I know as I pen this, there will be many views on the matter, and I know the comments will be flooded with controversial opinions. Yet, I feel compelled to speak on behalf of the many who feel the way I feel.
It’s no secret that being a teenager in today’s world is unfathomable. Let alone, being a teenager growing up in Lakewood, a hub for so much social pressure and standards. (Don’t get me wrong, I have tons to praise Lakewood about, but right now I am focusing on the social pressure.)
As a mother of a high school girl in a local bais yaakov school, I am well aware of the social pressure amongst the girls when it comes to clothing, gadgets, vacation……And rosh chodesh sweaters!! My heart especially bleeds when my daughter tells me “Ma, I don’t want to go to school today because it’s rosh chodesh and I don’t have any cute sweaters I can wear today and everyone is going to be wearing x and x brand and I don’t want to be the only one not wearing it.” True story. She cried and begged me not to make her go to school. And what happened the next week? We went shopping to get her a “Rosh chodesh” sweater for school. Oh, but guess what happened the next month? “Ma, I can’t wear the same sweater, it’s socially off and everyone will know we can’t afford to get more brand name clothing and it’s a 2 day rosh chodesh!” through her tears, “Ma, you don’t get it, I just can’t, I need another rosh chodesh sweater!! And a brand name one!!”
What are we doing to our girls? Yes, it’s beautiful that the girls get to wear a nice top for rosh chodesh, I agree. And there are those who may venture to say that this is a great way where we are “Teaching the girls to be their own person and not feel the need to give in to the social pressure and it’s a good test in life.” Well, has anyone, in the history of wearing non-uniform tops on rosh chodesh, ever bump into a girl who actually said “Wow, yes, rosh chodesh taught me that I don’t always have to go with the flow, I can be my own person!” I have yet to meet a teen, post high school or young mother who says that.
Another topic, melave malka clothing. Most schools by now have changed their policy to wearing uniforms to melave malka and chagigas, but the schools that have not, what are we teaching our girls? What am I supposed to tell my daughter when she tells me “I don’t want to go to the melave malka cuz I don’t know what to wear.” I was in school once also, I honestly don’t have a response for her. Why do we need to make it so hard for our girls, they already are living in a generation with so much pressure and challenges, why this also? Again, when, in the history of girls wearing shabbos clothing to melave malka, did anyone meet someone that said “Yes, wearing shabbos clothing to melave malka taught me such a valuable lesson about the kedusha of motzei shabbos and I feel it would not have been the same atmosphere if we were all in uniforms and white shirts.” Haven’t met that person yet.
I know many many people reading this will have other opinions, some will say that it depends which school you are in, some schools don’t have the pressure, some will say it’s a Lakewood thing and I am more than welcome to move out of town, some will say their daughter looks forward to it and makes her feel so good and special, some will say it boosts their daughters confidence, some will say I should send my daughter to therapy if she is so insecure….And many other more comments. But I know, that there are going to be many many mothers who will relate to this and I am here to be a voice for them.
Principals, mechanchos, those reading this, we beg of you, let’s abolish rosh chodesh sweaters, it’s so much more simple when it’s a white shirt like elementary school and boys schools! Let’s abolish shabbos clothing at melave malka, uniform with white shirt does just as much! Let’s make our daughters feel at ease and lets focus on bigger and better things for their journey of growth in your mosdos hakodesh!
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Can’t agree with you more! Doubt this letter will change anything but as a mother of many girls the pressures are beyond! These changes would definitely help lessen some of the pressure. Let’s see which school will be the “nachshon”.
Oros does not have this. At all
Maybe homeschool?
Well said!
I’m not saying that you don’t have a valid point, but my feeling is that if it weren’t this issue, it would be something else.
I think what would be the best thing for your daughter is to follow the Life With Bitachon Hotline, which you should listen to also, because it will give her and you the tools of how to deal with these challenges and pressures and how to grow from them rather than to run over by them.
So in this example with the Rosh Chodesh sweaters, if your daughter were following the Life With Bitachon hotline, she would have a # of tools to choose from that would have given her a sense of menuchas hanefesh instead of not wanting to go to school.
Having been in that frustrating situation where I didn’t know what to where and didn’t have what to wear, I would tell myself that it’s up to Hashem if I find chein in people’s eyes or not, and so whatever I wear is going to be beautiful and perfect and everyone is going to like it.
