: what is going on with all the daycamp swag? It wasn’t too long ago that camp swag meant a T-shirt for trips and a bag. Maybe a sweatshirt if you were lucky. But now? The way this “swag” has evolved is beyond over the top, and frankly, it’s nauseating.
More importantly, what values are we teaching our children? Why are we normalizing the idea that giving out scooters—yes, SCOOTERS—to each child is acceptable? A smartwatch? An entire camp outfit? Really? The list is endless, and every year it just gets more outrageous. I understand that kids talk and maybe it helps attract children to your camp, but when we teach our children that coming home with these kinds of things is normal and expected, where do you think this will end?
As a parent, trying to combat this sense of materialism is extremely frustrating. If this is what they expect as kids, what will they expect as adults? The shul with the most over-the-top kiddushim? The flashiest car on the market? Diamond necklaces at age 20? In a world where so many people are struggling, feeding into this need for materialism is simply wrong. Do we really want this for our children?
I know some will say, “So don’t send to the camp.” I don’t. And it has nothing to do with the camp’s price (although why not skip these giveaways and charge parents $1,000 less per child?). It’s extremely challenging, as my kids are not little. I have a sixth grader who sees what’s going on. She was in an amazing overnight camp first half, and guess what? The sleepaway camps do NOT do this. Sure, they have the standard giveaways and some cute things added on. I actually heard from a sleepaway camp owner that “Lakewood kids are bored when they get to sleepaway camp.” But I’m not even talking about the crazy trips and activities—that’s a separate discussion.
These are NOT the values I want to instill in my kids. And my husband is a blue-shirt working guy, not a yeshiva guy in kollel. But the increasing attitude of “it’s coming to me” and “I need this” is sickening. Have we lost sight of what is truly important? Do we really want our children growing up like this? I’m genuinely curious to hear a daycamp owner’s perspective on this. And yes, it’s not every camp, and you can find the one or two camps that don’t follow this trend. But we all know that it’s the majority of daycamps in Lakewood, and each year it keeps getting more over the top.
Find me one parent who is actually happy with these standards.
Sincerely,
A Parent Who’s Trying
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When parents have fancy toys kids want them too. If the parents grow up a little it will help. Hameivin Yovin
I agree that Lakewood camps are over the top but I have kids of all ages in different camps and none of them got more than a tee and a bag and not all of them got both! And I don’t see more by my neighbors either!
I think it’s a 2 way situation. The camps have to give out swag in order to attract campers. Unfortunately, this is what kids expect these days.
A number of years there was a meeting between many camp owners to try and tamp down these crazes. From the excessive trips and on.
What it came down to was essentially marketing. Each camp differentiated themselves by their gimmick. So whether we are talking about what the youngest grade to go on an overnight trip or what gear a particular camp might affix to your car, nobody wanted to lose their edge.
It’s their advertising budget.
My guess with the scooters or smartwatches is that somebody figured out that they can get them off Alibaba, wish, or Temu for a similar price to what they normally pay for magnets.
I am still waiting to hear from that one parent who is happy with those standards!!!!
wow wow wow! totaly agree! although im not familiar with the term “swag” i always thought it was a cool way of walking… but 100% the camps should not be setting the kids standards so high. just to take the camps perspective for a second, many kids are being brought up with a high-class attitude and environment as BH many yidden are doing very well financially and dont know how to spend their money yet which ends up raising the bar of peoples standards which makes the camps struggle with pleasing the kids. also one camp by themselves cannot solve the problem as there is competition with the camps and they have to be up to par with the other camps. so you would need a camp group meeting with rabbanim to end such a thing. However its definitely an amazing point to be brought out and even if the camps cant fix themselves maybe other parents can explain to their children that this thing really makes no sense and thats not how we want our life to look as these stuff are not necessities rather extra bonuses to want to come back to this camp. yes, yes, its unfortunate but keep drilling in to those kids to do whats right and to try not to get influenced by the gashmiyus around us! BH i was raised and brought up with that hashkafa and im happy to see others still preaching those ideas!! Hatzlacha, The Retzay.
Your right. They girl camps are ran without any real rabbinic or male input so they are entirely רחמים without any דיו.
