Letter: Update: I quit my job because of the office atmosphere

Earlier this week I sent in a letter to TLS about the atmosphere in my office and nisyonos I was enduring there due to a lack of tznius.

I saw a lot of the feedback, both the good and bad.

I want to thank those of you for the chizuk you gave me. I gave it a lot of thought, and decided it was best if I quit my job and find a new place to work. I handed in my resignation yesterday, and I believe I made the right choice. Parnasah comes from Hashem, and I have no doubt I will find something right for me.

Thank you TLS for running my letter (and the update should you choose to publish it).

Name withheld,


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  1. Wow! This is so impressive and will hopefully help others who are working in such an atmosphere. Hashem should bentch you with much Hatzlacha and parnossah since what you did was not easy. I am looking to hire and would like to speak with you. I can be reached at [email protected]

  2. You’re to be admired, praised and emulated. Hashem will help you in all the shidduchim you need–parnosseh and your zigum hagon!

  3. Yea! He handed in his resignation- before finding another job. Believe me: he’s not such a tzaddik; he must be a lazy reliefnik, a pity on his wife.

    • 1. You obviously didn’t read the original letter.
      2. I understand that you may not be holding there. but why mock someone who’s trying to grow closer to hashem?? – even if you feel that they are unbalanced. They are doing their best to come closer to hashem and will be rewarded as such.

    • To Motty,
      Imagine your daughter is the one writing this letter.
      By the way, why should it bother us that a certain person is maybe a drop more Frum, maybe has a drop more Bitachon than the average. Just like you do not want people to knock you, why should we hurt her feelings.

  4. I can’t believe this has to be said but no one should be making life altering decisions based on comments in the Lakewood Scoop. This is the sort of thing you should speak over with a Rebbi, Rebbizten, Morah, mentor, parent, therapist, or a mixture of these. You have no idea who is giving you advice here and they don’t know your actual situation. You must speak to someone older and experienced who knows you personally. What has this generation come to?

    • @Easy peasy. Really, I thought Daas Torah lives on the Lakewood scoop comments, especially from people with Chashuve names like mine (JOKE)

  5. Good for you! But I don’t anticipate that your letter will change anything. The men in our community don’t like to hear mussar. I am a lot older than you and also feel uncomfortable around many men these days. I suppose because they don’t learn about tzniyus in school they don’t recognize the “look at me! I’m a goy!” image that they portray.

  6. For all we know this advice may have been issued by a rav or a rabanit. I don’t think it’s a great idea to leave one place of employment until you have another place to go to. I think this particular letter writer would be best suited working from home. Hatzlacha.

  7. When tight clothing exposes a woman’s figure, it’s an issue of tznius. When a man does it, it’s exhibitionism. Making a woman see it is a form of harassment. The young men dressing like this think they’re just being fashionable and edgy. They don’t realize how they’re making women feel.

    • The disorder of exhibitionism can also be when a women dresses in a non tznius fashion. Ask a competent mental health professional. It’s just more acceptable. Someone who at work is fixated on others people’s body’s of any gender might want to look in to addiction or other related disorders

    • No. Because men are only busy with women’s problems(AKA Tznius), not men’s. Because then they would also have to deal with themselves.

  8. Hey anonymous, a goy here. FYI though I dress as I please in my own home if one of my Jewish neighbors asks for a hand I always make sure I dress appropriately before going to their home. Always pants and a shirt out of respect for their beliefs. It’s called respect. Your looking down on us just because we dress differently is very disrespectful and is what causes problems between our communities.

  9. This too is is as stupid as the wig topic…
    If ur noticing a man’s pants is too tight ur looking too closely…
    If ur noticing a Wilson is wearing a lace too wig, ur looking too closely.

    In both cases U are in the wrong!

    • Or perhaps, the atmosphere in the office was cultivating an unavoidable and unhealthy closeness.

      I’ve worked in a Lakewood office where I was addressed by my first name by women, and to my standard – I find this inappropriate.

      And judging by the provided description of the clothing worn there, it fits right in with the attitude.

      Maybe do some inner reflection as to why you’re getting defensive. If to your standard it’s acceptable – good luck to you. Why does that make it stupid for someone who finds it offensive?

  10. I’m glad you did what feels right!
    As a joke – It seems like my pants have gotten tight from all the Kiddush food I’ve been eaten.
    Trying to cut back on eating Carbs. Not easy since I also like beer.

  11. Hey speechless, if only you would live up to your name. A women’s dress is a clear Tznius issue as it is provoking to every single man. While men walking around in tightly fitted clothes is also an issue of Tznius as it calls attention, something very inappropriate in an environment in which men and women work together.

  12. What a beautiful kiddush HaShem .
    Any girl who is brave enough and strong in her hashkofos on any Tznius issue that she doesn’t feel perfectly comfortable with who is willing to leave a job etc will have special merits in Heaven and will be treasured by HaShem and is setting a great example for others to emulate !

  13. I thought the Lakewood Scoop edits comments. i must say that I’m shocked at the disdain and mockery some letter writers are expressing. Please remember that this is the Lakewood Scoop. Lakewood is a town that is a beacon to the rest of the frum community. If bloggers knock down those that express issues of virtue, do your due diligence by censoring their comments.

  14. Because of your sacrifice for the sake of Hashem and His mitzvos, may Hashem send you your ultimate full time dream job to very soon becoming a dedicated wife and mother.

  15. I repect you for standing up for your views despite the fact that i think something is wrong with your head if thats where your brain goes……

    • Maybe do some research, why did Peninah in Nach get punished, if she meant it LeShem Shamaim?
      Maybe ask your Rav to explain to you the answer to this question.

Comments are closed.