There were other times when I really needed something new, and I had emubah and Bitachon that Hashem is going to help me find something to buy that I’ll be happy with that’s within my price range. Or if it’s not, than He’ll provide me with the money for it. And Hashem always comes through for me.
And there are many more tools that have transformed my life as well as many other people’s lives.
The # to the hotline is 732 719 3898. You don’t have to listen to it if you don’t want to, obviously, but I can tell you that you’ll find that situations like these will become opportunities to coming closer to Hashem and growing as a person, as opposed to a source of stress and aggravation over a situation that there is little anyone can do to control or change, because if it weren’t this, it would be something else.
My Rov doesn’t approve of it, says we’re not on that madreiga to live that way. Some people crash after realizing they aren’t being honest with themselves & it’s psychologically very harmful. A person can become unbalanced when they try living on a higher madreiga then they are ready for.
I don’t know who your Rav is but please don’t post disparaging remarks about a hotline that has helped so any people, myself included, grow in bitachon. Maybe he told you that for you. I don’t know the context but listening to 1 lesson at a time and growing is something that will change your life. I only started recently but it’s small bite sized lessons that are clear and concise. Chovos Halevavos is something we should all be learning.
I don’t know who your rav is or if he ever listened to the hotline, but from your comment it sounds like not. This isn’t about “madreigos” it’s about growing in your relationship with Hashem and becoming a bigger better happier healthier person.
If you’re not on a high enough madreiga to improve your life, be my guest and wallow in misery and pain as much as you like. It certainly doesn’t affect me or the thousands of other people who feel loved, cared for, watched and protecting by Hashem and see Him in their every day life.
He’s a well known Baal Eitza in Lakewood. He didn’t listen to it but had to deal with people hurt by imagining they were on a higher madreiga of Emunah & Bitochon then they were, after listening to it. In this example, many teen girls are very socially conscious & aren’t yet on the madreiga of bitochon to ignore social norms in a healthy way.
Ignoring your true needs by acting as though you’re on such a high level of bitochon that you don’t need it can lead to a mental crash down the road. Promising a life of bliss & happiness is very appealing to people especially when they are most vulnerable.
If you or your Rav never listened to the hotline than you shouldn’t be commenting about something you don’t know anything about.
The Life With Bitachon Hotline gives people the tools of how to get through all types of difficult and stressful situations in life. It has nothing to do with being on a high level, it has to do with growing as a person and growing in your relationship with Hashem. From your comments it sounds like you don’t even know if these people who your Rav supposedly had to deal with even listened to a Life With Bitachon Hotline or something else, because anyone who listens to the hotline wouldn’t be speaking about imagining being on a “higher level” of emunah and Bitachon than they really are.
Maybe you should listen to it and get an understanding of what it’s all about instead of negating something based on no information except for a few people who you don’t even know if they listened to the hotline or to something else.
I’m not saying you don’t have a valid point, you do, however try telling an 8th grader to work on her bitachon as a substitute for societal pressure…
I fully agree. Appropriate Bitachon makes the difficulties of life much more bearable. At the same time, the letter writer is 100% correct to ask the school leadership to lower the pressure on those living on a lower income. Bitachon is a lifelong avodah. I would never allow my child to get hadracha from a hotline no matter how popular.
I never said to tell an 8th grader to work on her emunah and Bitachon in place of societal pressure. I said that the Life With Bitachon Hotline gives people the tools of how to deal with societal pressure so they don’t get steamrollered by it.
I already gave examples in my first comment of how I would have used the tools I hear on the Life With Bitachon Hotline to deal with the pressures of a Rosh Chodesh sweater, which had nothing to do with ignoring societal pressure, but rather working with it to grow as a person and grow in my relationship with Hashem, which is what the societal pressure is there for to begin with.
You are, I’m assuming a mature adult who understands the limits of bitachon. Not everyone understands this.
I will give you an example that I pernoally heard on the hotline. A question was posed to the hotline by a young teenage girl as follows: My friends all come home from school & retell their day to their mother’s who patiently listen to them. My mother shows no interest in my day & pays no attention to what I have to say & this makes me feel very sad, what should I do?
Life with bitochon answer: “You have a loving tatti in Shomayim who’s extremely interested in hearing about your day. Everyday when you come home from school, go to your room & tell over to your Tatti in Shomayim everything that happened to you that day! You will then feel a tremendous simcha knowing how interested He is in your life.” There’s no reason to feel sad about this anymore.