Some are ran by immature non marrieds and others cave to the financial pressure due to competition.
But it’s a Lakewood issue and no anywhere else. It’s sick and abhorrent.
Run, not ran
What does non-married have to do with anything?
My kids go to a fantastic camp in brooklyn. All they get is a tshirt.
I guess if you want gashmius these days you leave brooklyn and go to lakewood.
My kids go to a fantastic daycamp in lakewood. All they got was a tshirt!! We see not.coming to Brooklyn
My kids are also in camp in bklyn & we pay a lot for day camp & still have to pay for the camp t-shirt
I agree. Honestly I just feel bad for these people that are trying SO hard….crazy giveaways, and thinking you need to do SO much to fit in. Nebach. Be real and focus on what actually matters in life.
Sleep away camps don’t do this??? Ha.
What about the Stanley’s that were sent out before camp.
The fancy jackets that are given out.
You could go on and on.
I agree it it ridiculous- both day camps and sleep away camps.
Let’s work on cutting down and cutting prices
Yup! Its about having bigger and better. Same for houses, cars, jewelery etc. Everyone spends to out do the next. Don’t buy into it!
The only thing to do is vote with your $$.
That’s what I did.
There is also a very nice speech from Rabbi David Ozeiri that I heard recently. Just like companies like coca cola have a brand and brand reputation, and would never start selling tomatoes under the brand, so to, our families have their own brand, and message, and things that we will and will not do. Now to be fully honest, you will have to think hard and deep about what Is your message. Is it hachnosas orchim, chesed, torah, what is it that you and your spouse excel in and can pass along a pride in. If everyone is just cookie cutter to the next family on the block, and we don’t gain our children’s respect for who WE are, then yes, they will look to the next door kid who has the same “regular parents” and wonder why he can’t have all the things the next door person has. We as parents need to excel and instill a pride in our children of who our family it. And stop looking at others, and focus on our family pride.
Hatzlocha!
What’s wrong? Let the kids live! let them enjoy! However: scooters they shouldn’t be given. Only the parents should buy a kid a bike, scooter or balls, as “ Chas v’shalom” can lead to tragedy.
I get my grandchildren whatever they ask me for except for bikes and balls.
Too many kids go off of the derech as a result of the parents not allowing them to have anything.
The few years of childhood escapes very quickly. Children need to enjoy it. Children whom had everything as a child usually live a modest life afterwards.
This is a refreshing post. You are questioning the premise that kids receiving lots of daycamp swag leads to materialistic adults!
Not sure if you’re right that it’s exactly the opposite. I have a different thought.
Maybe kids who get lots of swag and stuff (in camp or at home), but their parents don’t make a big deal about it in either direction, will move past it as they mature. But if the parents are either very impressed by it (kids overhear them analyzing, discussing which camp has more and how much it cost…), or alternately the parents are going on and on about how bad it is, the children will also be very focused on material stuff. Don’t make a big deal about the swag – just say “very nice, very cute” and move on. Think about and talk about meaningful, important and spiritual topics (to your kids, to other adults, and to yourself!) and your kids will pick up on what’s important in life and what’s just kiddy stuff.
100%
Dear Parent who is trying,
You have such a heartfelt and emotional letter. You brought tears to my eyes. I agree with you, what are we teaching our children? Life is not about the material things that we gather; that is such a shallow way to live a full life.
Your letter needs to be published to other sources and read by many parents.
There are so many people suffering; how about the “what can we do for others?” How about actually do something to help out; its not just put money to a situation and walk away.
What happens to these “privileged” children when life takes a sudden turn and upends their life style? Will they be able to adjust and cope?
You have a very well written and thought provoking letter.
Thank you
This is a list of things I’ve seen the girls receive this year from camps. Feel free to add to the list. A scooter, linen, a watch, briefcase, stanley cup, pillow, skirt, charm bracelet,visors, fanny pack….
Keep in mind all these items are customized with the camps name all over the items. It can’t be cheap and the cost is passed on to the parents with the inflated camp prices. Endless luxury giveaways and trips do not make the girls happy. They need to have some wholesome fun while keeping it affordable for the parents.
