Letter: Tears of My 7-Year-Old Sitting Home Without a Yeshiva

To Menahalim, Mechanchim,  Principals, Educators and all of Klal Yisrael.

There are too many yiddishe neshamos that are crying from deep pain. They are without a school, sitting at home while their peers were accepted to school. They were not accepted to no fault of their own. Is it their issue that Klal Yisroel is having politics regarding where one lives and in what area (Lakewood vs. Toms River, Boro Park vs. Flatbush) how much money the parents earn and where they daven?

A little child cannot defend themselves let alone fend for themselves.

Open your eyes, ears and hearts. Watch what is going on around you. These children are the future generation of Klal Yisroel. All people including children are made up of different qualities. We are all here to work on ourselves, as noone is perfect. Whose achrayus is it to say with these children chinuch habanim stops (we do not teach those)! We are proud to say we are the chosen nation. How are we the elite discriminating against our own? Ignoring this problem does not eliminate it. Were we not created as anashim rachmanim? Where is our rachmanus at this point? Also bayshanim. Where is our busha our embarrassment? Wouldn’t you rather be the school to boast “we are the school that can give each child what they need.” We are responsible to raise our children and teach them to respect their teachers, elders and the Torah. How hypocritical, when the team supposed to be helping to raise the next generation of yiddishe neshamos is only one-sided. The chinuch part is just directed for those who are considered better, richer and seemingly perfect.

Also, maybe it’s the fact that they are hiring inexperienced mechanim with methods and discipline that is too harsh or inappropriate. Our children are not growing up with proper role-models. How do we expect them to grow up as healthy, functioning  adults and future parents.

We must not keep quiet, create the noise that will turn to change. This is not about money or prestige. This is about the real tears of my 7 year old sitting at home without a yeshiva. He feels alone and hopeless. He wants to be amongst his peers.

We hope that the change will come quickly before children like him without a place to learn will chas v’shalom be roaming the crime ridden streets.

Please hear the cries.

A Brokenhearted Caring Yiddishe Mame Trying Her Best

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36 COMMENTS

  1. In the same letter where you beg to be accepted you choose to knock the chinuch. Look in the mirror as to why your child wasn’t accepted. It’s not because you’re not rich. It’s because you have no respect for the system and you express that to those around you.

  2. I was speaking to a TR Ben Torah the other day and said he had to pay a large sum of MONEY to get his son Into a School in lkwd this is no way we should be teach our children!

  3. Fact!

    System is – and has been corrupt since forever.

    It’s no surprise that more and more parents are resorting to home schooling.

    Nuf said

  4. Guess what I know personally of a family that got so scared of the school situation that he didn’t even try but enrolled his children into public schools in Toms River. FOR SHAME on us that this is what it has come to. Move out of Lakewood everyone its overcrowded.

    • without knowing the specifics I can confidently say, that this is not an example of the system failing someone, rather it is an example of a person justifying what they wanted to do anyways by pointing at the system.
      Like the old adage “you don’t have kashas (in your emunah) you have terutzim”

  5. I don’t know the specifics of this case but all too often what happens is that people act they way they want, dress the way they want, go wherever they want and in general live a life that while I’m not judging them as it’s between them and Hashem however they shouldn’t complain when they can’t get into schools….if you don’t care enough about your kids getting into school to change the way you dress and act why should anyone else??

  6. This is a lie. Did this person reach out to the vaad? There are tons of options. Don’t be picky. Go to a newer school. Don’t be stubborn about which school you need to send. If you decide to hold out then you can’t blame the whole community

  7. I feel the pain in the mothers writing. It’s all too real. But at the same time there is more to the story. I agree the child deserves no blame. But it’s the parent’s responsibility; not the school or the child. Now to the real question. What’s the real story? Is it your tznius or level of Yiddishkeit? If it’s as simple as you say we all support you. But if it’s more that you are purposely obfuscating and trying to push onto the yeshivos than shame on you.