Dear anonymous, Is this the answer you would give this girl? Is this a healthy madreiga to advise her to live by? Or does she need to find a live person to talk about her day to?
There are Tmimusdik people who are taking this information really seriously & it could be damaging.
So if we shelter kids by not allowing any situation of social pressure what happens when they grow up and go to a wedding or any other event where there are other people without a dress code? Will they go into credit card debt to buy a designer dress because they dont know how to handle social pressure? Seems like maybe the social pressure problem in adults was because they were not taught as kids how to deal with it.
Yes. That is the problem in society today. Everyone thinks they need to have as big and fancy aa house as the uber wealthy. Tomorrow they want an airplane like Trump as well.
You must be a lot of fun at parties
What compelled you to write this beautiful comment of yours
Everything is true If you don’t have a way how to deal with it such as Anonymous said w Bitachon hotline etc. Only other advise would be to move to an out of town community
That’s where they shine and don’t suffer from this
Hatzlacha!
I would politely disagree.
Social pressure exists everywhere, regardless of where you live. The exact form varies based on the community.
SO TRUEEeee!!
I really agree with this! Maybe call the schools, cuz which principals are online?! Please call them! It is a huge chessed for the whole entire Lkwd! Even the rich people!
I literally just told my daughter I think I’m gonna call the school to request to abolish this Rosh Chodesh pressure!! When I was in school we had this pressure as well and this same school I went to has since changed the rule to white blouse for Rosh Chodesh. Totally not necessary in todays society!!!!
Wait, why are you buying her any shabbos clothes or clothing for sunday? Maybe she’ll meet someone for school and maybe she’ll be wearing the same outfit she wore 5 weeks before. Oy very. And now we need uniforms for the summer too.
Maybe your daughter needs a different school.
Maybe you’re out of touch with the types of conversations girls are having every single day. On the bus. By recess. During lunch. On the phone. This is all they talk about. So much for Lakewood being the place where Torah and Yiddishkeit spreads to the rest.
A lot of people actually do go to credit card debt because of it. Based on comment above, 75 percent of Lakewood didn’t learn how to deal with social pressure as a child, because seems that majority of people very much makpid to be dressed latest style.
Am I the only one that has never heard of a rosh chodesh sweater?!
Best answer is for the wealthiest parents to work with their kids so they come in sensible regular clothes. Friend of mine had a billionaire’s kid in his class. There was no pressure like this in his class because that kid did not try. Everyone else knew they’d never be able to compete and that kid did not even try…so while the class above and below had these pressures… they did not.
It’s not from the uber wealthy. It’s from the average family that can and wants to appear wealthier then they are.
This!! Yell this from the rooftops!! It’s usually not the actually Uber wealthy that are creating the pressure. It’s the middle class that feels the need to copy the wealthy.
Exactly my point!!!!
In my daughters school you are allowed to wear a rosh chodesh sweater, but so many don’t for various reasons, like not having “cute ones”. (I never heard thr brand name was thr issue)
Same difference.
My daughter’s Lakewood HS did away with the rosh chosesh sweater a few years ago
The social pressure has become so strong that the families that don’t have don’t look much different than the families that do. When I grew up many years ago we all knew who the rich kids were and we knew good and well (especially if your father was a rebbe like mine) that we wouldn’t be getting what they had. We got nice things my mother always liked nicer things and found them for cheaper. But no I didn’t get Designer items on sale that were still way above budget. I’m not sure what the answer is but the issue is definitely getting worse.
It really goes on how you raise your child. If you raise them closed off to the society close by so you can raise them by your standards they will eventually want to “break free”. But if you raise them by your standards and socially accept them to the area around you they may learn to be like others but it won’t be a big deal. They’ll be used to not being like the other people and they will also be aware of the other option but they won’t care because it’s no secret for them they don’t wake up and learn to be otherwise because since they were very little they knew of it all and they simply grew up on it, and people don’t like leaving their comfort zone, so once the other zone is not a big deal most of the time they’ll stay the same!!!
That only works when they reach a level of maturity to understand and grasp reality. Not when they are in 9th grade and pushed to the side and treated like an outcast.
@shmendrick if you start when they are toddlers then by 9th grade it’s not an issue anymore.
Not true.