Actually, these items are usually ordered months in advance from Alibaba or other foreign providers, at very low costs.
Bear in mind the quantities the camps order which drive down prices considerably.
This issue is what most mothers have been shmoozing about this summer. We all feel stuck and worry alot about this issue. We don’t want our daughters receiving all this stuff. We don’t want to pay for all this stuff. It just seems to get worse each year. Thank you for writing this letter to publicize this issue.
Totally agreed. It’s ridiculous and not necessary. Most ends up in the garbage. Baal tashchis too
Maybe try sending to a different camp? My son is having an amazing time at one of the largest day camps in Lakewood, and no, they do NOT do this.
its not the boys camps. its the girls camps.
This is marketing. Camps are a BUSINESS and they make money on generating repeat customers, this is one way to do it. It’s obnoxious and gratuitous yes, and completely unnessicary but the fact is that in Lakewood Camp is a chiuuv at this point, whether it’s day camp or sleepaway camp and most of us can barely afford our tuition much less these high fees for glorified daycare. I would much rather do school day camp for the entire summer with a couple of breaks in between, it’s much less expensive and far more productive in terms of learning. BUT, it’s much easier to give someone something than to take it away…
Totally agree and very bad for chinuch and raising a frum Torah Lakewood family but at the end of the day alot of parents feel that at least they got what they paid for this expensive camp by their children coming home with expensive technology and toys etc ….. Bot realizing the damage it’s doing to their children and neighborhood watching them playing with these technologies in the future years ahead of decades they have from being kids now and how badly it’s affecting their yiddishkeit.
I am in full agreement! I spent extra to send my kids who were old enough for sleep away camp just to get them away from everything that goes on here in the summer and believe it or not they have a great time without the craziness! The camps really need to cut it out, most parent do not appreciate it and would rather them charge a few hundred less and focus more on the quality time in camp. And quality does not mean prizes!
I AGREE with you 100%!!!!
Your letter is spot on and what so many of us feel. I personally spoke to a camp owner that caters to a specific age group. This camp tried to be a trailblazer and call together heads of other camps to collude and cap the standards. But he was met with resistance and rejection. How disappointing and upsetting. Where have we sunk to?? Camps competing and outdoing each other to woo the business of children who are demanding and dictating to parents?? Can we put the chinuch back in “raising” kids? This doesn’t make Hashem proud. Regardless of the color of your shirt. Kudos to you!
my son goes to camp chavivai,they have fun the good old fashion way with lots of ruach and pump with camp bags and T shirts. I couldn’t be happier
Camp Chavivai is #1
We’ve come a long way since I went to camp.
We would get 1/2 a cup of warm watery punch served from a garbage can & 3 soggy sandwich cookies.
Did we like it? NO!
But it’s all we got.
It’s your fault that you send to those camps. The people who I associate with don’t send to the big Lakewood camps bc those are not our values. It’s a free country! You can send to whatever camp you choose. You can keep complaining or actually send to a great backyard camp which keeps the girls so happy.
My daughter’s go to camps which receive all this stuff but I find when u raise kids who are emotionally full all this is just fun and doesn’t hold value. They don’t care about it! I agree it’s sad that this is what camps need to do to prove themselves and market…but I don’t see negative impact happening to fortified children! If it’s not a value in the home it’s not a value to the kids.
These responses that justify and normalize the gashmius explosion culture, just confirm that we gradually have become habituated, and don’t even notice the pernicious effects.
My Uncle Rabbi Yoseph Weiss a”h founder of Camp Ruach L’banos had one matto girls should feel proud and happy to be a yid! Here at our camp, we don’t draw the line between ruchnius and gashmius it’s one thing! We enjoy the gashmius in an elevated way!! We make sure we are not forgetting our goals while giving out swag, going on trips, canteen, prizes, and all activities. The kids smiles and hakaras hatov is priceless! They enjoy every minute of camp with all the swag! Every camp in lakewood deserves around of applause, keeping the kids busy during the summer months. Please don’t talk negatively about camps that are not in any way going against halacha!
We directors all think sooo hard before we do something to make sure we create the right balance!