  8. And you want your kid in a school that doesn’t want him? Schools that need hard cold cash before they accept your son is a place to go for chinuch? Schools that are so exclusionary and dismissive should help shape your son’s development? And the kids who are formed and developed in such places would be good friends to your child? This is the best thing for your child. You have the opportunity to teach him about being a genuine and true eved Hashem, to do the right thing because it is the right thing, and choose to become a real ben aliyah. Rav Eliyahshav and Rav Ovadia Yosef and the Chazon Ish figured it out without play dates and color war and raffles and your son can too if you help him and believe in him. He may not spend all day talking with friends about sports and the best white shirts but maybe there is more to becoming a gavra rabba than pizza and prizes and keeping up with the Steins.

  9. Very often it is the parents stubbornness that create the problem
    They chose schools that are not suited to them for many reasons just because it is the the “in” school. First know who you are what you stand for and where you belong.
    It is easy to bash the system and blame it all on money. Although imperfect the system works. And to all the bashers why don’t you start a school where everyone will be accepted?

  10. There was a time when jews believed in educating all jewish children. Not anymore. Now it’s about what box do you it in, how you dress etc. The children are all children of hashem. Therefore, they deserve a full and complete torah education. While it’s possible the parents may not fit in a box, that doesn’t mean the children should be punished. Ultimately that’s what is happening. This is the problem. As a side note, a rosh yeshiva wanted me to go to a yeshiva that makes him look good, where his alumni go to certain yeshiva. B’h I didn’t got there. It was not the place for me. I’m B’h happy and my children are in main stream yeshivos. No thanks to the rosh yeshiva. No I don’t fit into every box, but I am able to be a true jew that chooses to ask gedolei rabbanim for direction on a regular basis. That is more important than the box.

  11. I am ashamed to see the replies to this parent!

    Do you know who only accepts and loves perfect tzadikim?

    The SATAN.

    Remember when brothers used clothing as an excuse to throw Jewish children into a pit of snakes and scorpions?

    Sure, send your kids to the schools where they dump the children from broken homes, why be picky?

    There is one reason why this is happening, the hubris and arrogance of the owners of the Yeshivas.

    All of the families inside the system with their show-and-tell-phones, turning their noses up because a family doesn’t wear the right sized hat? Is that what we have become?

    Your attitudes toward this parent are the LITERAL DEFINITION of sinas chinom!!

    You wonder why you don’t know anyone who hasn’t been in a car accident? Why the government is allowing harsh decrees against Yeshiva education?

    DO TESHUVA BEFORE ATTACKING A PARENT!!!

    • Hey, you do teshuva for knocking single parent homes in your comment. “Dumping” children based on their parents marital status is also sinas chinam. Those children grow up to be the biggest baalei cheesed bc they know what it’s like to be discriminated against for something that has nothing to do with them or their worthiness to a decent education.

      • concentrating those children into one school is sinas chinam in the first place. then putting “undesirable” families into those schools is so free it’s buy one get one free! How can those children from broken homes ever succeed if they only associate with other kids in similar situations? what kind of role models do they have???

  12. My sister just got her oldest son into a cheder that is “the place to be”. She has no money, and no connections. She and her husband are very frum, no smartphones, very tznius, careful with shmiras halashon. She relied on Hashem and He came thru for them. My brother-in-law’s chavrusa who comes from a very monied and connected family did not get in.
    So it is not all about money.

  13. Maybe time to go more chasidish move to monsey Monroe Monticello less tuition less SHIDUCH crisis more heimish yidishkeit. And maybe even eretz yisrael. I want to make a kehila there out of town one day.

  14. Dear letter writer I can feel your pain and completely relate. However what is unfortunately overlooked is that there is practically no room in the yeshivas and girls schools locally. With the influx in the last few years of people from out of town and the natural growth in town, they simply cannot keep up. We need more it’s not completely fair to blame the current schools.This is why we need to vote as a bloc to have schools approved in Jackson, Toms River, and eventually Howell and Manchester. This would greatly alleviate traffic as well.