Yes! This is my thoughts! My daughter goes to school on Rosh Chodesh with cute sweaters and sweatshirt bought at target and H&M. She wears them with confidence because she chose them bec they were her style and not bec of the brand or bec other girls had them. When you build your children’s inner self worth then they don’t feel the need to do what they think other expect from them but rather what they want to! This helps them in every area of life! It is not easy to bring up kids this way and a lot of parents give into the social pressures themselves and are therefore creating the same issues with their children. And while I agree wholeheartedly that bitachon helps in every situation, in this case the hishtadlus needs to be chinch at home and then saying “I’ve done my part and Hashem will do the rest”.
Why don’t you move out of town!? We read so many of these letters and wonder why people don’t move out to the bnei torah out of towns like Detroit or Waterbury
I have 9 daughters , live in Lakewood and have no idea what you are talking about,
Maybe you’re oblivious.!!!
Maybe help out at home more
And what happens once they get married?
I guess that is why everyone walks around with the same clothing, stroller, coat etc. because no one ever learns….
Exactly the problem. And it’s not a new problem, just keeps getting worse.
In BY of Balto the Hanhala knows that some girls come from families of limited means. The principals & teachers “look out” for them by sending gift certifcates to the girl’s homd. Donated by the frum in style stores . This way they dont have to be embarrassed. They send them before Yom Tov and other times during the year. I think this is an Amazing IDEA!! My friend told me about it. Lakewood could and should implement something like that here.
I think it would make the problem worse-kids would then think “well everybody has it” and it would drive the issue even further
They are looking out for girls who have uniforms that are a size too small, skirts with no pleats etc. they want to make girls feel good about themselves – not provide extra luxuries. Completely different situation
Wow, Baruch Hashem for having grown up out-of-town! I had no clue that it’s this bad anywhere! Obviously, most girls probably cared about looking “cute” in the school I attended (and yes, I cared too), but it was what can be called at a low level – the minimum amount one would expect of any average teenager; (generally speaking at least – I’m sure some girls cared tremendously). I myself never even noticed who was wearing designer clothing!
I hope this letter creates change in the schools that don’t have this policy.
Tell me about it! My Tu Bishvat shoes are slightly worn so now I need new ones and my 1st day chol hamoed socks got a hole in them; BH the rest of the days chol hamoed socks are fine. Oh and don’t get me started on my Arbor day belt. This needs to stop before my Shabbos mincha pocket square design becomes so last season.
I was in evergreen on Rosh Chodesh and all of the sudden my third grader asked me “ma, what type high school is ‘alo’?
I was confused until she said there are so many high school girls here and their school sweater says ‘alo’ is it a big high school???
Pour out the bathwater with the baby in it. That’s what abolishing the Rosh Chodesh sweater suggests. Girls need to feel unique occasionally and a refined, pretty article of clothing gives them a boost. There is nothing wrong with a HS girl earning money by babysitting or doing small jobs and applying that towards clothing that gives her that lift. Spoken as a mother who BH put a few daughters through HS.
Great point! High school girls should be earning their own spending money for extras. Watch how they learn to be responsible and tell themselves no when it’s their own hard-earned money they have to spend.
No. No. They need to have 5 hours of homework, 6 days a week.
That’s not a school issue. That’s a chinuch issue. Your job as a parent is to be mechanech your girls the way you think is right.
Signed: mother of a few highschool girls!
This!!!!
ditto
Signed, another mother of a few high school girls in a more with-it high school
My oldest daughter handled it well, my second did not not and my third daughter dreads it. It’s not a parenting thing. If it was then all my daughters would handle it the same. Maybe all your daughters are the same type and lucky you and you can pride yourself in your parenting. I believe that I am a great mother and my daughters have a healthy upbringing, but they are all different and I believe the writer of this is referring to the girls that have a harder time and are less secure. It’s more about security then about pressure
Please stop blaming everyone else and asking them to make the change for you. You want less materialism? Make the change for yourself. Say no to your daughter. Remember the Power of One. Every mother who lowers the standard an inch is helping the world. We are BEGGING each individual to lower their own standard and STOP blaming everyone else.
You can blame the school, you can point fingers at the parents, you can say it’s the students problem, it’s a joint effort and there’s no debating that. Parents can be amazing, but schools have an agenda, and girls can be great but parents have an agenda… Is a joint effort
You hit the nail on the head. My daughter is a great girl but when it comes to clothing asked my wife recently where did we go wrong. Shoes, booties, sweaters, makeup, leggings, socks, etc….. where does it end .
