By RDD –

I wanted to share a suggestion and mindset that may help some of us stressing a bit too much about having enough Mishloach Manos to give out.

I find that every year I’m busy trying to make sure that I make enough, but not too many because there has to be a limit somewhere, right??

But help, where do I draw the line?

I happen to live now in a smaller neighborhood so I really need to cover all my neighbors for starters (don’t worry, small enough to handle). But when I lived in a bigger neighborhood it was daunting.

Who makes the list?

Who can i knock off?

And then there’s my married siblings. And my husband’s siblings.

And what about my coworkers, my friends, the families that are probably receiving a few and could use another, the single friends that I don’t want to forget either, the Rabbeim and Rabbanim and askanim and….Ahhhhhhh, the list doesn’t stop.

Purim comes whether I am ready or not and my MMs are ready to roll with my finalized list and addresses lined up for delivery. Breathe.

Suddenly there’s a knock on the door and a friend/relative/acquaintance/person I didn’t speak to in a year but I was one of her closest friends/chesed girl etc shows up smiling with a really thoughtful mishloach manos. I’m touched. No really. I am.

But a little butterfly starts twitching in my stomach.

Panic.
Awkward.
Help.

I didn’t prepare one for this friend.

Instincts kick in. Run to the table, quickly grab some pieces from other Mishloach Manos and throw them into an empty bag.

Or better yet, tell the kids to take the fully wrapped and prepared one we just got from the Feldman family and pull off the label, check for signs of obvious recycling, and hand it to the unaccounted for at the door.

Pray they don’t realize.

Breathe as you close the door behind them.
Repeat with the next knock on the door.

As the recipient of some of these “clearly you weren’t expecting me throw someone else’s stuff at me” mishloach manoses over the years, and as someone that has been at the door not sure what to give my unexpected arrivals, I thought there maybe could be an overall new mindset that can alleviate this panic and discomfort.

I suggest as follows:

1. Prepare 1 – 3 extra Mishloach manos for unexpected guests. You can do more but you really don’t need to especially if you’ve already maxed out.

2. Have something caring but non-mishloach manos available to give to people that show up unaccounted for.
Some ideas I’ve done or seen done are:
-Make a few kugels and give a hot or warm piece of kugel to eat.
-Make a chocolate cake and give a piece of yummy fresh cake
-Make or buy cookies and hand them one or 2 cookies for snacking
– Buy an extra bag of candies or gumballs and hand out to the kids that come to the door
– Hand out quarters to the kids like they used to do back in the day
– Make or have your kids make Happy Purim Cards to hand to anyone that comes to the door unaccounted for
– Print happy Purim stickers and put them on waterbottles and hand them to anyone that comes to the door unaccounted for
-come up with your own ideas too and share them in the comments

3. What you should NOT offer to people that come to your doors, especially bachurim, is alcohol. You have no idea who is struggling with what and it’s best not to offer that drink, as geshmak and purimdik as it is. Leave the drinks to the purim parties and mesibas and not to the people that come to deliver mishloach manos.

When you deliver Mishloach Manos:

1. Understand that the person you are giving to may not have been able to account for you whether financially or just practically because they had to draw a line and cut out many people that they love and care about.
Be ok with that. It’s not personal.

2. Make sure your body language at delivery doesn’t give off that you are waiting for a Mishloach Manos in return. Hand yours over, wish them happy Purim, and turn to leave. If they have for you they will tell you to wait a minute. If your kids are the ones delivering tell them to do the same.

It almost always isn’t a personal slight but a practical limitation when you aren’t on the list. (This goes for simcha invites too, by the way!)

Do not take it personally. Remember, they need to limit somewhere and still care very much about you and appreciate you thinking about them!

I’d love to hear if anyone has more ideas to help the mindset and the practicality of not being able to churn out as many Mishloach Manos as we’d like to!

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