  15. You do not know the full story. This kid was in a school. His brother is still there. Ask for the facts before you judge. They are respectable people and follow the rules. They need to make sure the kid has another school before not accepting him. This is not about wanting something not at arms reach. This can hurt a child for the future. It was written strongly because the parents tried every other avenue but to no avail. Be a bit more compassionate or ask questions. You would not want to read such comments if you were the parents they are going through enough.

  16. Of course there is a story, and we don’t know the whole picture. But we do know that there are parents and a child in pain. Dear parents, I had a difficult story with a school as well, and feel your pain. I hope you will have a happy ending very very soon. And that the suffering should not break your son, only ultimately make him stronger.

    I do want to say to everyone that even though parents and schools do things wrong, we still need to see the full picture of their limitations and challenges and efforts to do the right thing. You don’t know what it’s like to be a principal or administrator, or a parent struggling with Lakewood norms. No judging, just sympathy. But each person needs to seek da’as torah to make sure they are on the right track.

  17. By the end of the day is it 4 month yes!! 4 month that this boy is not in yeshiva!!! And the did call the Vaad but thy Dont won’t to mix in to the chasidish olim we told them please it’s a 7 year old boy !!!and please if you don’t now the true Dont talk!! This fam is going true enough!

  18. I was recently speaking to my relative who owns a girl’s school. He told me straight out, if they see Toms River on an application it’s, basically, an automatic NO. And he said other schools also have the same policy.
    I’m sorry – this is not normal.

    • While I do understand TR may cater to a more “chilled” demographic, they can’t make blanket statements. Every school has rules and if the parent body and fsmily abides by the rules, no reason they shouldn’t be accepted. If they do not follow rules, it is fair to either not accept the child or ask the child/parents to leave. If the parents want that environment bad enough, they should be willing to make sacrifices. That aside, there are some schools that look more at money which is not the right thing, but unfortunately, money talks.

  19. Yes there are parents that don’t respect the system and choose to do what ever they want.

    …But there are many people regular good bnie yishvah that have a very difficult time getting their children into schools

    The reality is that there is not enough schools
    For our growing community.

  20. A response for the people who dont agree with the words written: Hi I am reading all the comments and want to give the full story as many people are assuming that they know the facts. Firstly, the mother is modest and dresses in a very tzniusdik manner. Proof is that he was in the cheder and his brother is still enrolled. It is not about money because he was already in the cheder. I am just trying to be a voice for all the parents. Unfortunately, they are an example of how the school system needs to try to have a way to cater to more types of children. They called the Vaad and said they cannot help them they should call the Cheder themselves. Some even said we only deal with certain areas. This is not what the commenters think it is they are not looking for a better school than they are fit for. This is so that he should not be at home. Even if a child is a bit different or hyper, does not give them the right to play with a person’s life. It is understandable that they are overwhelmed, but come up with a plan where to put the child before allowing him to be without a place to go every day. I know everyone has their opinions and many are harsh. Just think of your own children.

  21. just asking but are there schools in lakewood for the modern or the not “run of the mill” oilam? are there schools that will more or less take anyone that have good rabbaim and a proper facility set up?

  22. There are so so may reasons and sides to every story. For sure there are situations where the school makes mistakes as well as parents. The letter writer seems to be referring to the painful dynamic with a school not being willing/able to accommodate their specific Childs need – not necessarily a discrimination against type.
    Many of the commentators though are referring to whole different set of issues. That is the one – that many people move to lake wood and surrounding towns, or already live here – and while they are allowed to have their own lifestyle choices…they have only themselves to blame for consciously moving to/or living in a location where with a teeny tiny bit of effort they would have known the chinuch system here will NOT accommodate them.. And so by choosing to live here – they CHOSE to have their kids suffer. And that irresponsibility/immaturity on the parents part is unforgivable – as their child is first and foremost their responsibility – not a schools.

  23. These parents should sue every single one of these schools for discrimination. Take the money and open a new school for the benefit of the klal

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