The answer is that WE didn’t go wrong. We just need to set the example and dress and wear what is Tznius and refined and daven with tears that out children will see and learn from the way we live.(that’s if we actually are setting the right example)
To be clear, to my above comment, with all the issues we have, we are no different than any other big city yams we have our issues. That being said, Lakewood also has the most amazing מעלות that no where else has. So while my kid may need booties and sweaters, they don’t know what instagrams, twitter, or Facebook is. I will take bootoes amd sweaters over instagram and twitter and Facebook anyday!!
They don’t know what Instagram is? The lakewood girls know better than anyone else!
You are living under the proverbial rock. Especially dangerous for your girls if you think that Lakewood girls are immune to these things as you are less likely to give them training on how to deal With the issues of technology. (Facebook is not a thing anymore anywhere btw. Your daughters probably know that).
Bais shaindel doesn’t do Rosh Chodesh sweaters, not even white shirts,
This doesn’t correct the issue. It just puts a small bandaid on a huge cut. The issue is that parents need to chinuch their children with the correct priorities!!!
The pressure is absolutely a real thing. And the girls do have to deal with the brunt of it. But it’s not the schools and it’s not the kids. In most cases, it’s the parents. The parents set the culture of the home. If parents create a happy, healthy, and confident home, that would solve a lot.
Exactly!!!!!!
I can confidently say that we bh have a healthy happy warm house for our children, and the pressure is still real
If the reality is that every single person has to wear a brand x sweater (which I doubt), then it might actually be preferable for her to stay home.
If there was an event that called for attire that didn’t fit my values, I would stay home.
You don’t have to buy something that you feel is wrong. She can pay if it’s so important to her.
I agree with the first half of uour comment. The second sort of contradicts. If I don’t want my daughter thinking that the brand name sweater is important or aligning with my values I don’t want her buying it with her own money either.
The difference is in your money vs her money.
As an adult I don’t believe that money should be wasted on something that can be purchased of perfect quality at half the price. However, you can acknowledge that it’s very important to her. It’s not assur and I wouldn’t forbid her from buying it.
I think that what parents spend on is viewed by their children as necessity (ie if a mother has cleaning help every day the children don’t think it’s a luxury, and will need the same). Allowing the child to pay for it sends the message, this is not a necessity, and I understand you want it very much, so you can choose if it’s worth your hard-earned money.
My parents didn’t have much extra money to spend on luxuries, so I babysat and bought what I felt was important. It helped me understand the value of money.
(I’ve heard of a practical idea that the parent will spend the standard price of the item and the child can spend/split the difference to upgrade. This sounds reasonable.)
I just want to add to my comment above that you sound like a great mother.
My kids are still young and I hope that the situation improves by the time we get to HS! Either way there will always be challenges and I hope we can all withstand. Wishing you the best!
stop blaming everyone else for this problem, and work on how to build your daughter who is clearly lacking confidence and self-esteem. take it easy for goodness sake, and maybe you shouldve thought it through where your sending your daughter to highschool, cuz it sounds pretty toxic to me. you should help your daughter feel comfortable for who she is, and not for what she has…
stop blaming everyone else for this problem, and work on how to build your daughter who is clearly lacking confidence and self-esteem. take it easy for goodness sake, and maybe you shouldve thought it through where your sending your daughter to highschool, cuz it sounds pretty toxic to me. you should help your daughter feel comfortable for who she is, and not for what she has…
I’m guessing you don’t have HS daughters. We live out of town bh and social pressure for clothing is very low level. I do have many nieces in Lakewood who are being raised in wonderful families and truly don’t care deeply about these things. But there is a level of necessity in needing to fit in which is important in any HS, and the Lakewood schools have a much higher standard for that. I always suggest to my siblings that they give my nieces a budget that will cover 2 or 3 of those items and leave it to them to choose which ones. It helps with learning that just because “everyone” had “everything” doesn’t mean that that’s ok for us, but it allows them to participate like everyone else while prioritizing what the most important items are to them, and hopefully helping them do the same once they are adults
There’s one antidote, it’s not more rules it’s not more takanos,
We need more ruchniyus
If you gave satisfaction & feel a sense of purpose beyond your attire, all this nonsense falls to the wayside, no matter your age