Hatzlacha to all, and may we stay safe and healthy rest of our summer!
Mrs. Rochel Garfinkel
Camp Ruach L’banos
It can’t be easy to work so so hard to run a camp and then keep being criticized. Thank you for sharing your perspective and that you work to keep the balance.
Much hatzlacha.
As a parent who sends to RLB, I can personally say that the ruchnius in RLB is one I haven’t seen as much of anywhere else!! It’s no wonder, that as part of my business serving many day camps, RLB is the one I enjoy servicing the most. The gashmius they over is given with ruchnius intentions, and there is so much meaning and yoddishkeit in every theme, activity, game, swag, song and everything else I’m a proud parent who not only sent my child there all the years, but also worked there as a high school girl for 4 years, and services them now, and each year I’m more and more impressed at the ruchnius they integrate into their theme and the hashkafa they instill in their campers in every activity and give out!! I couldn’t be prouder!! Thank you rochel and sarala!!!
I’ll add one more comment to Mrs. Garfinkel’s well written response. Although running camp is a full time 24-7 business (among her other responsibilities), Mrs. Garfinkel uses her position as a conduit for chessed as well. When I started my own girls day camp in my out of town city last summer, I called her for some guidance. Mrs. Garfinkel volunteered many many hours of her time to advise me and guide me, sharing her advice, sources, schedule, creativity, ideas and much more, all with enthusiasm and a constant smile. She was simply happy to help me be successful, and to ensure that a group of girls in a far away city would have a heightened summer in ruchniyus and gashmiyus, like the girls in RLB Lakewood. And I don’t think that I’m the only one who gained from her selflessness. It’s unbelievable (and unprecedented outside of the yiddishe world) for someone to share their “trade secrets” in such a manner. A camp that is run by someone like this, is being run Al Taharas HaKodesh, and you can trust that your daughters ruchniyus AND gashmiyus will be intact.
I’m in my 70’s and Lakewood unfortunately is not the Lakewood I remember of 30-50 years ago, when I was raising my family. I wish we could turn back the clock and have simple back yard daycamps, no restaurants, no fancy stores, no gashmius. It was a very happy time to live here then.
My son came home from camp with a
T-shirt that said, “My parents sent me to Camp “Omitted” & all i got was this stupid T-Shirt”
Awesome! Was waiting for someone to write this!!!
It’s just not the 1970’s a lot has changed. We gotta move with the times and keep looking forward. We can learn from the past but we live in the now. We are not going back there. Every time period has its unique challenges. The gashmius issue of our generation is not on the camps!! Why are we bashing the hard working camp owners???? These little chachkes that camps give out is not where our problem lies. I’m so grateful my daughter had an amazing time in a Lakewood teen camp this summer. I think it’s important for it to be cool to be a frum Jew. This may be what our kids need. Either way it’s small potatoes when it comes to the gashmius in our generation. Homes, cars, vacations, designer clothing, expensive jewelry, vs. some camp swag…. It’s just not the issue. Let’s all just go out and make someone happy today and try look at what good hard working camp directors are doing with an ayin Tovah!
I didn’t want that for my kids…so I sent my daughter to a backyard camp here in Lakewood, where she did not even get a T-shirt or a bag. She came home every day with a huge smile on her face. Do what works for you!!
As a former camp director of 25 years, I have witnessed first hand when camps ran without a cellphone (never mind text) or any graphics programs!! Imagine that! the busses were 15 minutes late and NOONE panicked! Bh times have changed and with it the current standards we enjoy today (how many ppl do you know have a cassette recorder or 35mm cameras these days?!!!). The updated features shouldn’t be held against the camps. Wouldn’t it be so much nicer to praise & thank your children’s camp directors & counselors!? Please stop calculating how much cheaper camp would be without swag’-your cheshbonos are waaay off! one cannot imagine the endless hours of planning & running a camp!!! Please stop bashing/spreading lashon hara & start thanking the camps YOU chose to send to! I personally want to thank Camp Shevach & Camp RLB for your outstanding program ruchnius & gashmius!! We should all join 1 camp BeH in Yerushalaim next year !
Miriam Ifrah
(CC forever in my heart!)