yes! as a brother of three girls i can truly say it affects one of my sisters a lot and another one just a bit but the other not at all. now, the one it affects a lot still understands that in my house we dont waste money on name brands although we might at times spend an extra buck on something that might last a bit longer however namebrands arent necessarily better quality, so with her understanding that and with being raised in a house where we constantly reiterate the importance of doing the right thing as opposed to following everything everyone else does without thinking it through if it makes sense or not, it definitely makes the whole situation easier. i remember an old man once told me change the world starting by yourself, which is what i live by. when i see an issue in a community i live in or the town i live in, i look at it as an opportunity to grow, i make it my issue and figure out the best way i can deal with this issue and become a stronger person through the situation. so a case like this which i agree is an unfortunate problem that arises in every generation and even in places other than lakewood on different scales and different forms, i look at it as a challenge to grow and teach myself and the ones around me not to fall to the pressure and we dont care what everyone else is doing! remember Noach? in his generation EVERYONE was stealing and doing all sorts of bad which they would be moireh heter and explain how it was fine! being too into gashmiyus can also be answered up but i would rather choose to go lifnim meshuras hadin and survive in the ark of our generation rather be mixed in to the mabul of gashmiyus that everyone else is. and hey, noachs kids seemed to be on the same page as him, they also got saved, so when the mother isnt busy getting the most ‘in’ shaitel or dress or whatever ladies are very careful to get to fit ‘in’ and the father doesnt need the same equinox or newest camry or the fancy car whatever is ‘in’ now and doesnt need to extend his house or upgarde his dining room, whatever guys have to do to be ‘with it’ each on his own social pressure scale (im just giving examples but everyone can figure out one thing they are doing only because they have friends family or neighbors) so if the parents would give in on their own needs, like my parents do, as they know we are just passing through like the chafetz chaim once said (he was living before 8th day), so the kids grow up thinking ‘out of the box’ so to call it and arent running to be like yenem rather to do whats right and what makes sense! and like i said it affects one of my sisters still but when my parents tell her No she understands and moves on. so, i dont like blaming the parents always, so therefore im not, im just giving advice that may help! and experience and history have shown you cant fix the situation you can only make yourself the best possible self in each situation. hope these words of wisdom and personal experience can reach the right person whos looking to grow rather than finding excuses why they are not. hatzlacha rabba!
you know what? If you want to be fancy, I will tell you how;)
some brands you might need:
alo, cuz lululemon is out of style, rudsak, mackage, moncler, moose knuckles, canada goose- YES you need tonz of coats! For shoes, you need tods! and dont forget to wear louibiton and dior!
Every yid must realize the value of being a YID!
Homeschooling might be your answer!. Have a wonderful Shabbat.
Deeply sick society of consumption identity through consumption. This is America. You cannot be happy unless you find identity and purpose not just outside of this, but in opposition to it. Secular or religious does not make much of a difference if this is what the concerns of a religious society are. The problem is within the head.
I feel sorry for you and your daughter. I remember when we bought houses on yehsivish blocks 20 some odd years ago, and now all those yeshivish houses are new monstrosities, or just massive. Are we going to do the same if we can’t afford it? Should we tell the township not to let people build big homes?? If your daughters friends have brand name sweaters, and she can’t handle not having one, she can babysit and pay for it herself. You do NOT have to give in to her every demand. It doesn’t end. What are your values and what are you teaching her?
Will you tell the school to ban briefcases because some buy brand names? What about shoes? Pocket books? Hair accessories! It’s not the rosh chodesh sweater at all!!!!!a
Think about it
Great in theory. Just don’t complain when the police come knocking because your daughter needed the sweater anyway. She stuck in her briefcase at the mall.
What’s the big deal for the schools to abolish this?
Sounds like it would be a tremendous chesed for the community.
Yes, there will be more such nisyonos when school ends, but I was also once in high school. Nothing compares to the peer pressure of a vulnerable high school girl in any area, all the more so with the brand name clothing pressure these days.
i have been wondering now for a long time WHY DONT THE PRINCIPLES JUST ABOLISH IT???? and if anyone says that their daughters school doesnt have that pressure they obviously dont know what each girl is feeling. everyone is different and some girls dont flinch from the pressure which is very nice. but what about the girls that do get pressured by everything around them??????? do them a favor and ABOLISH THE ROSH CHODESH SWEATERS???
Can’t agree more???? So we abolish rosh chodesh sweaters & then all problem solved?
That’s not sounding real
The next issue is what to wear on Sunday, then is midwinter attire and destination
C’mon
This is ridiculous
Face the REAL issue
Maybe send your daughter to a school that is more aligned with your Hashkafos and social-economic standards. Or move out of town to a less gashmiyus city.